


[1] Seeking the Sea & Sky: From the Beginning Series (Yamachii)

by Juliet_Alayne



Series: From the Beginning (A Yamachii Fanfic) [1]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Boys In Love, Childhood Friendship, Dorks in Love, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Fluff, Sweet boys falling in love, Unrequited Love, confused and in love, struggling to figure things out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:22:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juliet_Alayne/pseuds/Juliet_Alayne
Summary: Seeking the Sea and Sky with Fragile Hearts______________________________________________Parts in this volume cover from birth until around the month before their wedding in February 2015.PLEASE NOTE:This is a Yamachii Romance/Home Life and features the boys in a romantic/intimate relationship with one another.This is MOST DEFINITELY rated NC-17 for language and explicit sexual content!A few notes about the drabbles/oneshots:--When I write, nicknames are a must, and I feel like Ryosuke would definitely be into nicknames, thus in the story his “common” nickname for Yuri is “Ree” and his affectionate/loving nickname for him is a play on words: “Chiisana” which is 小さな (Chīsana): small, little, tiny; young, little in Japanese--despite references to real life events such as Ryosuke’s back pain and such, I did NOT verify the timeline, just added these details where they worked for the story--so no, I wasn’t THAT conscientious of timing, sorry!--there is never underage sex in my stories.
Relationships: Chinen Yuri/Yamada Ryosuke, Nakajima Yuto/Okamoto Keito
Series: From the Beginning (A Yamachii Fanfic) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110215
Kudos: 9





	1. Timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeking the Sea and Sky with Fragile Hearts  
> ______________________________________________  
> Parts in this section cover from birth until around the month before their wedding in February 2015.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: 
> 
> This is a Yamachii Romance/Home Life and features the boys in a romantic/intimate relationship with one another.
> 
> This is MOST DEFINITELY rated NC-17 for language and explicit sexual content!
> 
> A few notes about the drabbles/oneshots:
> 
> \--When I write, nicknames are a must, and I feel like Ryosuke would definitely be into nicknames, thus in the story his “common” nickname for Yuri is “Ree” and his affectionate/loving nickname for him is a play on words: “Chiisana” which is 小さな (Chīsana): small, little, tiny; young, little in Japanese
> 
> \--despite references to real life events such as Ryosuke’s back pain and such, I did NOT verify the timeline, just added these details where they worked for the story--so no, I wasn’t THAT conscientious of timing, sorry!
> 
> \--there is never underage sex in my stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The parts of this collection are written out of order but will be PLACED here IN ORDER. You will need to rely on the chapter titles and descriptions to be sure you are reading the newest one (or subscribe and it will tell you which chapter I have added most recently)

##  **Story Notes & Timeline after the READ MORE**

* * *

**This is a work in progress and is still incomplete (the timeline and the story haha)–but if you are the sort who likes to see these kinds of details you might enjoy it.**

##  **Please note–there are _MAJOR SPOILERS_ in the timeline for chapters I have _NOT PUBLISHED_ yet! **

I use this timeline to plot my story and to keep things straight–so it’s really a tool I use to write the collection better–but I know others might enjoy seeing the visual but I can’t be responsible if you get something completely ruined because you look below! haha MMMWAH!

**Proceed at your own risk!**

**A few notes about the collection:**

–When I write, nicknames are a **must** , and I feel like Ryosuke would definitely be into nicknames, thus in the story his “common” nickname for Yuri is “Ree” and his affectionate/loving nickname for him is a play on words: “Chiisana” which is 小さな: small, little, tiny; young, little in Japanese– **BY THE WAY:**

**In my mind the nickname is _very relaxed_ , like the way they drop off bits of words when they talk casually–so when I hear Ryosuke say this nickname I don’t actually hear the whole word…it would be more like “Chiisa” or “Chiisan”, rarely if ever saying the “ah” on the end. Sorry, just wanted to clarify that!**

–despite references to real life events such as Ryosuke’s back pain and such, I did NOT verify the timeline, just added these details where they worked for the story–so no, I wasn’t _THAT_ conscientious of timing, _sorry!_

–there is **never** underage sex in my stories, and I will **never** write that. In fact, I will go out of my way to ensure the reader is fully aware these are ADULTS and that NO sexual contact happens **until** they are adults–in this case 20, as that’s the age of consent (legally throughout the country despite different prefectures having their own laws) in Japan–and I would rather be conservative up front than apologize after!

The Timeline featured here DOES have spoilers so if you’d rather not see them please don’t scroll down–otherwise, you can check out the timeline for a better understanding of when story events take place!

Items marked with a @ are guesses on my part to have an idea of where something might have fit in alignment with other parts. I **DID NOT** research these, just put them in line with the other events to have a general idea. If you do know the specifics it would be wonderful to have them! MMMWAH!

Items that have parts of the story written for them already in this collection are **bold** and linked to the page here on AO3 so they are easier to identify.

_Parts that are planned but not yet written_ are placed the same way but are denoted with an *.

* * *

##  **1993**

* * *

April 1, 1993 Keito born

May 9, 1993 Yama-chan born

August 10, 1993 Yuto born

November 30, 1993 Chii-chan born

* * *

##  **2007**

* * *

September 24, 2007 Johnny & Associates announced the formation of Hey! Say! JUMP @ _Johnny’s Junior’s Hey Say '07_ Concert

November 14, 2007 _Ultra Music Power_ CD debut released, Japan’s Volleyball World Cup Relay 2007 theme song 

December 22, 2007 _Hey! Say! JUMP Debut & First Concert Ikinari!_ (youngest group ever to perform in Tokyo Dome)

* * *

##  **2008**

* * *

April 4-6 Spring Concert 2008

April 30, 2008 _Hey! Say! JUMP Debut & First Concert Ikinari! in Tokyo Dome _DVD released **  
**

May 3-6, 2008 Spring Concert 2008

May, 2008 _Dreams Come True_ single released

July 2008 _Your Seed_ single used in Kung-Fu Panda _  
_

August 2-September 5, 2008 Summary

October 2008 _Mayonaka no Shadow Boy_ single released, theme song for _Scrap Teacher_

December 20-21, 2008 Hey! Say! JUMP-ing Tour

  * **[2008 Sleepy Boys @ hotel (Posted: _One Day_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31408848)**




December 27-28, 2008Hey! Say! JUMP-ing Tour

* * *

##  **2009**

* * *

January 3-5 2009 Hey! Say! JUMP-ing Tour

March 21-22, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (Hey! Say! 7)

March 24-25, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (Hey! Say! 7)

March 31, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (HSJ)

April 3-5, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (HSJ)

April 19, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (HSJ)

April 26, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (HSJ)

April 29, 2009 _Hey! Say! Jump-ing Tour '08-'09_ DVD released **  
**

May 3-5, 2009 Spring Tour/Concert (HSJ)

July 23-29, 2009 Tengoku Concert Tour

August 4-5, 2009 Tengoku Concert Tour

August 14, 2009 Tengoku Concert Tour

August 25-27, 2009 Tengoku Concert Tour

September 13, 2009 Tengoku Dome

October 3, 2009 Yamada Ryosuke stars in _Hidarime Tantei EYE SP_ as Ainosuke Tanaka

@October 2009 “Memories” was used as the theme song for the SP

October 17, 2009 Yamada Ryosuke cast in _左目探偵EYE / Hidari-me Tantei EYE_

  * [**October 31, 2009 Yama-chan and Chii-chan fight over Halloween Candy (Posted: _Halloween Candy_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378055)



November 25, 2009 _Hey! Say! JUMP First Photobook_ released

December 19-20, 2009 Winter Concert Tour

  * [**2009 Chii-chan’s bad dream (Posted: _One Day_ ) **](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31408848)



December 23, 2009 Winter Concert Tour

* * *

##  **2010**

* * *

January 2-6, 2010 Winter Concert Tour

January 2010 _左目探偵EYE / Hidari-me Tantei EYE_ begins airing

February 24, 2010 “Hitomi no Screen” released, theme song for the drama _Hidarime Tantei EYE_

Hey! Say! 7 song “Kagayaki Days” used for Lotte commercial

March 2010 _左目探偵EYE / Hidari-me Tantei EYE_ finishes airing 

March 2, 2010 Yamada Ryosuke and Chinen Yuuri will be debut as NYC

April 2-4, 2010 ten JUMP Tour

April 24-25, 2010 ten JUMP Tour

  * [**2010 Yama-chan says his name (Posted: _One Day_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31408848)



May 2-5, 2010 ten JUMP Tour

May 16, 2010 ten JUMP Tour

July 7, 2010 _JUMP NO.1_ album released

July 19-August 29, 2010 Summary 2010

September 15, 2010 _Hey! Say! 2010 TEN JUMP_ DVD released

December 15, 2010 “Arigato (Sekai no Doko ni Itemo) _”_ released

December 25-26, 2010 Winter Concert

* * *

##  **2011**

* * *

January 2-6, 2011 Winter Concert, Yokohama Arena 

January 12, 2011 _Summary 2010_ DVD released

January 15-16, 2011 Winter Concert

February 4, 2011 Okamoto Keito chosen for the final episode of _Kinpachi Sensei_

March 11, 2011 Earthquake and Tsunami hits Japan

March 15, 2011 Hey! Say! JUMP with NYC Spring Concert tour 2011 canceled due to earthquake and tsunami

March 27, 2011 Okamoto Keito appeared in _Kinpachi Sensei_

April 1, 2011 Johnny & Associates created the earthquake relief project _Marching J_

April 10, 2011 JUMP & Yuuki 100% Concert with NYC

April 17, 2011 JUMP & Yuuki 100% Concert with NYC

April 24, 2011 JUMP & Yuuki 100% Concert with NYC

May 3-5, 2011 JUMP & Yuuki 100% Concert with NYC

May 8, 2011 JUMP & Yuuki 100% Concert with NYC

May 28-29, 2011 JUMP & Yuuki 100% Concert with NYC

June 6, 2011 Yamada Ryosuke and Chinen Yuri appear as voice-actors for _The Smurfs_

June 28, 2011 Johnny & Associates announced that Morimoto will be suspended indefinitely

June 29, 2011 _OVER._ single released

July 14, 2011 “Magic Power” announced as theme song for “The Smurfs”

August 7-September 11, 2011 Summary 2011, Tokyo Dome City Hall

September 18, 2011 Johnny Kitagawa presented with two Guinness World Record awards. Hey! Say! JUMP received the award in their SUMMARY 2011 concert with Guinness World Records representative Frank Foley. 

September 18, 2011 Summary 2011

September 21, 2011 _Magic Power_ single released

September 24-25, 2011 Summary 2011

November 6, 2011 Arioka Daiki will star in _Chushingura, Sono Gi Sono Ai_

November 23, 2011 Chinen Yuuri will star in a new drama with Yamashita Tomoshita.

* * *

##  **2012**

* * *

@January 2012 _Chushingura, Sono Gi Sono Ai_ starts airing 

@January 2012 _Risou no Musuko_ begins airing 

January 2, 2012 Yamada Ryosuke stars in historical drama _Shirarezaru Bakumatsu no Shishi: Yamada Akiyoshi Monogatari_

January 1-4, 2012 New Year Concert

January 6-7 New Year Concert

  * **February 17, 2012 Yamada Ryosuke, Nakajima Yuto, and Chinen Yuuri graduate from high school ***



February 22, 2012 _Super Delicate_ single released

@April 10, 2012 recording studio for _JUMP World_ album

May 3-9, 2012 _Asia First Tour_ , Yokohama Arena (14 shows)

May 26-27, 2012 _Asia First Tour_ , KITEC Star Hall, Hong Kong

June 6, 2012 _JUMP World_ album released (“Arigatō (Sekai no Doko ni Ite mo)”)

July 8, 2012 Jump World Tour

July 21-22, 2012 Jump World Tour

August 4-5, 2012 Asia First Tour _Asia First Tour_ , Nankang 101, Taipei, Taiwan 

August 15, 2012 Jump World Tour

August 18-19, 2012 Jump World Tour

August 28-29, 2012 Jump World Tour

September 23, 2012Jump World Tour

  * **@August 11, 2012 Ryosuke records _Mystery Virgin*_**



@August 15, 2012 _The Files of Young Kindaichi – Lost in Kowloon_ begins filming with Ryosuke in Hong Kong

@November 3, 2012 Ryosuke filmed video for “Mystery Virgin”

November 10, 2012 Johnny’s World begins (103 performances)

November 28, 2012 Ryosuke premieres “Mystery Virgin” @ Best Artist

November 28, 2012 JUMP perform Special Medley @ Best Artist

December 5, 2012 Ryosuke performs “Mystery Virgin” @Shounen Club

December 9, 2012 Ryosuke performs “Mystery Virgin” @School Kakumei

December 31, 2012-January 1, 2013 Johnny’s Countdown

December 31, 2012 Ryosuke performed “Ai no Katamari” with KinKi Kids on Johnny’s Countdown Live

* * *

##  **2013**

* * *

January 9, 2013 “Mystery Virgin” released (Ryosuke)

January 9, 2013 Ryosuke appears as guest star @Shounen Club

January 12, 2013 The Files of Young Kindaichi – Lost in Kowloon airs

January 12, 2013 Ryosuke guest starred @Music Japan

January 27, 2013 Johnny’s World ends (103 performances)

March 3, 2013 The First Jump to Thailand, Parc Paragon of Siam Paragon

March 16-17, 2013 Johnny’s World

March 30-31, 2013 Johnny’s World

April 13-14, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

April 28, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

May 3, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

May 9, 2013 Ryosuke turns 20

May 11-12, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

May 25-26, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

June 22-23, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

June 26, 2013 “Come On A My House” released

June 30, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

July 14-15, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

July 20-21, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

August 11, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour

August 23, 2013 Zenkoku e JUMP Tour Final Show

@August 2013 Ryosuke’s Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo Gokumon Juku Satsujin Jiken films in Malaysia (with Daiki)

@October 2013 Yuri filming Samurai Hustle (Yoshinosuke Suzuki)

  * [**October 6, 2013 Boy’s meeting about Coming of Age Ceremony (Posted: _One Day_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31408848)



@October 2013 filming for “Ride With Me”

  * [**Nov 30, 2013 Yuri turns 20 (Posted: _It’s Enough_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31409022)



@December filming for “AinoArika”

  * **[December 4, 2013 Boy’s meet to discuss Kamon and kimono choices (Posted: _One Day)_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31408848)**


  * [**December 18, 2013 The phone call from Chii-chan (Posted: _Death by Chinen_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31409139)


  * [**December 19, 2013 “AinoArika” Practice (Posted: _Death by Chinen_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31409139)


  * [**December 20, 2013 “AinoArika” video production (Posted: _Death by Chinen_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31409139)



December 25, 2013 “Ride With Me” single released

* * *

##  **2014**

* * *

January 4, 2014 Ryosuke’s Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo Gokumon Juku Satsujin Jiken airs

  * [**January 13, 2014 –coming of age ceremony –stayed, never left (Posted: _Together._ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/32976063#workskin)


  * **[January 13-14, 2014, the 24 hours post confession (Posted: _REAL._ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/32975970)**


  * **[January 26, 2014 stay forever, 2 weeks (Posted: _It’s Always Been You_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/32976090)**



February, 5, 2014 “AinoArika” single released

@March rehearsals for Tokyo Dome shows begin

@March 2014 Yuri filming Hissatsu Shingotonin Special

  * **[March 8, 2014 —waking up pictures– (Posted: _It’s Always Been You_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/32976090)**



@April 2014 Ryosuke filming Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo N (neo)

May 10-11, 2014 “Live With Me” shows @Tokyo Dome

@May/June rehearsals for tour begin

  * **June 1 2014 Ryosuke begins filming for Okaasan, Ore Wa Daijoubu (Role: Sasaki Ryohei, lost 6kg in week)***



June 18, 2014 S3ART album released

June 21, 2014 Samurai Hustle (Yuri) released

@July 2014 filming for “Weekender”

@June 2014 Yuri films Jigoku Sensei Nube

  * **@June 2014 Ryosuke films his part in Jigoku Sensei Nube with Yuri***



July 7, 2014 Hissatsu Shingotonin Special aired with Yuri as Ryusei

  * **July 7, 2014 Ryosuke begins filming Grasshopper***



July 19, 2014 Kindaichi Shonen no Jikenbo N (neo) aired (Ryosuke)

August 2, 2014 S3art Tour begins Osaka Hall

August 3, 2014 S3art Tour Osaka Hall

@August 2014 Ryosuke begins filming of Assassination Classroom

August 17, 2014 S3art Tour (2 shows) Marine Messe Fukuoka

September 3, 2014 “Weekender” single released (through the night?) (asu e no YELL)

September 20-21, 2014 S3art Tour (3 shows) Shizuoka Ecopa Arena

October 11, 2014 Jigoku Sensei Nube airs with Yuri as Kurita Makoto

October 11-13, 2014 (5 shows) S3art Tour Yokohama Arena

@October 2014 recording JUMPing Car album

December 6, 2014 Ryosuke’s guest appearance on Jigoku Sensei Nube as Zekki airs

December 13, 2014 last show airs from Jigoku Sensei Nube airs (Yuri)

  * **December 29, 2014 Special episode of Itadaki High Jump airs featuring–part 1: challenge from KanJani8’s Tadayoshi Okura: Explosive Power – Run 50m immediately after being woken up and part 2: challenge from Kayoko Okubo: Sweaty idol appeal – Work together to beat the 5km world record of running 5 km through treadmill***



* * *

##  **2015**

* * *

  * **December 31, 2014/January 1, 2015 Me & You (proposal–this is being rewritten at the moment to fit the timeline properly)***



@January 2015 filming Koro Sensations _**(*nr)**_

  * **Jan 13, 2015 1 year anniversary (discussion about government’s plans, what it means to them, decision made “someday soon”)***



_February 2015, the district of Shibuya (in Tokyo) announced plans for a procedure of the recognition of same-sex couples for situations such as hospital visits and shared renting of apartments. This procedure would allow couples to get a “proof of partnership” paper, which is not based in Japanese law, but can help in, for instance, getting access to a partner who is ill and in the hospital._

  * **February 14, 2015***



February 18, 2015 S3ART tour DVD released

  * **February 27, 2015 filming Chau#***



@March 2015 rehearsals for JUMPing CARnival tour begin

March 21, 2015 Assassination Classroom released (Ryosuke)

March 15, 2015 Koro Sensations released

@April, 2015 record

April 29, 2015 Chau# (我 I Need You) single released

June 11, 2015 Yuri featured in Itadaki High Jump episode with Yuya and Hikaru where they try to help a child get over their aversion to paprika in a dream world, Ryosuke is featured with Keito, Kota, and Kei in a segment to revamp a local superhero show

  * **July 8, 2015 Itadaki High Jump first episode (Ep 1) airs featuring Ryosuke (with Kei) as a “father” for a day for a girl who grew up without one***



July 22, 2015 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 3) Yuri, Yuya, and Hikaru try to help a child get over their aversion to the family dogs in a dream world

  * **June 24, 2015 JUMPing CAR album released (Pet Shop Love Motion, 3.14)***



July 25, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour begins (Sekisui House Super Arena, Miyagi)

July 26, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (Sekisui House Super Arena, Miyagi)

July 29, 2015 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 4) with Ryosuke, Kota, and Daiki replicating a traditonial dish for a homesick Angolan using Japanese ingredients

July 31-August 2, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (5 shows) Osakajo Hall

August 5, 2015 Yuri, Kei, Yuya, and Hikaru are featured in Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 5/6) to help Utsunomiya Zoo practice for an escaped animal crisis

@August 2015 filmed Kimi Attraction

@August 2015 Yuri filmed Hissatsu Shigotonin Special

August 5-6, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (Marine Messe Fukuoka)

August 12, 2015 Yuri, Kei, Yuya, and Hikaru are featured in Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 5/6) to help Utsunomiya Zoo practice for an escaped animal crisis 

August 12-13, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (Hiroshima Green Arena)

August 18-19, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (3 shows) Nagoya – NGK Hall

  * **August 19, 2015 Yuri and Keito in Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 7) where they believe they are trying to discover a new species of ant–but really Kota is sending them to known haunted spaces with a medium to check their response ***


  * **August 22, 2015 Okaasan, Ore Wa Daijoubu airs (Ryosuke)***



September 12, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (Hokkaido – North Sea)

@September 2015 filming for Gold Medal Man begins @Yuri as Senichi Akita

  * **October 1, 2015 Application to Shibuya government ***



October 9-12, 2015 JUMPing CARnival Tour (7 shows) Yokohama Arena

October 15, 2015 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 11) bowling episode with all members

October 21, 2015 Kimi Attraction (ChikuTaku) single released

  * **@end of October 2015 (others in Nov) certification in Shibuya***



@November Ryosuke begins filming Assassination Classroom: Graduation

  * **November 4 & 11 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 13/14) airs featuring Daiki, Yuri, Ryosuke, & Hikaru in the first Haikaropa Dekamori–eating a giant portion of food to find the best calorie to price ratio***



November 9, 2015 Rysouke’s Grasshopper Premieres

November 9, 2015 Hissatsu Shigotonin Special airs with Yuri as Ryusei

November 25 & December 12, 2015 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 16/17) Solving issues in studio

December 16, 2015 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 19) members share what secretly bugs them about one another

December 23, 2015 Ryosuke @ 24Hr TV: Ryohei @ Okaason Ore wa Daijoubu released on DVD

  * **December 30, 2015 Ryosuke & Kota in Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 20) where they find the scariest suspension bridge in Yamagata***



* * *

##  **2016**

* * *

Dec 31-January 1, 2016 JUMPing CAR Countdown @ Kyocera Dome (youngest group from JE to hold their own countdown–broadcast part live to Johnny’s Countdown Concert)

@January filmed Sayonara Sensation

  * **January 13, 2016 2 year Anniversary (no longer celebrated as primary anniversary)***



January 13, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 21) Yuya and Ryosuke catch deep sea fish to see if they’d be suitable for sushi

@February 2016 filmed Maji Sunshine

@February 2016 record “Dear.” album

February 10, 2016 JUMPing CAR Tour DVD released

February 10, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 25) Yuri and Daiki look for the biggest dog in Chiba

  * **February 14, 2016 1 Year Anniversary***



February 17 & 24, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 26/27) Kei, Yuto, and Ryosuke determine the scariest thrill ride from Nagashima Spa Land vs Fuji-Q Highland

March 4, 2016 Ryosuke Newcomer of the Year @ 39th Japan Academy Awards Ceremony (Assassination Classroom) @Grand Prince Hotel New Takanawa in Tokyo ( * )

  * **March 5, 2016 Ryosuke filmed Onee Episode for SK***



March 16, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 30) Yuri, Kei and Ryosuke try various methods of cheating to beat Reversi and Billiards world champions

March 23, 2016 Sayonara Sensation Released

March 25, 2016 Assassination Classroom: Graduation premiere (Ryosuke)

  * **@April 2016 film “Masquerade” video***



April 20, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 32) Keito, Yuya, & Ryosuke help out at Sumida Aquarium

  * **April 27, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 33) Yuri, Yuto, and Keito try to help a child get over their aversion to tomatoes in a dream world***



May 4, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 34) Yuya, Kota, and Ryosuke try various methods of cheating to beat quiz and Shogi masters

May 11, 2016 Maji SUNSHINE (Eve, Party Monster) released

May 11, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 35) Daiki, Yuri, & Ryosuke investigate different spots viewers have heard mysterious stories about

May 24, 2016 @Ryosuke announced as Ed in FMA

  * **May 25, 2016 Ryosuke Rookie Actor of the Year @ Japan Movie Critics Award in Tokyo (Grasshopper)***



@June 2016 Yuri films Samurai Hustle Returns

  * **@June 2016 Ryosuke begins filming FMA in Italy***



June 9, 2016 Little Tokyo Life, Yuri & Kota

June 23, 2016 Little Tokyo Life, Ryosuke & Yuto

June 1, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 38) Yuri, Yuto, & Keito try ot help a bicultural child get over their aversion to steak in a dream world

  * **June 8, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 39) Daiki, Yuto, Hikaru, & Ryosuke try to find a way to make wedding traditions more exciting***



June 15, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 40) Daiki & Yuri look for the biggest dog in Kanagawa

June 22, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 41) Yuya, Kota, & Ryosuke try various methods of cheating to beat Karuta and Street Fighter champions

  * **June 29 & July 7, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 42/43) Yuri, Kei, Yuto, & Ryosuke participate in Haikaropa Dekamori (Summer Edition) featuring Nakayama Yuma***



@July 2016 Yuri films Hissatsu Shingotonin Special

July 13, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 44) Yuri, Kei, & Hikaru help a child learn to jump rope by pretending to be a fairy from another world

July 21, 2016 Little Tokyo Life, Yuri & Kota

July 23-24, 2016 FNS 27 HR TV (features IHJ and Kisumai Busaiku collaboration special) Itadaki High Jump episode (Special #5)

July 27, 2016 “Dear.” album released

July 27, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 46) Yuya, Kota, & Ryosuke try various methods of cheating to beat a Puyo Puyo Tetris champion

  * [**July 28-31, 2016 First DEAR. concerts Osaka-jo Hall (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)


  * **@August 2016 record “Fantastic Time” single***



August 3, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 47) Yuri, Daiki, & Hikaru try various methods of cheating to beat typing and goldfish scooping champions

August 7, 2016 Ryosuke’s Onee Episode of SK airs

  * [**August 12-14, 2016 DEAR. concerts, Yokohama Arena (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)



August 20, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Summer Vacation) Review past episodes related to children

  * [**August 20-21, 2016 DEAR. concerts, Marine Messe Fukuoka (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)



August 26, 2016 Ryosuke’s filming for FMA finishes

  * [**August 27-28, 2016 DEAR. concerts, Sekisui Heim Super Arena (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)



@September, 2016 film “Fantastic Time” video

  * **@September, 2016 Ryosuke begins filming Cain & Abel***



September 1, 2016 Little Tokyo Life, Yuri & Daiki

September 7 & 14, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 52/53) members solve issues in studio

September 10, 2016 Samurai Hustle Returns released (w/Yuri)

  * [**September 17-18 , 2016 DEAR. concert, Hokkaido Prefectural Sports Center (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)



September 25, 2016 Hissatsu Shigotonin Special airs with Yuri as Ryusei

@October record “Give Me Love” & “Over The Top” single songs

  * [**October 1-2, 2016 DEAR. concerts, Hiroshima Green Arena (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)


  * **[October 7-10, 2016 DEAR. concerts, Yokohama Arena (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)**



October 17, 2016 Cain & Abel Airs (Ryosuke)

October 19, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 55) Yuya, Kota, & Ryosuke try various methods of cheating to beat darts and Gomoku champions

October 22, 2016 Gold Medal Man released @Yuri as Senichi Akita

October 26, 2016 “Fantastic Time” single released (Never Let You Go)

October 27, 2016 Little Tokyo Life, Ryosuke & Hikaru

October 29, 2016 Buzz Rhythm

@November film “Give Me Love” video

  * **[November 2-3, 2016 DEAR. concert, Nippon Gaishi Hall (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690)**



November 9 & 16 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 58/59) Daiki, Yuri, Kei, & Yuto find exciting ways to take selfies to get the most likes

  * **[November 15, 2016 – Post-tour meeting (end of Dear. when reveal with BEST takes place) (Posted: _DEAR. Party Monster x29_ ) ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/24981690) *relationship status: @3 years living together, married for almost 2**



November 23, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 60) Yuri, Yuto, & Kota help a child ride a bicycle by pretending to be a fairy from another world

November 27, 2016 School Kakumei Yamada says sorry to a fan

November 30, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 61) Yuya, Kota, & Ryosuke try various methods of cheating to beat parking & calculator champions

@December 2016 film “Over The Top” Video

December 1, 2016 VS Arashi, Cain & Abel cast

December 2, 2016 –Ryosuke cast in Miracles of the Namiya General Store

December 7, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 62) members try various methods of cheating to beat soccer dribbling & tug of war champions

December 8, 2016 Little Tokyo Life, Kei & Yuri

December 14, 2016 “Give Me Love” (Glorious, Ashita Hallelujah, Baby I Love You) single released

  * **December 14, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 63) Yuri, Kei “support” Ryosuke as he faces his fear of natto, frogs, and haunted houses to win the chance to join a segment that helps children***



December 24, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode preview of special episode

  * **December 29, 2016 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 64) Kei, Yuto, & Ryosuke help a child learn to ride a bicycle by pretending to be a fairy from another world***



##  **2017**

  * **December 31, 2016-January 1, 2017 DEAR Countdown***



@January 2017 Ryosuke begins filming of Miracles of the Namiya General Store

February 1, 2017 Little Tokyo Life, Yuya & Yuri

  * **February 1 & 8, 2017 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 68/69) Valentine/Winter Haikaropa: Heavyweight Sweets Party! featuring: Yuto aka Yuuko onee-chan, Yuri aka Yuu-chan (aka Hirose Suzu-chan), Hikaru aka Mizuki-chan, & Yuya aka Yuuko Mama***


  * **February 14, 2017 2 Year Anniversary (the gift)***



February 15, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 70) Daiki, Yuya, & Ryosuke try a luxurious hotel, limo & food with only 1000 yen to spend

February 15, 2017 Little Tokyo Life, Yuya & Yuri

February 22, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 71) Daiki, Yuri, and Hikaru help a child learn to flip over a horizontal bar by pretending to be a fairy from another world

February 22, 2017 “Over the Top” single released (PARTY!!, Our Days, Funky Time, Vanilla Ice)

February 24, 2017 Buzz Rhythm

  * **@March compose “H.Our Time”***



March 1, 2017 Little Tokyo Life (:)

  * **March 8, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 73) all members battle for a chance to eat Ryosuke’s home cooked meal***



@April 2017 record “I/O” & “H.Our Time”

April 12, 26, May 3, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 75/76/77) Koredore Donpishana: ask questions to guess identity

@May 2017 Yuri filming Kids on the Slope (Kaoru Nishimi) (in Nagasaki)

  * **May 10, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 78) Yuri, Yuto, and Ryosuke help a girl cook for her father to show her gratitude and ask him to trust her to live on her own***


  * **June 18, 2017 School Kakumei Class President Election***



June 14, 21, & 28, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 83/84/85) Koredore Donpishana: ask questions to guess identity

July 1, 2017 Mumon: The Land of Stealth released @Yuri as Nobukatsu Oda (starring with Satoshi Ohno lol)

  * **July 5, 2017 _Precious Girl / Are You There?_ single released (Smile in Summer, Sweet Liar, Start Days, Shakunetsu no Yume)***



July 5, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 86) Yuya, Kota, and Ryosuke help support an aspiring K-1 champion on his journey

  * **July 9, 2017 School Kakumei Yamada President PV Making***



July 19 & 26, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 87/88) all members solve issues in studio

July 26, 2017 “Hey! Say! JUMP 2007-2017 I/O” compilation album released

July 27, 2017 VS Arashi, Hey! Say! JUMP appear

August 2 & 9, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 89/90) Koredore Donpishana: ask questions to guess identity

  * **August 11-12, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***



August 16, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 91) Yuya gives a boy advice on basketball layup while Ryosuke gives advice

  * **August 16-17, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***


  * **August 19-20, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***


  * **August 25-27, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***



August 30, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 93) Yuto helps a boy learn to play catch with Yuri giving advice

  * **September 9-10, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***



September 13, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 95) members and issues during problem solving

  * **September 15-18, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***



September 23, 2017 The Miracles of the Namiya General Store premiere

  * **September 20-October 1, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***


  * **[October 1, 2017 Yuri flies to Canada for World Gymnastic’s Championships from October 2–October 8, at the Olympic Stadium in Montreal, Quebec, Canada. (Posted: _Canada_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/31409262)**


  * **October 8, 2017 School Kakumei Yamada “Destroyer of Relationships”***


  * **October 9, 2017 The Red Bow***


  * **October 14-15, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Tour***


  * **@October 15-20, 2017 HSJ watches FMA together ( * picture shown on November 2, 2017 by Inoo-chan)***


  * **October 21, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 97) Yuri and Ryosuke help a child overcome their fear of going to the bathroom by pretending to be an invisible friend***


  * [**October 22, 2017 Ryosuke arrives home to a napping Yuri (Posted: _Your Fault_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378127)


  * **October 25, 2017 FMA is opening film of the 30th Tokyo International Film Festival, films world premiere, first time in 10 years a Japanese film opened the festival, and also the first time in history for a Japanese manga-based film: red carpet***



November 2, 2017 Inoo-chan shows selfie of Jump watching screening of FMA together on his morning program

November 8, 2017 Little Tokyo Life 10th Anniversary Special

  * **November 11, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 100) Yuri, Kei, Hikaru and Ryosuke help a bride’s parents express their feelings by creating a video to be played at the reception***


  * **November 14, 2017 “Ultra JUMP Party ~ shin no Hey! Say! JUMP wa oreda!!” @Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium (same venue as Vollyball World Cup 2007)***



November 18, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 101) Daiki and Yuri help a child learn to ride a bicycle by pretending to be a fairy from another world

November 19, 2017 Yamada appears on Gyouretsu Dekiru Houritsu Soundajo with Honda Tsubasa

  * [**November 22, 2017 Yama-chan and Chii-chan express themselves in writing (Posted: _Love Letters_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378073)



November 28, 2017 Best Artist 2017, “White Love” 

November 30, 2017 VS Arashi, Full Metal Alchemist cast

December 1, 2017 “Fullmetal Alchemist” released

  * **December 1, 2017 The boys host a family dinner at their home (Posted: _Resident Expert_ )**



December 2, 2017 Itadaki High Jump episode (Ep 103) Yuto and Yuri help a child learn to ride a bicycle by pretending to be a fairy from another world

December 8-10, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Dome Tour

December 20, 2016 _White Love_ single released, theme song of the movie “Miseinen Dakedo Kodomo Janai” 

December 23, 2017 _Miseinen dakedo Kodomo ja Nai_ Yuri as Isuzu Ebina

December 23-24, 2017 I/Oth Anniversary Dome Tour

December 29, 2017-January 1, 2018 I/Oth Anniversary Dome Tour

December 31, 2017 Appearane @68th NHK Kouhaku Utagassen

##  **2018**

  * **January 1, 2018 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 106) Daiki, Hikaru, and Yuya try to find Blue Grotto lookalike, Yuto, Yuri, Kota, and Keito try to find Uyuni Salts flats look alike, Ryosuke makes a welcome home meal for them all***



January 13th 2018 Momikeshite Fuyu: Wagaya no Mondai Nakatta Koto ni airs

January 20, 2018 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 107) problems the members had with New Years episode, Ryosuke cooking

January 27, 2018 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 108) Ryosuke, Kei, and Kota participate in Haikaropa Dekamori in Chofu, Tokyo

February 10, 2018 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 110) Ryosuke, Yuri, and Kei getting recipes from local farmers

February 12, 2018 Ryosuke wins Best Newcomer Actor at 91st Kinema Junpo Awards ceremony for The Miracles of the Namiya General Store & Fullmetal Alchemist (Bunkyo Civic Hall)

February 14, 2018 _Mae wo Muke_ single released

February 16, 2018 Buzz Rhythm

March 10 & 17, 2018 Itadaki High Jump (Ep 114/115) All members solving issues in studio

  * [**June 1, 2018 Yuri, Keito, and Yuto prank Yama-chan while he’s in the shower (Posted: _You Have To Sleep Sometime_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378202)


  * [**June 4, 2018 Yama-chan seeks retribution in the form of a pillow-fight (Posted: _Coordinated_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378202)



June 27, 2018 _I/Oth Anniversary Tour_ DVD Released (includes bonus _JUMPing CARnival Countdown 2015-16_ , _DEAR. Countdown 2016-17_ , and _Making of I/O_ DVDs)

  * **[July 27, 2018 Jump Perform "Cosmic Human" and Yuri reacts to Yama-chan's white pants ;oP (Posted: _Buzz Rhythm_ )](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378331)**


  * [**@August 2018 Jump films Itadaki camping episode (Posted: _Inside The Tent_ )**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11188737/chapters/37378403)



* * *

Still need to place and finish:

Commercials, Precious Girl, vs Arashi, promo appearances, ect.

“Stars In Heaven” with Ryosuke Yamada (the song is also known as “Future Earth” or “Mirai no Chikyu ni Mukatte”)

School Kakumei! (スクール革命!) (Hikaru Yaotome, Ryosuke Yamada, Yuri Chinen)

Shōnen Club (ザ少年倶楽部 Za Shōnen Kurabu) (All members)

Little Tokyo Life (リトルトーキョーライフ) (All members, alternates with Johnny’s WEST)

Itadaki High JUMP (いただきハイジャンプ) (All members) – Their own show.

Hirunandesu! (ヒルナンデス！) (Hikaru Yaotome, Daiki Arioka)

Meringue no Kimochi (メレンゲのきもち) (Kei Inoo)

Mezamashi TV (めざましテレビ) (Kei Inoo)

Commercials

Hey! Say! JUMP

Wii Sports

Vermont Curry

Bourbon Popcorn

KOSE COSMEPORT

Hey! Say! BEST

Ozack

Wii Sports

Hey! Say! 7

Wii Sports

Lotte Ghana

Lotte Fruitio

Bourbon Jelly Series

Bourbon Almondrush

Radio

Monday~Friday—22:00~22:30-Hey! Say! 7 Ultra Power (Hey! Say! 7)

Starting 4/9~4/13–22:00~22:30-Hey! Say! 7 Ultra Power (Ryosuke Yamada)

Every Friday-24:30~24:57-JUMP da Babe!(JUMP da ベイベー！) @ bayfm (Yuya Takaki & Daiki Arioka)

Every Saturday-20:05~20:55-Radirer Saturday @ NHK Radio 1 (Kei Inoo & Hikaru Yaotome)

Every Thursday-16:00~17:46-Music Bit @ FM Oh! (Yuya Takaki)

Yuri:

Samurai Hustle (2014)

Samurai Hustle Returns (2016)

Gold Medal Man (2016) as Akita Senichi

Shinobi no Kuni (2017) as Oda Nobukatsu

Miseinen dakedo Kodomojanai (2017) as Isuzu Ebina

Kids on the Slope (2018) as Kaoru Nishimi

Sprout (NTV, 2012) as Narahashi Sōhei[12]

Yorozu Uranaidokoro Onmyōya e Yōkoso (Fuji TV, 2013) as Shunta Sawazaki

Hissatsu Shigotonin 2014″ (TV Asahi, 2014) as Ryū[13]

Jigoku Sensei Nube (NTV, 2014) as Kurita Makoto[14]

Hissatsu Shigotonin 2015 (TV Asahi, 2015) as Ryū[15]

Hissatsu shigotonin 2016 (9/25) as Ryu

Hissatsu shigotonin 2018 as Ryu


	2. [1.1] Halloween Candy (children)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt request for Yamachii fighting over Halloween candy when they were children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter on my website! I'd love for you to visit me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/5-halloween-candy-children/)
> 
> * * *

The two boys had dumped their bags full of candy on the floor, having agreed before they left to go trick-or-treating that they would divide the goodies up evenly. They both squealed over all of the treats in the pile of candy.

"That has to be like fifty pounds of candy!" Ryosuke cried out, running his fingers through it.

"I know!" Yuri agreed, his hands moving through the pile, his fingers wide as they slid through all the treats.

They began dividing the candy up after they'd dreamed of what it might be like to have a swimming pool full of candy. Deciding that it probably wouldn't be as much fun as it sounded as it would be very hard and heavy.

They took all of the candy that matched and divided it evenly, going bit by bit to sort it out fairly, getting down to about twenty pieces of assorted candies, and the tension in the air was palatable as they both realized that there was only one of the small boxes that contained chocolate covered strawberries from the Yamada's neighbor.

Ryosuke's eyes widened, looking up at Yuri, "Where's yours?"

Yuri stared at the treat, then tilted his head, his eyes narrowing as he looked up at Ryosuke, "Where's my what?"

"Your chocolate strawberry," Ryosuke repeated, "Where's yours?"

"That is mine," Yuri stated, pointing to the boxed berry.

"No, that one is mine," Ryosuke reached forward to pick up the box, but Yuri's hand snapped out slapping his hand causing him to squeal and draw his hand back to his chest.

"That is not yours," Yuri repeated, "I remember specifically getting one in my bag!"

Ryosuke frowned, "I know I got one too, and I didn't take mine out of the bag, what did you do with yours?"

Yuri didn't like the way Ryosuke was looking at him, like he was misleading him or making something up, his voice level and steady, "I told you, that one is mine. I dumped it out with the rest of my candy."

Ryosuke huffed, leaning forward, his hands landing on the floor, "And I told you, that one is mine! I never took mine out of the bag until we just dumped the candy!"

Ryosuke might have been able to predict many things, certainly, he felt at this stage he knew Yuri fairly well, but what he wasn't prepared for was the way that Yuri came across the small pile of candy like a spider monkey, slamming into him, and throwing him backward as he yelled for him to get off of him.

Yuri was sitting on his chest, "Don't you lie! I know that is my berry! What did you do with yours!?"

"Get off me, Yuri!" Rysouke hissed, "That is my berry, I didn't do ANYTHING with my berry except put it in the pile of candy like we'd agreed! I pulled it out and sat it there carefully."

Yuri was so angry, "I didn't do anything with mine! That one IS mine!"

"It's not yours!" Ryosuke huffed, shoving Yuri's chest, and had he not grabbed onto Ryosuke's pirate shirt he would have went tumbling backward, "Get off me you jerk!"

"Not until you admit you hid your strawberry!"

"I what?!" Ryosuke was livid, "I never did any such thing but maybe I should check YOUR pockets!"

Ryosuke's hands started patting Yuri's legs and chest, not actually having any pockets in his costume, he slapped at Ryosuke's hands, and then huffed, frowning, his bottom lip jutting out in a pout, "That's my candy."

Ryosuke stared at him, frowning, and then sighed, closing his eyes. growling, then he opened them, "Fine, take it, it's yours, just get off of me."

Yuri scrambled off of him, grabbing the berry as he moved past the pile to put it with his candy. He sat back down but things didn't feel the same now, the fun atmosphere felt cold now, and he looked down, sad as he watched Ryosuke push the last few pieces of candy over to him.

He wanted to stop him but didn't know how to say it, and he couldn't help the way it felt like tears were swelling up inside of him as he watched Ryosuke open his bag and begin to carefully set his candy inside of it.

"Everything's fine," Ryosuke murmured, his eyes lifting to look at Yuri who was clearly wearing his feelings on his sleeves, "Stop being worried, everything's fine, I'm sorry–the candy isn't important, okay?"

Yuri took a shuddering breath, trying to stem the tears that were threatening to flow, "Okay."

He looked down, blinking as a tear fell, reaching over to drag his bag over to him and Ryosuke's hand shot out to grab his wrist, causing him to look up at him, another tear falling, "I want you to have it, Yuri. It's okay."

Yuri studied Ryosuke and could find no lie in his words, nodding as he gestured for him to finish putting his candy in his bag. He opened his bag, widening the loop so he could get it wide enough to set the treats in and then his breath caught in his chest, as he felt something left in the bag.

_Please, no. Please, please, no._

He reached into the bag, groaning when he felt the sharp points of the corner of the box that held the berry in it. He clenched his eyes shut, wondering if he couldn't just hide it, just not say anything but then he thought of what Ryosuke had just done...and he knew he couldn't do that to him.

"Yama-chan?"

"Hmm?" 

Yuri's eyes popped open, finding Ryosuke looking at him curiously. He lifted the box out of his bag slowly, and wasn't surprised when Ryosuke's eyes widened, his mouth popping open for a moment before he could school himself.

Ryosuke cleared his throat, and then looked down, and Yuri's voice shook when spoke, "I'm sorry, Yama-chan–it was in my bag the whole time."

Ryosuke looked up at Yuri, watching a tear slide down his cheek, and then he shuffled forward, his hand reaching past Yuri to grab the other box that held the berry. He sat on his heels in front of Yuri, who reached forward, pressing the box with the berry into Ryosuke's tummy, "Take it. Take them both."

"Hey," Ryosuke grabbed Yuri's wrist, forcing his hand back, "Stop."

Yuri bent over, crying softly, "I was so selfish, I'm sorry!"

Ryosuke took the berry from his hand, setting it beside the other one as he drew Yuri into a hug, "It's fine, everything is fine. I'm not mad at you, it's fine, I want you to have them."

Ryosuke laughed lightly, "I just...I didn't know you even liked chocolate covered strawberries."

Yuri sobbed, his breath shaking as he spoke, "I don't. Not really."

"Wh-what?" Ryosuke was so confused, "Why then?"

Yuri pulled back and Ryosuke released him, he scrubbed his eyes trying to clear the tears from them, "I just...they remind me of you."

Ryosuke considered this confession carefully, "But...it would go bad if you didn't eat it."

"I was going to eat it."

"But...you don't like them?"

"No."

"Then...why were you going to eat it?"

Yuri was exasperated, "I told you! They remind me of you!"

He shook his head, knowing that Ryosuke couldn't understand how his mind worked, or why he saw things the way he did, "I just wanted to know what you liked, that's...why?"

"I see."

Ryosuke stood up, "I'll be right back."

Yuri didn't say anything, just watched as Ryosuke left the room, and then he reached over to pick up the two boxes with berries, he unwrapped the ribbons, then carefully fashioned it into a bow that held the two berries together.

It was only a few moments after he'd finished his gift for Ryosuke that he walked back into the room. He moved quickly over to sit down in front of Yuri, holding his hands behind his back. His eyes moved down to the two berries now fixed into a single bundle that Yuri pushed forward toward him, and he smiled, his eyes soft when he looked up at his friend.

He brought his hands forward in front of him, and Yuri's eyes widened as he took each of his hands which held a boxed berry in the palm.

"Where'd you get those!?"

"I went next door and asked if I could please have two more, and they were happy to allow me to have them."

He sat the boxes down, and then he undid the ribbon, quickly fashioning a new design the held the two berries together and then he lifted it, admiring his handiwork, "There."

"For you," he grinned, holding the berries out to Yuri.

When Yuri took the berries from his hand he lifted the boxes that Yuri had given him, smiling at how carefully he'd put them together to make sure there was enough ribbon left to put a bow.

"Thank you, Yama-chan," Yuri whispered, putting the berries carefully in his bag.

"It's okay, Chii-chan," Ryosuke smiled at the boy, always wanting to make him happy, "That's what friends are for."

Yuri looked up at him, smiling brightly, and then nodded, because he knew–at least when it came to Ryosuke, that was most certainly what friends were for.


	3. [1.2] One Day (2008-2010 Growing Up, 2013 Coming of Age Ceremony Planning–includes all 4 members of 7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2008-2010 Growing Up, 2013 Coming of Age Ceremony Planning Includes all HS7 members

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/1-one-day-2008-2010-growing-up-2013-coming-of-age-ceremony-planning-hs7/)
> 
> * * *

##  **2008**

* * *

It was yet another late night after a concert, in a strange town, in a cold hotel room bed, and Yuri had climbed over into Ryosuke’s bed, nestling down in the covers there, not liking to feel alone, his voice soft in the darkness, “One day we will be able to do lots of things, won’t we?”

“Sure,” Ryosuke agree sleepily, “Lots of things, Chii-chan.”

“Like we can buy cars, and drive them, and we can buy our own houses, and all kinds of things.”

“Yep.”

“Adults can do lots of things that kids can’t do…”

“That’s true,” Ryosuke murmured, rolling over to face the direction Yuri was laying, his body already turned toward Ryosuke’s.

“I think it’s exciting to think about it, I’ve never been to one of the ceremonies, have you?”

“Nope,” Ryosuke admitted.

“I think it’s probably perfect.”

“I guess,” Ryosuke yawned loudly.

“Are you excited?”

“For what?”

“To become an adult?”

“I guess so,” Ryosuke wasn’t entirely sure, he didn’t mind being young and letting other people handle all the boring details in reality, but maybe being an adult has some good points, he just hadn’t really considered it—though it was clear enough that Yuri had most certainly done so, “I will be glad to become an adult with you.”

Yuri smiled broadly, “Me, too.”

It didn’t take long for Ryosuke to drift off to sleep, and Yuri watched him carefully, his mind going through all of the thoughts about what his future might look like. How it might be the day they became adults, and maybe that would mean they could make their own choices—and maybe Ryosuke would feel the same as he did—finding it necessary to have him in his life.

Not yet sure what that meant, but positive that Ryosuke was as vital to his life as the air he breathed. Maybe he’d be the same to him one day.

_Maybe._

_I’ll pray hard for it._

_It seems to me that the prayers on that day—with so many voices, surely those prayers are heard loudest of all._

_Yes, I’ll pray hard on that day that Yama-chan will feel the same way I do._

_I don’t really know what it is, this feeling, but I just know I want him with me always._

* * *

##  **2009**

* * *

“Yama-chan?” Yuri whispered, and Ryosuke rolled over, groaning, “What Chii-chan?”

“I had a bad dream,” he whispered, his voice wet with tears.

Ryosuke tried to open his eyes, the burning causing him to clench them shut, “C’mere.”

He shifted in the bed, scooting backward, lifting the cover so Yuri could climb in with him.

Yuri scooted over curling up into Ryosuke’s embrace, his arms wrapping around him, his hands stroking his back softly, “You’re okay, it wasn’t real.”

“It felt real,” Yuri shuddered, not willing to close his eyes out of fear he’d see the images again. Bodies broken and mangled, beyond recognition–but he’d survived the crash and no one else had. He knew who was who, and he knew who was next to him. He whimpered at the thought, pressing his face into Ryosuke’s chest.

“I’ve got you,” Ryosuke whispered softly, pulling his head against him with his hand, holding him there, “You’re okay, nothing can hurt you now.”

“O-okay,” Yuri whispered, trying to believe it. 

Ryosuke started to sing softly, a lullaby that Yuri knew from when he was very young, and he was surprised that Ryosuke remembered something like that, but his voice was like an angel in the room with him, bathing him in security and comfort, and somehow he felt himself drifting off to sleep, safe there in Ryosuke’s arms with the sound of his voice ushering him to much gentler dreams.

He wanted to answer, to thank him, to say something but couldn’t–just smiled as he fell into the darkness at the sound of Ryosuke’s voice over his head.

“I will always take care of you.”

* * *

##  **2010**

* * *

The hotel was quiet, and Yuri had spent an extraordinary amount of time staring at Ryosuke while he slept. His mind had been very active lately in creating scenario after scenario of their future. He’d become increasingly agitated as a result, since their press managers kept leaking stories about Ryosuke with actresses and other singers, just to keep the fandom stirred up.

_Well, it keeps me stirred up too._

_I hate it. I don’t want to think about it._

Yuri sighed, frowning deeply as his eyes struggled to memorize Ryosuke’s contented face in sleep.

_One day someone else will see this vision._

_It’s just a matter of time, surely the moment he will find a girl and fall in love is coming—I should prepare myself._

_I don’t even know where to start, how to begin to harden my heart to that kind of pain._

His hand shifted, moving up to rest on his chest where it felt to him that even the thought was causing it to restrict and clench in pain.

_I might not be able to get over it. I don’t know how I will survive it._

Yuri’s eyes were tender on Ryosuke’s form and he closed them, listening to the soft breathing from the boy next to him, the gentle cadence like the rhythm to the universe’s eternal song.

_I love him so much. I don’t know how to be any different._

_I’ll support him, I love him enough to want him to be happy, don’t I?_

_Can I be that kind of person?_

_Maybe…I guess…but…no, not really, I want him to myself._

_I really am a spoiled brat._

_If I can’t have him, if I can’t and he doesn’t care about me…and he falls in love?_

_I have to be happy for him, that’s how those things are done, isn’t it?_

_I know it is. I have to figure it out._

_Or…I need to make him see how much I care about him, how much I love him._

_Somehow._

_How can I do that?_

_How do people do that?_

_Falling in love seems so simple in stories and movies and things…like…the most natural thing in the world, but is that how it really is?_

_I don’t know…I’ve never seen people fall in love before._

_All I know is that I can’t not love him._

_I can’t stop thinking about him._

_I want to tell him everything first…and when I’m sad he’s the only thing that can make me happy._

_When I hear his voice, everything is better…and when he touches me, it feels like all of the universe falling into alignment…everything is right._

_He probably doesn’t feel that at all…I’m just…’Chii-chan’ to him, a cute little kid who is a mascot maybe…a cute thing to protect and take care of—but that’s not love, right?_

_No, love is like…electric…and fire…and sparks._

_Like I feel, this is love, but he’s never looked at me like that, he’s never seen me like that._

_I’m just cute and his little brother._

_I need to grow more._

_I need to show him I’m not just some cute little brother._

_I need him to see me, really see me._

His eyes popped open when Ryosuke mumbled in his sleep, a common occurrence, as Ryosuke tended to talk in his sleep, and he was always fascinated by the words he could make out, the idea that he was privileged to hear his unfiltered thoughts—usually words of activities and stresses, song lyrics and such.

“Yuri…”

Yuri’s eyes widened, his name falling off Ryosuke’s lips in a sigh, and his heart suddenly began to race, his hand moving to grip his own shirt, trying to ensure his heartbeat didn’t shake the bed, the very foundation of the earth, as it felt that loud and strong to him.

_He said my name._

To Yuri, surely, he knew it could be some residual left over from the concert—Ryosuke could be dreaming about anything in the world, but somehow, in Yuri’s mind, he couldn’t help but imagine that in that moment, maybe Ryosuke was thinking of him in a different way.

A way that would be like how he saw Ryosuke.

When Ryosuke shifted, speaking his name softly again, Yuri bit his lip, his breath caught in his throat because he’d heard his name spoken from him many, many times, but this was different, and all he could think was how beautiful it was, how melodic, how undeniably sexy it was to have Ryosuke a foot away from him, his hair tousled and his face soft with the peace of sleep, and his name a whisper from his beautiful lips.

_One day, when we’re adults, when it’s safe, and Johnny’s can’t tell me what to do anymore…I’m going to tell him._

_I’ll tell him the truth, and maybe he’ll feel the same way._

The plan he’d long been formulating, the one that included their Coming of Age ceremony, the prayers at the temple that he just knew in his heart would see to his confession being accepted…so many things to look forward to, and he believed in the idea that one day, when they were older, and the time was right, they’d be together, somehow, he just felt like it could happen.

_It’s a state of delusion I prefer to live in._

_It’s far better than the reality that says he will probably be engaged to a lovely young woman whom he loves and adores by then._

_Shut up. I’m dreaming here._

_Just saying._

_Shut up. Right now, he’s here…he’s with me. I still have him, he’s still mine now._

_That’s all I care about._

_One day, I still believe he’ll hear my heart and answer._

_I have to believe it._

_When we’re older, things will be simpler._

_I’ll help him see._

_See the truth._

It didn’t take long for Yuri’s imagination to run with the thought, all of the ways that scenario could play out and when he thought of the words he would use to confess, and then the image of Ryosuke kissing him flitted through his mind he couldn’t help but groan, his entire body feeling like it was being engulfed in flames as he opened his eyes to see Ryosuke there, his face so serene, his profile so beautiful, so perfect, and all he could think in that moment was how much he wanted to find out how soft his lips really were.

_What would they feel like?_

_Are they really as smooth and soft as I think?_

Yuri struggled with the desire to act out the fantasy playing in his mind, and then Ryosuke moved again, and he panicked, worried that he might reach out for him, like he so often did to drag him over to him, a thing that Yuri would normally encourage—but not now, not when here he was in the bed with him, with undeniable evidence of his attraction something that would be impossible for him to hide or explain away, and with that thought, he jumped, bolting out of the bed.

Ryosuke startled awake as the bed shook, opening his eyes to see Yuri scrambling out of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Ryosuke whispered sleepily, his hand reaching out next to him, as if to grab Yuri and pull him back to him.

Yuri jumped, his head whipping around to look at Ryosuke, his eyes wide, “Nowhere! To…th-the bathroom! Go back to sleep. I’m sorry I woke you.”

_Weird._

Ryosuke blinked, his eyes blurry as he watched him scramble through the dark to the bathroom, then shook his head as he pulled the covers up over his head, burrowing down into the softness and falling almost immediately back to sleep.

* * *

##  **October 12, 2013**

* * *

“We should all match!” Yuri was excited over the thought, the discussion about their Coming of Age ceremony in the new year a highlight of their talks these days, pulling his knees up in the chair and leaning over the table, “What do you guys think?

“Did BEST wear matching outfits?” Keito wondered, looking around at the others.

“It really doesn’t matter if they did or didn’t,” Ryosuke reasoned, “The truth is, we can do what we want, it’s our ceremony, right?”

“True,” Keito nodded, glancing over at Yuto who had remained silent.

“What do you think, Yuto?”

“I agree,” he responded shaking his head, “I’m sorry, I’m preoccupied with some details on a shoot,” he shook his head, sitting his phone down on the table, “What shall we do then?”

Yuri held up a picture on his phone screen of a place there in Tokyo that created custom kimonos made in any design or pattern and the others leaned forward to look at the images as he slid through them.

They all glanced up when one of the managers came in, hopefully to give them their schedule for the next month.

“Boys!” the man nodded at them, sitting down a stack of folders, and then quickly giving them to the boys. He quickly went down a list of events and special arrangements for the next few weeks, and then snapped his folder closed, “Any questions?”

“No?” he nodded, “I’ll let you guys get back to whatever you were discussing then.”

“Aiko-san, what kind of kimono did you wear to your coming of age ceremony?” Yuri asked him curiously before he could leave.

“Oh, wow…that was a long time ago…”

“A reallllly long time ago,” Yuto laughed and then apologized for making a joke on the man’s behalf, especially since he wasn’t actually very old at all.

“I wore a traditional kuro mon-tsuki actually,” the manager responded, smiling at the memory, “Why?”

“We were deciding what to wear to ours,” Yuri answered with a smile on his face, though his expression froze when he saw that the manager’s eyes widened, and he looked around at the group of boys.

“What’s wrong?” Yuri asked, frowning, “Did I say something?”

“No…no…that is to say…” the manager took a deep breath, and then shook his head, “I guess no one has talked to you all about the Coming of Age ceremony then?”

“What?” Yuto sat up, glancing at the others, “What about it?”

“You have to understand,” the man stepped closer to the table, his fingertips resting there as if to hold himself up, “There’s a delicate balance between keeping you boys safe and doing as much as we can to ensure you live as normal of a life as possible.”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Ryosuke sat forward, his manner curt, his hands crossing his chest, already not liking the tone of this conversation and where it was going.

“It means—management has decided it was in the best interest of each of you, and that of the public interest to restrict your attendance of the Coming of Age ceremony,” the man’s eyes moved, but refused to lock on any of theirs.

“What!?” Yuri’s legs flew out, his palms slamming into the table’s surface, the chair crashing backwards, “Of course we’re attending our ceremony! _Of course_ , we are!”

The manager shook his head, “I’m really sorry, I’ll send in the documentation on it—but there’s already been inquiries from people to the temples about the fact there are four of you at the same time, and there’s…it’s a mess. They looked at all of it and felt the best course of action was for you to not attend.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, you get someone in here right this minu—”

“Chii-chan,” Ryosuke’s voice was soft, his hand resting on Yuri’s on the edge of the table, and Yuri’s head turned, his eyes snapping to Ryosuke as he continued to speak, “It’s okay, it will be okay.”

“No! It won’t be oka—”

“Yuri!” Ryosuke didn’t shout, but his tone was enough to make Yuri frown, not liking this at all, especially not the fact that Ryosuke didn’t seem as upset as he was—since he couldn’t count the number of nights they’d fallen asleep talking about how amazing it was going to be that day, his eyes softened when Ryosuke squeezed his hand, “Yuri, it will be okay, trust me.”

Yuri stared at Ryosuke for a moment, whatever he finally saw there enough to convince him to let Ryosuke handle it, stomping across the room and throwing himself dramatically down on the couch, face down into a pillow.

Ryosuke watched him and then looked back at the manager, “This was _clearly_ not handled properly, and I think while the whole of Johnny’s was discussing our Coming of Age ceremony, well, I think it might have been wisdom to _include the four of us_ in the dialogue.”

The manager twisted his hands, “I wasn’t a part of the discussion, I didn’t have anything to do with it, I’m sorry.”

“Well, here’s the thing— _how_ do they intend to _reinforce_ this edict that we can’t attend one of the most important ceremonies of our lives?”

The man swallowed thickly, his eyes apologetic, “I believe they expect you to obey them without question.”

“I see,” Ryosuke narrowed his eyes, “We’re meant to _do as we’re told_.”

“In a manner of speaking,” the manager affirmed, clearing his throat, “I have another meeting—but I’ll make sure to send in the proper information to you, I’ll see to it immediately.”

“ _You do that_ ,” Ryosuke’s voice was dismissive, somehow scalding and arrogant in it’s tone as he nodded, waving the man off as he stood up, the chair making a loud screeching sound as he walked away, rudely to be sure, from the manager to check on Yuri.

He frowned when the door closed and Yuto hissed at him from across the room, “Yamada! You can’t talk to management like that!”

Ryosuke stood still, turning to look straight into Yuto’s eyes, “I certainly can when they’re actively disrespecting us, they can’t make these kinds of choices for us! God! I mean we’re discussing our Coming of Age ceremony where we’re officially _adults_ for God’s sake!” Ryosuke snapped, knowing he would have to apologize to the manager and set things right but too irritated to consider doing so at the moment.

“He didn’t do anything wrong,” Yuri lifted his head from the couch, tears in his eyes, to stare at Yuto, “He asked questions, ones that I know we were _all_ thinking, so don’t get mad at him just because you weren’t brave enough to call them out on this—this… _stupid decision_!”

“Okay, okay…everyone needs to take a deep breath,” Keito whispered, standing up and shrugging as he moved around the table to get between the boys, his hand reaching out to rest on Yuto’s shoulder, shaking his head when Yuri growled loudly in frustration, burying his head back in the pillow “We all care about this, obviously, and we all are fully aware that Johnny’s doesn’t take no for an answer, so we might as well accept that we won’t be a part of the ceremony.”

“That sucks,” Yuto crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair, frowning deeply, “You’re right though…they won’t change their minds.”

Before they could continue their talk, the door opened, and one of the clerks from down the hall walked in, “Excuse me, they told me to bring this to you.”

Ryosuke watched as Yuto took the file, nodding at the clerk, thanking him as he turned to leave, sighing as he turned to glance back at Ryosuke, “Anyway, I didn’t mean to snap—"

“It’s fine,” Ryosuke waved him off, closing the distance between himself and Yuri, squatting down by where his head was laying, his hand reaching out to touch the back of his head, his voice soft, soothing, “Hey…everything’s gonna be alright.”

Yuri turned his head, his eyes remaining closed, frowning, “It won’t be…I was really looking forward to this…we… _we_ were…”

Ryosuke could hear Keito and Yuto mumbling about what was in the folder, and he tried to ignore them, his eyes fixed on Yuri’s when they popped open, full of sadness, “…this and then the party and everything, and now—what? They don’t even want to let us go to the temple?”

“Ryosuke, _we have to go to the temple_!” Ryosuke frowned as he watched a tear fall across Yuri’s cheek onto the couch. He wasn’t entirely sure what it was that made this such a big deal to Yuri, despite them talking about it a lot as they grew up, it never seemed like a ‘do or die’ thing to him, but apparently, it surely was for Yuri.

He turned when Yuto called his name, finding him holding up one of the papers, “It really does say here we are forbidden from attending any of the ceremonies, or visiting the temples in our region. I-I just…I can’t believe it.”

“Me either,” Keito frowned, looking at the other pages in the folder.

Ryosuke clenched his eyes shut, trying to think, needing to fix this, make things right for Yuri, then he rustled Yuri’s hair when he spoke, “Listen, we’ll go to the temple, Yur,” Ryosuke glanced back at the others.

Yuto tilted his head, and was clearly concerned that Ryosuke shouldn’t make promises he might not be able to keep, Ryosuke didn’t pay attention to the warning, looking back at Yuri who had opened his eyes to stare at him, “Even if it’s just you and I, we’ll go to the temple, I promise.”

Yuri nodded, believing this, and in that moment Ryosuke wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Yuri look so small, so child-like, and yet, so trusting in him. He was going to see to this. He was going to make it happen no matter what, smiling softly at him, “We’ll _all_ be there.”

“Really?” Yuri whispered, his eyes filled with hope.

“Yes,” Ryosuke nodded, shifting around to lean his hip against the couch, his hand moving onto Yuri’s back as his arm enveloped his head, “Read me that part you just talked about, the way it’s written?”

“Okay,” Yuto flipped the page and then read out loud, “There’s a bunch of stuff about the city’s concerns…stuff about internal dialogue…ahhh…umm…oh, here it is! The members shall not be permitted to attend any of the Seijin no Hi within the Kantō region, including the Gunma, Tochigi, Ibaraki, Saitama, Tokyo, Chiba, and Kanagawa prefectures. Likewise, they will be expressly forbidden from attending prayer service at any of the temples within the the Kantō region, including the Gunma, Tochigi, Ibaraki, Saitama, Tokyo, Chiba, and Kanagawa prefectures.”

“That’s fine,” Ryosuke’s eyes lit up, and he smiled broadly, “That leaves forty other prefectures where we _haven’t_ been forbidden to attend.”

Keito blinked rapidly, and then he laughed loudly, “Oh my gosh, he’s right!?”

Yuto didn’t answer, just looking through the papers frantically, and then he looked up at Ryosuke who was watching him in his search to find a reason it wouldn’t work, smiling, “It doesn’t say anything else, it doesn’t say anything about any other regions or prefectures.”

“So…we obey, we won’t attend one in the Kantō prefectures…but we’ll pick one somewhere else, and we’ll attend there.”

Yuto was considering the idea carefully, and Ryosuke was prepared to defend his idea, but Yuri’s hand reached up, touching his cheek and forcing him to turn to look down at him, his voice soft and small, “Are you serious?”

“Totally,” Ryosuke smiled softly, “We’ll have our own ceremony if we have to, but we’re participating in the Coming of Age ceremony, and we will be going to the temple, I promise.”

Yuri smiled then, his hand sliding up around Ryosuke’s neck to drag him down, so he could hug him, “Thanks, Yama-chan!”

Ryosuke smiled as he wrapped his arms around him to hug him back.

_I’d do anything for you._

“You’re welcome, Yuri,” Ryosuke smiled despite his head being twisted in a weird way, and his ankles crying for him to stand up and his face being filled with mostly Yuri’s hair—because Yuri was hugging him.

_I’d do anything to make you smile._

* * *

##  **November 1, 2013**

* * *

“I really like this pattern!” Ryosuke pointed to one of the swatches that had a pattern of thin and short lines made from small hash patterns on the fabric, a vague light grayish-blue tint to part of the fabric, hardly noticeable, but they’d all agreed it would be kind of nice to have a bit of flair to the outfit, despite it being traditional in every other way. The part would hardly be seen in fact, but they’d know it was there..

“I like that one, also,” Yuto agreed, reaching forward to pull a different swatch out, “I’m tied between that one and this one.”

Yuri nodded, “Me, too.”

“Well, I think Keito will be the deciding factor,” Ryosuke glanced at his watch, “Where is he? Anyone heard from him?”

The words had no sooner left his mouth than the door flew open and Keito entered the room carrying a box, “Sorry! Sorry, I’m late guys!”

“Need help?” Ryosuke asked, stepping around the table, but Keito shook his head, and moved to set the box on the table.

“I got it,” Keito responded, sliding the box away, and then looking at the swatches on the table, “For the obi with our mon-tsuki?”

“Yes,” Ryosuke nodded, laying out all the swatches in a row, “What do you like?”

Keito looked over them carefully, pulling a few forward to compare with one another and then slide one out by itself, “I like this one, it’s subtle but still decorative.”

The others nodded, and Ryosuke slid the one they’d been debating about forward, “This was the one we were tied with.”

“Ah,” Keito put the two side by side, “They are not very different, I do like this one,” he gestured to the one he’d chosen, “only because it will add a small amount of color without detracting from the formality.”

“Good,” Ryosuke grabbed the swatches and tucked the ones not chosen away into a bag, “Now that’s decided, we have only to see our crest!”

“I’m so excited!” Yuri leaned forward on the table, “I am so excited!”

Yuto nodded, “Me too!”

“Okay, okay,” Keito laughed lightly, “I have it here!”

“Thank you again for designing the kamon for us, Keito,” Ryosuke smiled at him, “We all really appreciate it.”

“It was my honor,” Keito bowed slightly, his cheeks flushed, “I am thankful you all had faith in me that I could do something worthy of us. I really hope you like it.”

“I’m not worried at all,” Ryosuke smiled at him, “But I am excited!”

He pointed to the box and Keito laughed as he pulled it over to sit in front of himself.

“Okay, I’ll show you how it will look on our kimono and haori first.”

Ryosuke glanced over, laughing softly at the way that Yuri was practically vibrating in place from his excitement, watching as Keito opened the box, careful to not reveal the contents before he was ready.

He drew out an image, moving it over the table upside down so that all the boys could see was a black surface, and then he quickly flipped it over to lay it on the table, his eyes soft and hopeful, holding his breath.

“That’s amazing!” Yuri gushed, leaning to get a closer look!

“It’s so cool!” Ryosuke said, shifting around the table to pat Keito o the back, “You did amazing, this is amazing!”

“It really is, Keito!” Yuto exclaimed, pointing at the design, “It’s so unique!”

Keito blushed at the praise and he was grinning so big his cheeks were aching, nodding, “I worked very hard to make something that represented the four of us.”

Ryosuke pulled him into a side hug, “You succeeded, it’s fantastic.”

“Eh, it’s alright,” Keito mused, knowing that they didn’t really get it, _not yet_ , and then he shifted, reaching into the box, and quickly drew out a large frame with another version of the symbol in color having been matted behind the glass, thrusting it into Ryosuke’s hands.

Ryosuke looked down at the frame, his eyes wide as he took in the symbol, realizing that the ‘cool’ symbol he’d seen before was in fact, deeply profound in the design and what it meant, the other boys falling silent as Keito handed them their frames.

“I…Keito…” Ryosuke’s words were choked, emotion flooding him, “it was…amazing the way it will show up as our crest on our clothing…but this…this is… _perfect_.”

“Thank you,” Keito responded, humbly, glad that the boys loved his design this much, glad he’d been able to capture who they were in in a single symbol.

“You did great,” Ryosuke smiled, sniffling, trying to hold back his tears, and Keito grabbed him into a huge hug, causing him to laugh and cry at the same time, the words muffled, “Really, thank you.”

They’d talked for a while longer, adding a few ideas and such to the plans, and as they were leaving Ryosuke handed them each a business card, “I’ll take the crest to the shop this week, so they can create the dye for it. By Thursday all of you need to go there and get your measurements done so they can start working on your mon-tsuki! _Don’t forget!_ They are waiting for those measurements!”

“Wait,” Yuri stopped, looking down at the card, “I thought we were each goin—”

“I took care of it,” Ryosuke spoke softly, yet firmly, his eyes imploring the others to understand why he wanted to do this, needed to do it, “I just…it’s…please don’t argue with me. I just really…I wanted to do it—we’ve all talked about it for so long and now that we’re close I am feeling very…sentimental about it. Just…let me do it, okay?”

It wasn’t really in any of the boys to accept such an extravagant gift under normal circumstances, but things being as they were this wasn’t really ‘ordinary’ at all, and a such, it was as if the thought of how kind and generous and warm and loving this gesture was had hit them all at the same time—and resulted in a large mass of laughter, tears, arms, in what could arguably have been the longest group hug ever.

* * *

Also, in my research I discovered that there was a lot of buzz about whether or not 7 was allowed to attend their ceremony, and no images have surfaced at all–and there were statements from Johnny’s and such. I used the idea in my story, though I can not confirm or deny if they really did attend one.


	4. [1.3] It's Enough (Hey Say 7 celebrates Yuri’s 20th Birthday, 2013–includes all 4 members of 7)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey Say 7 celebrates Yuri’s 20th Birthday, 2013–includes all 4 members of 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/2-its-enough-yuris-20th-birthday-2013/)
> 
> * * *

* * *

Yuto was making his way through the streets toward Ryosuke’s neighborhood, having been the designated driver, he was making sure everyone got home safely. It had been a good idea as it turned out, since despite having been out with Keito a few times, he had never really seen him drink more than a single drink with his dinner—and tonight he found out that it didn’t take much to send him into alternate fits of giggles and uncontrollable tears.

At one point he’d burst out into tears from how pretty the strawberry was on the top of his drink, sobbing as he lamented how it was ‘the prettiest strawberry I’ve ever seen in my whole life’.

_Drunk people though._

On the other hand, the guy they’d taken to the bar to purposefully get trashed, Yuri, seemed to hold his alcohol fairly well. They’d all been pretty impressed until he admitted he’d carb loaded before showing up, and was drinking slower than everyone else.

As it turned out, once the food slowed down and the drinks kept coming they’d all pulled out their cellphones to document his slow slide into inebriation for the first time. The glazed eyes, the way he started hugging everyone, and sitting in their laps like had when he was twelve.

They’d had a good laugh, and then when they’d tried to cut him off he pitched a holy fit and Ryosuke had ended up tricking him into leaving by telling him that he was going to take him dancing.

“Will you dance with me, Yama-chan?”

“Sure,” Ryosuke laughed as he held Yuri up, handling him carefully across the parking lot.

“You promise?”

“Yes,” Ryosuke laughed, “I promise when we go dancing I will dance with you, Yuri.”

“Ca-can I pick the song?”

“Sure, of course.” Ryosuke couldn’t think of a reason at all he shouldn’t make these promises to him since they weren’t actually going dancing, and odds were that Yuri wouldn’t remember any of this anyway.

Yuto had supported Keito to the car, buckling him in the front seat and laughing when he pulled his knees up to his chest and burst into tears because he was cold. He grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and wrapped him up in it, which caused him to weep more, as he told him how much he loved him and what a good friend he is.

Ryosuke had managed to convince Yuri that the dance club was not in the same neighborhood—which got him excited, so he jumped clumsily into the backseat and hit his fists on the front seats screaming for Yuto to ‘get your ass in here and take me to dance with the hottie!’

They had no idea who the ‘hottie’ was, at least no one was willing to guess, and when they’d asked him, Yuri’s face had flushed a dark red, and he’d barked orders at Yuto about what club he wanted to go to and told him to get them there ‘stat’.

Yuto started the car, glancing over at Keito before he pulled out of the parking lot, intending to give him control over the radio only to find him sleeping soundly, snoring softly with his head pressed against the window, then his attention was drawn by the escalating racket from the backseat. He paused, still stopped at the exit, turning in his seat to try to get a feel for what was going on back there.

He discovered Ryosuke trying to wrangle Yuri into the seatbelt—but their somewhat belligerent newly christened now exceedingly drunken twenty-year old—had apparently thrown his arms around Ryosuke’s waist with a death grip, murmuring an ongoing monologue about how much he loved him.

Yuto stifled a laugh when he heard Yuri’s voice, slurred, and sloppy, still fading in and out, his eyes making contact with Ryosuke who was smiling, looking down at Yuri while he continued to express his undying love and affection for him, “I love you, Ryo-chan. I really, really love you!”

Ryosuke laughed, “Well, if you love me you need to do what I’m asking you to do right now. You have to sit down and let me put the seatbelt on you. It’s dangerous to not wear it, and I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Okay, only cause you asked, just for you,” his head wobbled as he nodded, his eyes seeming to bounce with the motion.

“Then sit back and let me fix it.”

“I still want to hug you, can I?”

“Sure, sure,” Ryosuke nodded, pushing into his chest with his shoulder to get him into the position to finally get the belt around him, releasing his breath when the belt finally clicked into place.

He pulled back grabbing his own seatbelt, having to thread it between Yuri’s arms because he was _not_ letting go, now leaning over onto Ryosuke’s side of the car, still holding him around his midsection.

“We good?” Yuto asked, raising his eyebrows in amusement, still trying not to laugh at the scene.

“Yeah,” Ryosuke nodded, shrugging, “Sorry.”

“No problem, who knew he was going to be that kind of drunk, right?”

“Truth,” Ryosuke nodded, watching as Yuri shifted, twisting in his belt and then ending up with his head laid on his lap, one hand still resting between his back and the seat, the other stretched out across his legs and tucked underneath his thigh.

“I love you Ryo-chan…” the words were soft, and Yuri had shifted his head, blinking dreamily up at Ryosuke, a smile on his face.

Ryosuke shushed him gently, his hand moving through Yuri’s hair softly, trying to soothe him, “Sleep now, Chii.”

“But…but…I need to tell you.”

His tone was comical, like he was telling a long-held secret, despite his voice being far too loud for such things, and Ryosuke couldn’t help but smile as he watched Yuri trying to lift his head, but it was no use, instead his head just lolled to the side, and his eyes twitched where he was trying to open them, sleep demanding to be taken, Ryosuke’s voice soft as he leaned over him, “Tell me what?”

“How much I love you,” the words were messy, but Ryosuke knew what he was saying, and he felt his heart clench—not really having thought that him being around a drunk Yuri would mean him saying things that he so desperately longed to hear, but that he didn’t even know he was saying.

_If only he meant it the way I wish he did._

“I love you, too, Yuri,” Ryosuke frowned at the bittersweet feeling swelling in his chest when he said the words, the meaning so much more than the way he knew that Yuri would hear them, pushing the hair off his forehead, his fingers moving through the silky strands, smiling down at him, “Sleep now.”

“Okay,” Yuri murmured, and Ryosuke couldn’t help but laugh quietly as he felt the weight change, Yuri finally having drifted off to sleep nearly instantly after so much protesting.

Yuto had pulled out on the road leading to Ryosuke’s house, familiar with the route, his eyes glancing in the rear-view mirror, a smile spreading across his face at the scene in the backseat.

Ryosuke had his head leaned against the headrest, eyes closed, and despite having drank a bit, he wasn’t too far gone, he was a little wobbly, and certainly, his eyes had been glassy and his face flushed, but mostly his aura was serene, no worries, no concerns there, and Yuto was glad. This had been a strange night, a weird turn of events given the way the two of them had talked, admitted a lot of past issues they’d had with each other.

It felt like a new page had turned in the book of their lives and he was glad to have all that unpleasantness put away for good now. He was so thankful, felt relieved, and he understood Ryosuke finally, and he knew he understood him, too. Things would never go back to the way they were, they’d grow together now, and nothing could make him happier, nothing in the world.

_Well, maybe one thing…_

He reached up, quietly as he could to not disturb the others, twisting the rearview mirror to try to see what Yuri was doing, his eyes widening when he discovered Yuri was also sound asleep—shocked first that the kid could fall asleep so fast after his manic episode of ordering him around, and then secondarily about how he was sleeping.

He couldn’t help but wonder, about Yuri, about him with Ryosuke…the image they presented, they looked like they belonged there, the two of them together, despite the picture being one of decided disarray—it still looked somehow… _right_.

_It is right._

_I know it is._

Ryosuke’s legs were stretched out in front of him, a contented smile on his face, and Yuri was sprawled out across him, seemingly passed out, his arms wrapped around Ryosuke, and Ryosuke’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders, holding him there against him.

Yuto left the mirror, just so he could see the two of them, enjoying it on a secret level that he wondered if he dared to admit to either of them. He focused back on the drive, turning the song on the radio up just a bit louder so he could sing along quietly.

Ryosuke’s head lifted when they’d made a turn, blinking sleepily as he remembered where they were, what they were doing. His eyes widened, staring down at the boy in his lap, the swell of emotions rushing through him as he took in his appearance, and normally it would be the time he’d run through his list of all the reasons why loving Yuri was the worst thing he could possibly do—but tonight, thanks to the fuzzy glow around him from the alcohol that was still warming his skin—without any further thought than how much he truly loved this boy—he leaned over, kissing his forehead gently, his lips pressed against his warm skin, lingering there for a moment as he let himself imagine, to pretend that this was real, that this was something that wasn’t impossible. 

There in that moment though?

With the sound of the wind against the car, the soft lull of the motion, and the feeling like the whole space was safe and made for declarations and terms of love and endearment—all of the world seeming a little kinder, a little gentler around him thanks to the alcohol whirling through his veins, it felt like it could be real.

_Like, somehow, something like this could really happen._

He sighed softly, kissing him again, and then pulling away reluctantly, a smile spreading across his face at the thought, impossible as it was, he couldn’t be shaken, his eyes moving to look out the window as store lights passed by and then his eyes shifted, and his heart stopped.

Yuto’s eyes were fixed on those facing him in the rearview mirror, and then he hastily looked back at the road, swallowing thickly, trying to figure out how to pretend he hadn’t seen what had just happened.

_I’m right!_

_I knew it!_

Ryosuke couldn’t think clearly, couldn’t think of how to explain his actions to Yuto.

_Maybe he didn’t see…_

Ryosuke was still trying to figure out whether Yuto might have seen the kiss when the car came to a stop, Yuto sitting still in the front seat, “We’re here.”

He glanced over to see Keito still unmoving, and then turned to look at the backseat, his eyes apologetic as he looked into Ryosuke’s, pointing at Yuri, “Do you want me to take him home first?”

“No,” Ryosuke shook his head, “He drank too much, I don’t want him to be alone, it’s dangerous, he can stay here, and I’ll take him home in the morning.”

“Okay,” Yuto agreed, getting out and then opening the door for Ryosuke.

“Yuri?” Ryosuke shook him a bit, “We’re at my house, we need to go inside.”

Yuri didn’t move, didn’t stop the soft puffing sounds that were coming out every three breaths.

Ryosuke looked at Yuto who shrugged.

He shifted, trying to crawl out of the car to get loose from Yuri’s grasp, finally managing, standing outside the car with his hands on his hips. He reached in his pocket, handing Yuto his keys, “You get the door, I’ll get him.”

Yuto nodded, turning to walk up the sidewalk. Ryosuke was glad that Yuri was so small as he shifted him this way and that until he could finally get him lifted into his arms, careful to not hit his head as he pulled him out of the car. Yuto nodded, waiting until they’d cleared the door to close it, following Ryosuke into his house.

Ryosuke leaned over to sit Yuri on the couch, but he whined, a high-pitched protest coming out of his body, and Yuto laughed, his eyebrows raising when Ryosuke glanced at him, “I don’t think he wants to be alone.”

“Right…” Ryosuke shifted, turning to sit on the couch and he reached down, picking up Yuri’s head and shoulders so he could slide under him, settling him back down carefully on him.

Yuri rolled over onto his side, an involuntary action, as his entire body felt like it was operating of its own accord, his head resting on Ryosuke’s knee, his body heavy, and his consciousness begging to be set free, yet, he lingered, somewhere on the cusp between awake and asleep—the whole feeling disorienting.

“So…” Yuto drew the word out, swaying in place before his eyes connected with Ryosuke’s his meaning more than clear when he asked the question, “Are you going to tell him?”

“Oi!” Ryosuke scoffed loudly, surprised at the fact that Yuto was addressing the kiss so directly, “You meant it when you said we weren’t going to have any more walls between us!”

Yuto laughed, raising his eyebrows, “It was your idea, don’t try to blame me, you started it.”

Ryosuke laughed softly, shaking his head, and then Yuto joined him, the tone of his voice soft, “You should tell him, Ryosuke. You like him, he likes you…you need to talk about it.”

“You have no idea about all of it…” Ryosuke stated, not in an accusing or even dismissive way, in a way that said, ‘I’ll tell if you ask’ rather, that he needed someone to talk to about who could give him an open and honest perspective.

“I know more than you think, Yama-chan,” Yuto pronounced, plopping down on the footstool in front of Ryosuke, bending forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“What the hell does that mean?” Ryosuke asked, narrowing his eyes.

Yuto laughed, raising his hands up in defense, “Don’t get mad, it’s not my fault you guys are subtle as a bull in a china shop.”

“How so?” Ryosuke asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“I see how you have him labeled in your phone when you’re texting him…Do you know what he has you labeled at by any chance?” Ryosuke’s eyes widened a little bit, but that wasn’t really proof anything—still, he shook his head, because he didn’t know.

“’The one’,” Yuto whispered, “That’s what your name is in his phone.”

“That could be anything, you guys call me Ace all the time!”

“It’s not just _anything_ , he isn’t talking about that…C’mon, Ryosuke, don’t be stupid! I shouldn’t have to convince you–I’ve seen you move other people’s designations so that he could sit next to you. I saw you go to management to make sure he would be a part of the show you were on time and again.”

“So…I’d do that fo—”

“Shut up, you wouldn’t—and he wouldn’t either, but he does all those things with you, too. You have no idea, do you?”

Ryosuke stared at Yuto wide-eyed, his eyes bouncing down to Yuri and then back again, “I—I don’t…I dunno…”

“Listen, I mean, who the heck spends _four hours_ picking out the perfect gift for someone’s birthday? You don’t do that for _friends_.”

“I do,” Ryosuke answered defensively.

“Really?” Yuto smiled, “You spent four hours picking out the perfect gift card to my favorite camera store?”

Ryosuke frowned, knowing it was true, knowing everything Yuto was saying was completely true, but not feeling like talking anymore—the more that was said the more the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach kept rising up, stronger and stronger.

“I just…listen, I understand—you should know that. I’m not trying to call you out here—but how long are you guys going to keep doing this? This…pretending?”

Ryosuke’s breath shuddered, and while he wanted to say something, he couldn’t think of what he could possibly say, his mind reeling.

“I saw the way you drew a heart around the date on your calendar for his birthday—when you’d opened it while we were in the waiting area—you were checking the date for the production they called you about yesterday.”

“I’m going to be honest, okay? I have four years of evidence, and we can spend all night going through it—and these are just things from this month, Yama-chan.”

Ryosuke’s eyes widened, and he realized maybe he’d become a little careless, if Yuto could discover so much about his feelings about Yuri.

_Or maybe you want Yuri to figure it out._

_No._

_That can’t happen._

“You are such a…” Ryosuke wanted to raise his voice but didn’t dare with Yuri sleeping in his lap, his voice a low hiss, “You’re such a nosey-ass bitch! I can’t believe you’ve been spying like that!”

Yuto shrugged, “It wasn’t hard, you weren’t exactly subtle, Romeo. Plus, I prefer the term inquisitive, thank you very much.”

“Whatever,” Ryosuke sighed, raising his hand up to press against his eyes as he closed them, “It doesn’t matter, things are what they are and I’m not going to mess things up just because I can’t let this go.”

“ _Why_ do you need to let it go?” Yuto asked, tapping Ryosuke’s knee so he’d look at him, “Why can’t you two be happy together?”

Ryosuke huffed, raising his arm up to pinch the bridge of his nose, shaking his head, “Listen, I don’t even know how he feels, I don’t even know if he…you know…likes…”

“Likes guys?” Yuto asked pointedly.

“Yeah,” Ryosuke felt stupid for not being willing to say that simple statement out loud.

It wasn’t like he didn’t talk about it.

His parents knew how he felt about Yuri, his sisters too, he’d told them a long time ago—but he’d explained to them that he was married to his job, and it was good that the possibility didn’t exist for them to be together. 

It made things easier for him to be an idol. That was his focus, that was his job. It was a blessing to him, that despite having been around thousands of people in hundreds of different situations, he’d never felt a particular attraction to _anyone_.

_Except Yuri._

“It’s complicated for me…I have…I have so many responsibilities,” Ryosuke murmured, and for a moment Yuto was glad that he wasn’t the center of Jump, despite having wanted that coveted position, because now, he saw the weight of it in this moment, all of the facets of the job clear as Ryosuke sat raw and broken in front of him, his voice shaking when he spoke, “…nothing I do just affects me. _Everything_ I do has ramifications, for me, for _everyone._ ”

“That may be true,” Yuto took a deep breath, leaning closer to him, “…but Ryosuke, you also have a responsibility to yourself, to you—to give yourself the freedom to be happy. This life is demanding, and I can’t pretend to fully understand your position, but I do know one thing— _no one_ should have to live a loveless life just because they’re in our profession.”

As Ryosuke contemplated this, Yuri had drifted into a strange awareness, feeling like he was floating in the room, as if his entire body was weightless and he was suspended in some in between place—not fully conscious, but not fully asleep either—and he struggled, hearing Yuto and Ryosuke talking, wanting to join the conversation, but not able to move, not able to force his eyes open.

“Yama-chan, sometimes, even as idols, I think it’s okay for us to push everything else aside and look at what’s best for ourselves. We can’t make everyone happy all the time, it’s not possible. Something like this? This should be something that works that way, that you decide how to handle it based on what is going to be the best thing for you and your life,” Yuto spoke the words softly, imploring him to listen.

“It’s not that simple.”

Yuri wanted to open his eyes, he wanted to see Ryosuke, because the words sounded pained, they sounded like he was suffering, and he wanted to help him, do whatever he could to make it better, but his body refused to listen to him, refused to do what he wanted, rather it felt as if more weight settled on him, and he cursed the drinks he’d had, wishing they’d warned him about this part.

“It _is_ that simple, you’re just a dumb ass!” Yuto laughed softly, and Yuri could tell he was close by, and he wondered absently why they’d let him and Keito drink so much, “You like each other—it’s the simplest thing in the world.”

_What…what is he talking about?_

_Oh, God! Does Ryosuke like someone!?_

“Yuto,” Ryosuke’s hand moved across Yuri’s back, and even in his state it felt like there was affection there and he wanted to cry—he wanted to grab it and hold it against him, “It really isn’t. There are a lot of people who would be affected, Jump, our families, a lot of people who could be…hurt…not just me, and…I mean, _he_ could be hurt by them.”

_Him? Ryosuke likes a guy? Wait…Ryosuke likes a guy….whoa…_

Ryosuke glanced down at Yuri, his hand moving down his arm to rest on his back.

_Wait…wait…he likes a guy!_

“I just…protecting him is the most important thing. I don’t want him to be hurt. I don’t want him to ever be hurt.”

_Oh, NO! God! Please!_

Yuri felt his heart stop and he wanted to move, needed to sit up and stop this conversation, stop these words, he wanted to slap his hands over his ears, because if he heard more he was going to die, just die right there with his head on Ryosuke’s lap, his hands tucked under his legs, his arm resting back on his own now, his hand warm where it was laying, and he wanted to cry, he wished he could.

_Please, give me a chance, I need to tell you before you decide this!_

_I need you to know how I feel!_

“I mean,” Yuto’s voice was soft, and it was close, and Yuri heard movement, realizing that he was sitting on the stool that was in front of the couch, “I’m not going to pretend to know everything, but I…I’ve seen how he looks at you, Yama-chan, and I have heard the things he says, I mean, he doesn’t even try to pretend that he doesn’t see you like that—”

_Oh God, oh God…Ryosuke likes someone and they like him, too._

“—and the thing is, I don’t think it’s an act—you know how he is on shows and interviews and stuff…and…I just think, I’m right, okay? I think he’s crazy about you.”

_I’m crazy about you!_

Ryosuke didn’t blink, didn’t look away, didn’t mince words—he was deadly serious, “I can’t take that chance.”

_Please, please, give me a chance!_

“What chance?”

“The chance that you’re wrong,” Ryosuke whispered, his voice filled with pain, his eyes closing tightly at the very thought, “ _I can’t lose him_ , I can’t take that chance, I’d rather have him in my life as a friend, than to lose him—he’s always been a permanent part of my world, since we were kids. I can’t take a chance he’d walk away.”

_Who? Wait…who? Since they were kids?_

“I don’t think for a second that would happen.”

“ _I can’t take the chance_ ,” Ryosuke repeated, “I need him in my life, in whatever capacity,” Ryosuke’s hand clenched Yuri’s shoulder, “I can’t…I can’t even imagine losing him, okay? I mean it, I can’t…”

Yuri played the words over in his head… _wait…wait…are they talking…are they talking about me?_

“It’s just you—only you, that thinks there’s even a remote possibility that he doesn’t feel that way about you,” Yuto insisted, “I know I’m right. Yuri loves you.”

_I do love you!_

_I do!_

Ryosuke’s hand shifted, moving across Yuri’s shoulder, his eyes fixed on the boy in his lap and he tried to imagine it, imagine the chance that Yuri could feel the same way about him, that he could want the same things he did. His hand moved slowly across his neck, his fingers lifting as he drew them through his soft hair, wanting to kick his own ass when he realized he was kinda glad he’d passed out stone cold drunk, just because he’d had a little too much himself, and he found that despite him telling his hand to stop touching him—he couldn’t.

“I love him.”

_I love you!_

He didn’t mean for the words to come out, he thought them and then they spilled out, just fell out without inhibition.

“I know,” Yuto sighed, and he shifted, standing up, “You need to tell _him_ that.”

The room was silent, and then Yuto shifted, “I’m going home, you need to go to bed, we shouldn’t have done this when we have work tomorrow.”

“At least we don’t have to be there until noon,” Ryosuke smiled, his eyes moving to the clock to see it was nearly eleven.

Yuri could hear Yuto moving around, and if he could have made himself laugh he would have at his words, “I’m taking Keito to my house since he’s still passed out in my car—the kid can’t hold his alcohol at all—you should have warned me, you idiot. At least I know all he’ll do is throw up and then cry—who can guess what Yuri is going to be like, besides—you only need one hung-over patient to deal with.”

“Thanks, Yutti,” Ryosuke whispered, “For…everything.”

“Thank you, Ryosuke, for everything too,” Yuto smiled, pointing to Yuri and then nodding, “Talk to him,” pulling the door closed behind him, having set the lock, and headed to his car to take care of Keito.

Ryosuke looked down at Yuri, feeling overwhelmed by his affection for him, wanting to tell him, wanting him to know, but he was plagued with doubts, with fears, with uncertainty—and he meant it, meant that he would die if he lost Yuri.

There was no world he could imagine without him in it. It made his chest feel weighted and crushed at the thought. He was a cornerstone in his world, a part of his very foundation and there would be no recovering from the void his life would become without him.

_I can’t lose him. I can’t. There’s no way, I can’t risk it._

He shifted, lifting Yuri up to move out from under him, and Yuri finally was able to make a sound, a low growl of protest coming out of him as he felt the cool couch pillow shoved under his head—desperately wanting to feel Ryosuke’s warmth again.

His eyes wouldn’t open so he just growled again, irritated at his own body.

“Calm down,” Ryosuke leaned close to him, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to get you some water to drink before you sleep.”

The sound of water made him frown, all he wanted to do was sleep, sleep and tell Ryosuke how much loved him.

_Either one or the other or both in no particular order._

He didn’t know how much time had passed, startling when he felt Ryosuke touch him, “Hey, I’m gonna help you sit up, okay?”

He groaned, not sure what that meant, but whatever.

He felt his body shift, and Ryosuke had an arm under his, lifting him up off the couch, and he felt like he wasn’t walking, though he knew he somehow was, and he blinked, watching as the hallway passed by, then he was laying down on a soft, pillowy surface and he smiled, humming in contentment, the scent of Ryosuke filling all his senses.

“Hey, hey, don’t fall back to sleep yet,” Ryosuke spoke quickly, pushing his arm under Yuri’s shoulders to force him to sit up, shaking him lightly, as he sat down beside him on the bed, supporting him.

“Tired,” Yuri whined, trying to flop backward but Ryosuke wasn’t having any of it.

“You can sleep after you drink some water.”

“Do not want.”

Ryosuke shook him lightly, shaking his head, “I don’t care if you ‘do not want’—you have to drink it, it will help you in the morning, just a few sips.”

Yuri fussed, most of the words incoherent but Ryosuke felt pretty sure he was cursing at him, which just made him laugh under his breath, as Yuri attempted to drink from the straw Ryosuke had pushed into his mouth, taking a few sips, and then crying out, pitiful, “Sleep?”

Ryosuke laughed, slowly lowering him back down onto the pillow before he shifted, starting to stand up. As he turned to move to the door, Yuri’s arms grasped tightly around his waist, “Don’t go.”

Ryosuke clenched his eyes shut, his expression pained, because it was just too much, he needed to think and get his head together, but Yuri was whimpering softly behind him, and Ryosuke turned slowly, pushing back on Yuri’s shoulders, trying to get him to let go, “I’ll be right out there.”

Yuri pulled him roughly, and Ryosuke’s knee hit the bed, his hand landing to the side of Yuri’s head, stopping himself from falling over on top of him, Yuri’s tone petulant, “No! Stay.”

Ryosuke had figured that he would either be a total brat when he was drunk or a weepy crybaby—and at this point, he wasn’t sure which he might prefer, and despite that, he couldn’t help but feel butterflies in his tummy at how close he was to him right now

“Please?” Yuri frowned, his eyes blinking as he tried to stay awake, his bottom lip jutting out, and there was a part of Ryosuke at war, wanting to just move the few inches forward and kiss him, his heart shaped lips so enticing, just do it, just get the whole sordid mess out in the open, but he’d never take advantage of Yuri like that, not when he was so vulnerable.

Yuri’s face crumpled, his words broken, “Please, stay with me.”

The words were soft and Ryosuke could tell he was working himself up into a frenzy, ready to burst into tears and he rolled his eyes, because of course, _naturally_ , Yuri was BOTH a brat and a crier.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Ryosuke whispered softly, “but you have to move over a bit, Yur.”

Yuri nodded, and he tried to move, but his body was clumsy, and he couldn’t really figure out how to move very well, but it didn’t really matter, because Ryosuke just slid in under the covers when there was enough room for him, his arms moving under his head as he laid there, intent on getting up the moment Yuri fell back to sleep.

That was the plan, until Ryosuke’s breath caught in his throat, his entire body frozen when without another word Yuri wrapped himself around him, curling his body against his. He immediately fell sound asleep, and Ryosuke could feel his heart pounding from the way his warmth was seeping from his small body onto his, and the way his arm was wrapped around his stomach, his fingers twisted up in his t-shirt, his face pressed against his neck, his soft breath tickling his skin there, and he could feel his heartbeat on his chest.

He leaned his head up to look at him, to try to memorize the picture, of his arm holding him him, one of his legs thrown across his own, like he was taking possession of him.

_I’ll be yours._

_Just ask me._

_I’ll be yours forever._

He drew his arms down, slowly, one of them wrapping around him to hold him there against him, the other trembling when he drew his fingers forward, brushing against his cheek, smiling when he snored softly in his sleep.

_He’s the most adorable human in existence._

_I love him._

_Say it. Just say it, one time, just say it to him._

_He’s sleeping. You can say it to him._

“God,” Ryosuke leaned up, the battle lost, a tear falling down his cheek as he pressed his lips to Yuri’s forehead, his hand gently stroking his cheek, “I love you, Chinen Yuri,” Ryosuke’s words were firm, spoken with conviction, as his eyes fluttered closed, laying his head back on his pillow, exhaustion spreading throughout all of his senses, “I will always love you.”

* * *

Yuri stretched, and then he jerked forward, his stomach lurching, and he stumbled as he flew off the bed, his leg caught in the sheet, and he didn’t know where he was, but then strong arms grabbed him around the waist and guided him to the bathroom, his eyes closed sharply at the stark bright light, and then the light was gone and there was just a soft glow, and then he was bent over, the contents of his stomach expelled violently.

He groaned, and then another wave hit him, and he dropped, his hands landing on the toilet seat as he retched again, and he realized that someone’s hand was touching his back, rubbing there softly.

“Take a breath,” Ryosuke’s voice was soft and Yuri felt soothed by his presence, realizing he’d helped him to the bathroom.

Ryosuke shifted forward, squatting down next to him as he reached over to run a soft, cool washcloth over his face, and Yuri hummed at the way it felt on his skin, his voice coarse and rough, “Whe—where’s my phone?”

“In the bedroom,” Ryosuke responded, tilting his head, “Why?”

“I need to dial 911. I’m dying.”

Ryosuke laughed then, covering his mouth so he wouldn’t be too loud, but it didn’t matter, Yuri still groaned at the noise and then shoved him causing him to lose his balance, landing sprawled out on the floor, not bothering to muffle his laughter which made Yuri slap his legs before he shifted forward, leaning over the toilet, worried he might be sick again.

Ryosuke moved next to him, his hand on his back, “You okay?”

The wave of nausea passed, and Yuri nodded, “For now,” he shifted, moving his legs out as he leaned against the cabinet, “I’m never drinking again.”

Ryosuke laughed, “That’s what they all say.”

“I mean it,” he reached up to hold his head, “It feels like my head is trying to explode, there’s no way it was worth it, I don’t even remember anything after you and Yuto talking about your feelings.”

Ryosuke’s eyes widened, his heart stopped, as he swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat, his mind fixated on the feelings that he’d discussed with Yuto the night before—the feelings he has for Yuri.

Yuri opened his eyes, shaking his head and then groaning, “I am glad that you two talked about all of that stuff from when we first debuted.”

_Oh, God…oh, God…thank you, thank you….thank you…_

“Yeah,” Ryosuke laughed nervously, “It’s good…really good.”

“You should talk about things before they weigh on you like that,” Yuri nodded his head, then frowned at how it made the room spin.

“I’m never letting you drink again,” Ryosuke teased, “Not if you’re going to be Dr. Phil the next morning.”

“Oh, shut up!” Yuri laughed lightly, reaching up to take Ryosuke’s hand as he offered to help him stand up. They walked into the bedroom, which gave Yuri pause as he glanced back at Ryosuke who was leaning against the doorway, pointing to the nightstand where Yuri had apparently been sleeping which held two glasses and some pills, “Drink half of the water, take those pills, then drink half of the juice. Do it slowly or it’ll make you sick again.”

Yuri looked over at him, “Alright, where are you going?”

“Shower,” Ryosuke glanced at the clock, then gestured behind him, “We’ve got two hours and I figure we need to go by your house to get your stuff, right?”

_He’s thought of everything._

_Of course, because he’s Ryosuke._

Yuri nodded, moving over to sit on the bed slowly as Ryosuke disappeared back into the bathroom to shower, taking in the drinks and pills and feeling like he was just about as well taken care of any guy could ever be all things considered.

He pulled the blanket up, wrapping it around his shoulders as he took a sip of the cool water. Trying to think about the night before, he couldn’t really find it in himself to be embarrassed, though he was sure he should be since he could have done or said anything.

_And I apparently slept in Yama-chan’s bed._

_We haven’t done that in years…like since we were sixteen, seventeen, or something…_

His heart stopped. The reason he’d insisted on them no longer sharing a bed coming to the forefront of his mind.

_Did I say anything? Do anything?_

_Oh my God. What if…what if…._

_Stop it._

_Nothing happened._

_I mean I read that thing about guys who are drunk…so yeah…nothing happened, and I probably didn’t say anything._

_No…surely not, since Yama-chan is acting normal, there’s no way._

He looked beside him, shifting to take in the bed, and he was positive that Ryosuke had slept there with him, the pillow beside his still holding the shape of someone’s head having been there—though he couldn’t make out any details in his blurry memories, which made him beyond frustrated.

In thinking over the night, all he really could come up with was a strong sense of contentment. Nothing else, not even really anything negative or worrisome, so he decided if he did anything stupid they would most certainly tell him, repeatedly, about them.

_God, there’s probably videos._

He groaned, not particularly looking forward to work now. Though, he felt a sense of happiness, sitting there feeling comfort and joy at being taken care of by Ryosuke.

_It’s almost is enough make me able to dream that he could really love me._

_Maybe not that kind of love, but his own kind, and that’s enough._

_It has to be enough._

_I’ll always be happy with him the way he is, friendship is happy._

_Yes, I’m happy with him as a friend._

_Well, happy…probably not the right description…maybe, just thankful is enough, isn’t it?_

He stared at the pillow next to him, rolling over and burying his face in it, inhaling deeply of the scent that was all Ryosuke, and smiling.

_It’s enough._

* * *


	5. [1.4] Death by Chinen (Ainoarika Video Filming, 2013–includes Yuto)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ainoarika Video Filming, 2013–includes Yuto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/3-death-by-chinen/)
> 
> * * *

Song Inspiration:

## 

## 

##  **December 18, 2013**

* * *

Ryosuke bolted up in bed, confused, rubbing his eyes, and then he realized his cellphone was buzzing on the nightstand. He reached over, his heart thrumming in his chest when he saw Yuri’s picture lighting up the screen.

“What’s wrong?” his didn’t try to temper the panic in his voice, his feet hitting the floor, ready to move, his breath caught in his throat when all he could hear was Yuri crying softly.

“Yuri!” he stood up, turning, his eyes darting around the room, trying to figure out where his wallet was, “What’s wrong, what’s going on?”

“I—I…something…happened….”

“What?” Ryosuke was rushing through the living room, grabbing his wallet off the kitchen counter, then his keys by the door, darting out the doorway to his car, “I’m on my way, are you okay? Are you hurt? Are you bleeding?”

“N-no…”

“Okay,” Ryosuke started the car, putting on his seatbelt and began driving toward Yuri’s house which was blessedly only about ten minutes from his, likely faster thanks to his concern and that there was no traffic on the roads at two in the morning, “I’m on my way, okay? What happened, Yur?”

“I…I didn’t think about it…and then they…and I thought…I just…it’s horrible,” Yuri wailed in the phone and all Ryosuke could imagine were the million tragic things that might have happened, his skin cold from sweat as he sped up.

“I’m almost there.”

“O-okay.”

When Ryosuke pulled into the driveway he tried to get out of the car, nearly choking himself on the seatbelt, cursing it as he disengaged and finally stepped out onto the driveway, moving quickly up the walk to the front door, knocking on it, “Yuri! It’s me!”

The door opened wide, and Yuri was standing there, his Cars pajamas loose, a knit cap on his head, and tears streaming down his face, “Yama-chan…I…I…”

Ryosuke stepped into the house when he burst into tears, pushing the door closed, and then pulling him into a hug, “I’m here, you’re okay, it’s okay, Yuri, shhh…calm down.”

Yuri just cried harder at the soft tone of Ryosuke’s voice, his arms moving up to hold him tightly around the chest, his arms locked behind him, and he felt Ryosuke sway softly, his hand gentle on his back as he rubbed up and down, trying to soothe him.

Ryosuke started to shuffle them into the living room, hoping to somehow figure out what was happening, his eyes flitting around the room frantically looking for clues but finding none, “Yuri, you gotta tell me what’s happening, please, I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

His hands released him, when he took a shuddering breath, pulling back out of his arms to stand in front of him, and Ryosuke wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a more pitiful Yuri and he’d seen this guy when he’d woken up from horrible nightmares, when he’d lost loved ones, or beloved pets, when he didn’t win at something he had his heart set on, but this…this was the worst of all of them, and he couldn’t begin to imagine what could have happened to cause him to be so broken.

He watched as Yuri’s hand trembled, reaching up to grab the knit hat that was wrapped around his head, and slowly he pulled it off, and Ryosuke blinked, his head tilting slightly, and then, when Yuri whimpered softly, his head falling down on his chest, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yuri…”

“Shut up! Don’t laugh! It’s the worst thing you could do!”

Ryosuke cleared his throat, trying to school his response, his voice, “I wasn’t laughing at you, I promise…I just…are you upset because of your haircut?”

“Upset?” Yuri cried out, throwing his hands up in the air, “Upset? No! I’m devastated! LOOK AT MY HAIR!”

His hands flew up into his hair, grabbing at the short ends of it and yanking upward making it spike out from his head, and Ryosuke tried, he really did try, but he couldn’t help it when he laughed again, which infuriated Yuri.

He growled, turning away from him and storming through the house, “Get out! I don’t want you here!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Ryosuke called out, still laughing, “I don’t understand, you look fine, what are you so upset about?”

“THIS!” Yuri turned before he could enter the hallway, pointing to his hair, “It’s a travesty and I don’t know how to fix it because we’re shooting the video in two days!!! TWO DAYS!!!”

The picture was starting to become clear for Ryosuke and as he looked at Yuri, standing there completely disheveled in his Cars pajamas, tears still wet on his face, yet completely irate about the condition of his hair, he admonished himself for the thought that spun through his mind that he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him look more adorable.

_Maybe on his birthday._

_Yeah, that’s true…his birthday._

Ryosuke moved across the room, Yuri’s bottom lip jutting out as he approached him, “I think your hair looks good.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Yuri hissed, his frown deepening.

“I don’t lie to you, Yuri, you know this,” Ryosuke stated plainly, “I don’t know what your problem is, it’s different, sure, but…I mean, it looks fine, you look really good.”

Yuri’s eyes snapped to his, “You don’t like me with short hair, you said that when we were filming ‘Ride with Me’ and they styled it with all of it pushed back and made it look short on the sides! You told me you didn’t like it!”

“I’m sure that’s not exactly what I said,” Ryosuke frowned, knowing precisely what he’d said, and that was pretty close to it, and he also knew why the words had blurted out but not really wanting to address it.

That entire shoot had been a challenge thanks to how absurdly gorgeous Yuri had looked in the white suit they’d put him in and then he had to dance some of the most engaging parts in front of him instead of behind—it just meant that he had to keep his head straight which put him in a solemn mood thanks to trying to keep his head in the game and do his job properly.

“You said, ‘I don’t know if I like it’ and then you left the room without another word!” Yuri snapped, reaching over to shove Ryosuke’s shoulder for emphasis.

_I did say that. I did…because he looked so much older, so much more mature, and I don’t want other people to see him the way I do. I don’t want anyone to see him as anything other than tiny Yuri—no one needs to see what I see._

_So selfish, so utterly selfish._

_I love him, it’s not selfish._

_I can’t even care, I don’t want to watch him fall in love with someone and die from the pain, I can’t imagine it._

“I…okay…I guess I did say that, but it’s not what I meant, I didn’t mean it like the way it sounded…”

“I don’t know how it could be misinterpreted,” Yuri stated firmly, “I didn’t misunderstand it.”

“You did, though, but…I mean…Yuri—I like you no matter _what_ you do with your hair,” Ryosuke felt like his throat had closed up at how clearly the statement had come out of his mouth, and a fear swelled up in him instantly that he’d just gone too far, but it was like Yuri didn’t take the meaning at all.

“That’s not what you said, and now look at me! I could have shaved my head and it would have been better than this horrifying mess!”

_You’d still be gorgeous._

Ryosuke grabbed Yuri’s shoulders, dragging him over to the couch and pushing him so he’d sit down, then he slid over the ottoman in front of him, plopping down on it and then forcing him to look into his eyes, “I like your hair, you look great, and you can wear your hair any way you want it! Besides, your hair grows so fast it will be back to your normal style in a month if you decide you don’t like this style! It’s okay to try new things!”

_Just…please, don’t let others see what I do._

_Please, don’t let others see what I see in you._

“But the video is the day after tomorrow,” Yuri shook his head, “I meant to just have it trimmed, but she asked me about trying something different and I don’t know, I just thought…I hadn’t done anything new in a while—but I didn’t know she meant _this!_ ”

“I think you look very good,” Ryosuke admitted, “I don’t mind it at all.”

“But…you like me with long hair,” Yuri whispered.

“And you like me with blonde hair, but I don’t leave it blonde all the time just because of that, right? It’s no different, is it?” Ryosuke couldn’t be bothered to dissect how weird this entire conversation was, he was too tired for that.

“Let me see,” Ryosuke leaned forward, pulling Yuri’s chin up, and then moving his hands through Yuri’s short hair, pulling and pushing and styling it and then leaning back to look at it, “Like I said, you look really good!”

_You always look really good._

Yuri stared at Ryosuke, looking for the lie in him and found none, “Really?”

“I promise,” Ryosuke smiled, “You look really good no matter how you wear your hair. This makes your eyes bright and shows off your cheeks, it makes you look a little older to be honest…not sure how I feel about that, but it does. I don’t mind it, you look great.”

“You really promise?”

‘Yes,” Ryosuke shifted, leaning forward, and despite meaning for it to feel more like he was making a sincere promise, the entire tone of the moment felt like something else, charged and electric with something between the two of him, yet he knew it was just wishful thinking.

Yuri held his breath as Ryosuke shifted forward toward him and in his mind, all he could think was how simple it would be to just close the distance between them, just let his feelings be known—but he knew that Ryosuke wasn’t thinking of him like that, pulling his lip between his teeth, biting it hard to keep from acting, feeling like the air was tingling against his skin.

Ryosuke’s eyes snapped to Yuri’s mouth where he drew his bottom lip inward, his top teeth biting into the plump, roundness, and he shifted, moving back before he did something he couldn’t take back, reaching up to ruffle Yuri’s hair, a playful gesture meant to dispel whatever strange aura was forming around them, standing up quickly and putting distance between the two of them.

Ryosuke stared at the floor between the two of them.

_I can’t keep doing this._

Yuri stared at the floor between the two of them.

_I can’t keep doing this._

* * *

## 

##  **December 19, 2013**

* * *

They’d been rehearsing the dance that for some reason management had decided, in all their infinite wisdom, it would make good sense to teach them the day before the actual video shoot for at least four hours. They were all exhausted and tired, but still excited because the dance was unique, and the costumes were gorgeous, and they were all very excited about the outcome…how amazing the video was bound to be as long as they could pull off the dance.

They were sprawled out across the practice room, drinking water and catching their breath. Ryosuke had backed up against one of the mirrored walls, drawing up his knees to rest his arms on them as he bowed his head down, tired from the late night before. Yuri had offered for him to just spend the night but to him, well, he couldn’t see how spending that kind of time together would make things any easier to deal with at this point.

He had no idea what he was going to do, but he needed a game plan because his feelings were slowly becoming nearly overwhelming. His mind drifted back, over and over again, to Yuri’s birthday, to that moment when he’d touched his lips to Yuri’s skin, when Yuri had curled around him, the way he felt, the way he smelled, the way he looked.

_Fuck. Stop it! You’re working._

He kept his head down, opening his eyes to stare at the gray floor, not looking up when he heard some of the guys talking, others moving, and the music started back up, someone moving in front of the mirror to practice the dance further.

It only took Ryosuke a moment to feel the connect, and he realized it was Yuri. He lifted his head, discovering him staring at the mirror with great concentration, pacing through his dance moves fluidly, the muscles of his abdomen stretching the tight white t-shirt he was wearing, the loose-fitting sweatpants falling down slightly as he moved, the tiniest sliver of skin showing between the two when he would raise his arms, and Ryosuke couldn’t stop the way he had to lick his lips, needing to feel some kind of sensation.

_Stop watching him, for the love of God._

He tried, he ordered himself in no uncertain terms to stop watching him, but he just couldn’t, his eyes fixated on his movements, on the way his hips moved, and then his body waved as he slid backward, and there was nothing more breathtaking in the world than when Yuri was dancing with confidence, watching him move his body in perfect precision with the music—clearly not needing any further practice, but determined to do this best.

The more Ryosuke watched the more convinced he became that the choreographers were actually trying to kill him between ‘Ride with Me’ and this…clearly there was a conspiracy of some sort because not only did they give Yuri a lot of really amazing dance moves, nearly all of them happened when he was in front of Ryosuke, not when he was in back.

_They’re definitely out to kill me._

_Death by Chinen._

_What a way to go, though…_

His head snapped to the side when someone bumped into him, having been so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t even notice Yuto approach. He watched as he slid down the glass to sit next to him, and when he turned his eyes to him he saw they were lit with amusement.

“If you keep staring at him like that, _everyone_ is going to know how you feel about him,” Yuto whispered, laughing softly as he turned to look up at Yuri.

“Shut up!” Ryosuke hissed, shoving Yuto with his shoulder.

Yuto laughed, shoving him back, and then wrapped his arm around his shoulder, “Why haven’t you talked to him?”

“It’s not the right time.”

“When _is_ the right time?”

“I don’t know,” Ryosuke admitted, sighing as he bent his head down.

“I’m no expert in things, so I mean, I can’t tell you what to do, but…Yama-chan…you need to figure out what the right time is…or…you may end up with no time at all.”

Ryosuke turned his head to look up at Yuto who was still looking at Yuri, his head slowly turning to look at Ryosuke, “I don’t want either of you to miss out on what could have been.”

Ryosuke nodded, looking back up at Chinen and part of him wanted to just scramble forward right then and there and wrap himself around his legs and beg him to love him. He knew it was impossible, but the need was so strong he had to clench his fists, turning to look at Yuto, his voice full of absolution, “I’m going to figure it out.”

Yuto studied him, and then nodded, “Good.”

* * *

## 

  
  


##  **December 20, 2013**

* * *

Yuri turned the corner, adjusting his tie, nearly slamming into Ryosuke, whose hands shot out to grab his arms to steady him.

“Yuri!” Ryosuke took a step back, and then his eyes moved across him, and Yuri felt like the look was so intimate, so telling, but then he admonished himself, because that was stupid.

Ryosuke couldn’t breath, his entire body frozen as he took in the way Yuri looked in the suit, the way his skin tone was contrasted so beautifully, the way the red brought out the soft blush that always seemed to be there, the way it fit him just so, and his hair–it really did look great, dark and styled with gentle spikes, a contrast to the swirling velvet material of the suit.

“I-I am due to record in a minute,” Yuri felt frustrated by the way he’d suddenly started sweating, his entire being wanting to just grab Ryosuke and hold him for some reason–speaking softly, not wanting to be dismissive, but knowing he couldn’t be late.

“Of course!” Ryosuke nodded, shifting to the side so that Yuri could pass, “We’ll catch up in a little bit.”

“Alright!” Yuri called out, moving down the hallway toward the auditorium, shaking his hands out trying to make the tingling feeling fade.

Ryosuke watched him walk away, his eyes bright with affection.

_I knew he’d look gorgeous in red._

* * *

Ryosuke was preparing to film the scene, the carnation in his shaking hands, he admitted to Yuto that he was really nervous, that he didn’t like these kinds of scenes. Yuto shut off the camera, moving quickly forward to get his attention. Ryosuke bent down when he gestured to him that he wanted to tell him something.

“You just need to find the right motivation, the right thought to focus your attention to,” Yuto whispered in his ear.

Ryosuke pulled back, his expression confused, and then his eyes widened when Yuto mouthed ‘Yuri’ to him.

He nodded, understanding, and then it was simple, of course that’s what he needed to do. As he walked up on the platform, the orchestra playing in the background he set his mind to think of Yuri, of how he might smile if he confessed, imagining what they might say, what they might do.

“He’s cute, huh?” Yuto asked, causing Yuri to jump, his eyes leaving the monitor to glance at Yuto.

“What?”

“Yama-chan,” Yuto nodded back at the screen, looking intently at it, knowing that Yuri was still staring at him, “He’s cute, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” Yuri agreed, his cheeks flushing red at being caught watching Ryosuke on the screen in the private area, blurting out nervously, “He’s always cute.”

It was Yuto’s turn to look at Yuri who was fixated on the screen again, “I wonder what he’s thinking about? Surely, he is thinking about someone special, don’t you think?”

Yuri’s hands shook at the thought, not able to hide the response to the idea he was thinking of someone else, and his eyes drifted to Yuto’s, a pain seeping out despite him trying to not show it.

“Y-you think so?” Yuri frowned, his eyes cutting back to the screen, praying internally that he wasn’t thinking of anyone at all.

“You should ask him who he’s thinking of, I think it would be interesting to know…”

“O-okay,” Yuri nodded, confused by the idea, not really understanding why Yuto didn’t just ask him himself if he wanted to know so badly.

_I can’t handle him telling me someone’s name._

_I’ll die right then and there._

Yuto smiled at Yuri, patting his back, “I’ll leave you to it.”

_I shouldn’t mess with them, but my goodness, they’re never going to confess without some help!_

  
  


Ryosuke jumped when Yuto touched his shoulder. He had found a corner where two techs had been watching the filming on personal monitors, now absent having been called to another part of the auditorium for a different job, and he’d become fascinated with watching Yuri film his part of the rap.

_He is so…so…hot._

There was no other word for it, he just was…somehow the attitude he was projecting, the way he was moving his body toward the camera, all of it—it just combined in a way that made him so hot it made Ryosuke practically tremble.

“Whatcha doing?” Yuto asked, leaning around Ryosuke to see the monitor, “Ah…I see.”

“What do you want, Yuto?” Ryosuke snapped, agitated at the interruption, refusing to stop watching the monitor, his eyes adamant that they would not be moved, “Don’t lecture me again, I know what you mean, I got it.”

“Actually, they sent me to find you because you have to film your rap part next,” Yuto laughed lightly, “But now that you mention it, I thi—”

Ryosuke turned, laughing, as he shoved Yuto out of the way. They walked down the hallway, a comfortable silence between the two, and Yuto discreetly turned on his camera. Filming when Ryosuke went through the doorway, walking down the aisle as Yuri was walking up, and there in that moment, Yuto’s breath caught, as they passed one another, their eyes connecting, and their hands reaching out, their fingers touching one another so quickly it was like it hadn’t even happened, but Yuto knew it did.

_Wait._

__What?_  
_

He stared, dumbfounded as Yuri brushed by him, turning to watch him walk down the hallway, disappearing into the room they’d just walked out of, realizing he was going to watch Ryosuke film his part.

_Okay, surely, they haven’t always been this way, and I have just been stupid and not seen it?_

_Just because of Yuri’s birthday?_

_Suddenly, I notice this? What?!_

Yuto clicked stop on the camera, and then clicked the buttons to replay what he’d just filmed, slowing it down, watching it carefully. His heart stopping in his chest when he saw the moment, as if a delicate dance that had been rehearsed many times to exacting perfection, their heads moved, so slightly, and then their eyes shifted, connecting, their hands gliding so smoothly through the space between them, their fingers brushing against one another’s, and then slowly they moved away from one another as one went to work, and the other went to watch.

_It’s like they don’t even know they’re doing it…like it’s so normal to them they don’t realize it._

Curious, Yuto moved into the auditorium, sitting in one of the seats, moving through the footage he’d taken that day, and then gasped when he saw a moment when they were practicing the dance in the back room.

When they’d finished, Yuri moved from between the others, like a magnet to Ryosuke, and Ryosuke smiled at him, his hand holding out the water bottle he’d just taken a drink from, and Yuri took it from him, drinking deeply. 

Ryosuke’s eyes remained fixed on him as he drank, then his fingers reached out, like a blur, and his hand stroked Yuri’s hip, as he shifted behind him, around him, his fingers moving across his back, and then tenderly squeezing the other side of Yuri’s hip as he moved past him. Yuri’s body swayed as he turned, his eyes following Ryosuke as he moved through the group, and then he smiled, and it was a smile that was so beautiful it was breathtaking.

_They don’t even know._

_Those two idiots don’t even see it themselves._

When Ryosuke moved back toward him, Yuri watched him, taking another drink before he held the bottle out to Ryosuke, who took it and tipped it up to drink the last of the water. Yuri stepped forward toward him, his hand drawing up to move a bit of hair off of Ryosuke’s forehead, a small gesture, but his hand moved, slowly through the hair behind his ear, brushing down his neck to his shoulder and then whispered across his skin to the hand that was holding the water bottle, taking it from his hand and telling him he’d throw it out.

_My God._

_They have no idea._

As he moved away, Ryosuke watched him walk, a grin on his face as his eyes moved with him, only looking away when one of the other members asked him a question.

“Damn,” Yuto muttered to himself.

_How long have they been like this and none of us noticed?_

_How long have they been like this and THEY haven’t even noticed?_

He hit play on another video, one he didn’t recognize and laughed when Yuri was talking quietly into the camera, speaking softly as he took video of Ryosuke on the couch, his eyes closed.

“Here we find in its natural habitat a wild Ryosuke, a strong, beautiful creature who makes the whole world shine brightly. Perhaps we’ll approach the wild Ryosuke and reveal some of his hidden talents to the world? Yes…yes…let’s…”

The camera jiggled as Yuri moved across the room, turning the view-finder around to look at it, making a silly face, and then making the ‘shh’ sign over his lips. He carefully placed the camera down on the chair and then gingerly attempted sit down next to Ryosuke without waking him up. 

He gave two thumbs up when Ryosuke seemed to continue to sleep despite him sitting down on the couch. He grinned at the camera, moving his hands in a way like someone on a game show might to showcase the prize others would win.

He’d just moved his arm again under Ryosuke’s face when he shifted, his eyes blinking slowly and then he tilted his head over, his eyes barely open, “Chii-chan….what’re you doing?”

“Nothing,” Yuri smiled brilliantly, “Nothing really…just…showing the rare, exotic, wild Ryosuke to the world.”

“I see,” Ryosuke laughed softly, tilting his head up to see the video camera there, “I’m sure the world is fascinated with my sleeping habits.”

“You’re the cutest when you sleep,” Yuri announced emphatically like there was no chance anyone would disagree.

“Okay,” Ryosuke laughed softly.

“Care to show them the side of you only those who see you in your natural environment have the honor of seeing?”

“Sure,” he murmured, catching on quickly to Yuri’s intention, leaning over nearly on top of him so their heads were very close together, “You do it and I’ll follow.”

Yuri made a face and Ryosuke instantly mimicked it, followed by another and Yuto burst out laughing because it was so absurd. It was like Ryosuke could predict what he was going to do before he did it. 

_This is totally getting sent in for the documentary!_

_Not the other stuff…but the faces…for sure._

_That’ll teach Yuri about filming with my camera._

Yuto watched as Ryosuke walked off the stage, his eyes cast to the floor and all he could think was how complicated his life was at this point.

_I want to help…I don’t know what to do._

That said, Yuto knew he’d be digging through all of his videos this weekend to see how long it had been and what he’d overlooked for so very, very long–his mind bent around the idea of figuring it out and doing his very best to help them in any way he could.


	6. [1.5] Together (Coming of Age Ceremony Evening aka “he stayed the night and never left” )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evening of the boys Coming of Age Ceremony, aka “he stayed the night and never left” (January 13, 2014)
> 
> Most of the images in the graphic are all from magazine scans from January 2014 =) The visual was beautiful to me! <3
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING AND LEAVING KUDOS AND COMMENTS AND OH MY GOLLY MAKING ME SMILE SO BIG!! THANK YOU THANK YOU!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/4-together-coming-of-age-2014/)
> 
> * * *

* * *

> Take time to realize  
>  That your warmth is  
>  Crashing down on me

It was like the entire world stopped spinning–and to Yuri, it felt as if he were still falling against gravity, holding his breath, waiting for the impact, the sudden slam into the Earth.

Ryosuke had stepped toward Yuri where he was standing.

Yuri had been looking out the window in the kitchen while drinking a glass of water, trying to clear his mind, to make all the myriad of conversations in his head stop, even if for only a moment,

_Today._

_Our coming of age._

His fingers ached to touch the tiny strip of paper in his pocket that he’d ripped off of the prayer before he’d tied it in place at the Temple. He wanted to pray again, to offer anything, everything he was for the chance, just once, one single moment of certainty–of absolution, he wanted to grab the paper and grab Ryosuke’s hands and make him pray for it, too. Somehow, to make them be in the same moment, in the same head space with each other and he knew, in his heart, he was positive they’d make sense of it.

_It would all fit right._

_We were made for each other._

_I can’t be wrong about this._

He wanted to tell Ryosuke about waking up this morning, going to the temple by himself, having spent weeks painstakingly creating the _perfect_ prayer, on the perfect paper, with the perfect words and writing and thoughts and meanings and left nothing to chance, nothing. He’d spent three hours, before dawn, praying, helpless, there in the silence of the temple with only his tears to keep him company. 

Seeking words, seeking methods–anything that would help him see to this very day.

_If he only knew._

_If he only saw me._

_I’m here._

He wanted to beg Ryosuke to see the truth–because he’d waited, and he’d convinced himself to wait all of this time, all of these years, by having a date, a clear, fixed point in time when he’d have an answer, one way or another–but now that he was here, now that they were living out the partial script he’d long been writing for them–he was positively terrified.

Then he’d felt it.

He’d felt Ryosuke, felt his eyes on him, felt him hovering there behind him, somehow radiating uncertainty, yet, there was a subtle power flowing through him that Yuri didn’t recognize, didn’t fully understand, and when he turned, there was a fire in his eyes that he’d never seen before, not in all of the experiences they’d shared together, not even once had he ever recognized something close to this fierce determination that was burning him from within.

> Take time to realize  
>  That I am on your side  
>  Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you?

Ryosuke shifted forward, and it was as if Yuri’s body had a mind of its own, gravitating toward Ryosuke on instinct, turning to face him, like it was moving to a melody that was yet unheard by his own ears but being composed as the steps played them out–and his eyes, they were frozen, locked with Ryosuke’s as he closed the distance between them, his voice a whisper, his name falling from his lips like the soft wind on mountaintops, “Yuri.”

> But I can’t spell it out for you  
>  No, it’s never gonna be that simple  
>  No, I can’t spell it out for you

Yuri couldn’t blink, couldn’t react, when Ryosuke’s hand reached up, gently taking the glass from his hand, sparks lingering as if they’d ignited across his skin when their fingers brushed against each other, Ryosuke’s eyes never breaking their gaze as he reached to set it down on the counter beside them, the soft sliding of the glass away from the edge the only noise apart from the pounding in Yuri’s head of his own heartbeat.

> If you just realize what I just realized  
>  Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’d never find another

Yuri’s breath caught in his throat, his eyes breaking away from Ryosuke’s, painfully, shifting over to look at his hand there on the counter where he’d reached out to steady himself from the overwhelming flood of emotions rushing through him, his legs feeling wobbly, acknowledging that it was indeed his hand, but blinking because it seemed impossible.

_Is this real?_

> Just realize what I just realized  
>  We’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other, now 

He whimpered, when the fingers resting on his hand squeezed his fingers gently, the sensation like a million whispers across his skin, his eyes snapping up to look at Ryosuke who hadn’t moved even a fraction of an inch, the resolution within him seeming to grow in intensity even as he watched, his form riveted to the same spot, in fact, it was hard to tell if Ryosuke was even breathing at this point.

> Take time to realize  
>  Oh, oh, I’m on your side  
>  Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you? 

“Ryosuke?” his name faded off, a million wonders, a billion whys, a trillion questions fighting for the breath to be spoken into existence, somehow begging him to acknowledge that the only person who could ever answer them, ever calm all of the always present emptiness, the only person who could ever give him what he needed was a single breath away–standing right in front of him.

> Take time to realize  
>  This all could pass you by  
>  Didn’t I tell you?

He watched as the onslaught of conflicting emotions rushed across Ryosuke’s face, and then his eyes snapped closed, clenched tightly shut, shaking his head, and to Yuri it looked like he was fighting a battle with his own inner demons–trying to subdue them, talk them down, slay them.

_Please._

He couldn’t be sure who was winning–and part of him wanted to grab Ryosuke, shake him, make him see the truth– _force him to see the truth_ –but that’s not how he wanted it, because in all of his dreams, in all of the many years of pining for him–it had to be his heart that molded to his shape, not coerced, never made to do anything other than merely fall.

_Please fall._

_Please, God, let him fall._

_Let me have this._

_I waited._

_Please._

> But I can’t spell it out for you  
>  No, it’s never gonna be that simple  
>  No, I can’t spell it out for you

He gasped, a shudder running through his frame, when Ryosuke’s eyes snapped open, and within seconds he felt his body being pushed backward, his back hitting the kitchen wall, and Ryosuke was pressing forward into him, his face so close to his he could feel his breath rushing across his lips, and Yuri’s head hit the wall, his eyes blinking rapidly, his heart thrumming wildly in his chest as he tried to make sense of what was happening–terrified this wasn’t what he wanted it to be–what he needed so desperately for it to be.

> If you just realize what I just realized  
>  Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another

Yuri struggled to breathe, tried to make sense of the world as it was suddenly spinning around him, and he tried to articulate it, tried to form words, needed to be sure, the question strange in his mouth, “Y-you…”

> Just realize what I just realized  
>  We’d never have to wonder if we missed out on each other, but 

“God!” Ryosuke’s voice was so loud, so abrupt, making Yuri flinch as his hand flew past him to slam into the wall beside his head with a crash, a unique incidence of loss of self-control, Ryosuke’s voice tainted with the pain of a man on fire, the words thick and heavy in the air between them, “Can you not see? See the truth? Yuri, please?”

> It’s not the same  
>  No, it’s never the same  
>  If you don’t feel it, too 

His head shifted down, resting on Yuri’s shoulder, his breath shuddering against his neck, and Yuri held completely still for a moment, trying to gather himself, his thoughts, and then suddenly he realized that was what was wrong with everything in his life now.

_Thinking too much._

_Worrying too much._

_Hyper analyzing things._

_Hyper analyzing EVERYTHING._

_I’m the thing standing in the way now._

_The prayer said “let me have this” and now…_

_I can have it._

_If I let myself._

_If I just will._

> If you meet me half way  
>  If you would meet me half way  
>  It could be the same for you 

_Be brave_

_Do it for him._

_He does everything for you._

_You can do this for him._

His hands lifted, shaking violently as he willed them to obey him, feeling like a man who was taking the first step on the moon. Moving forward into an unknown place, not just unknown or uncharted, but truly never experienced, never dreamed of, never even touched upon, and certainly, never entertained on any real level of understanding.

He bit his lip as he cursed his hands, for their lack of discipline, for the way they wanted to move away instead of forward, watching as if someone else was making them move in relief, as they came to rest on Ryosuke’s back, sighing softly as his fingers finally splayed outward as he held him, as he drew him closer still, pulling him into a hug, his eyes closing in satisfaction as he felt the shuddering breath and he heard the sound, the breaking, felt the hot tears fall on his neck as Ryosuke leaned into him, his body trembling as the emotions flooded through his being.

> If you just realize what I just realized  
>  Then we’d be perfect for each other and we’ll never find another  
>  Just realize what I just realized 

“I love you,” Yuri whispered, not understanding where the words came from, shocking himself at the bluntness of the statement, lacking buildup or eloquence in the delivery–rather, he didn’t even fully know how he’d even formed them to speak, but he didn’t have any regrets. He found his heart light at the sound of them in the air between the two of them–thankful that the words had clawed their way out of his throat, suddenly feeling more sure of this moment than anything else in the universe, he reiterated, the words coming so easily now, “ _I do_. I love you, Ryosuke.”

> We’d never have to wonder  
>  Just realize what I just realized  
>  If you just realize what I just realized 

“P-please, Y-Yuri…Do-don’t s-say it if–if it’s not t-true,” Ryosuke’s voice was soft, broken, sobbing, as he tried to breathe, tried to hold himself together, somehow convinced that the next word would be “but” or “except” or “although”, and he kept his face buried there against Yuri’s neck, refusing to look at him, hiding from him, from what he might find there, terrified he would never be able to take another breath if it was a lie or he was going to add to the statement something that would break everything beyond repair.

> Missed out on each other now

“I love you.”

Ryosuke’s hand shifted from where it was still touching the wall, moving slowly down until he touched Yuri’s shoulder, grabbing onto his shirt, fingers clenched, his knuckles white.

Yuri held him, his fingertips moving up to run through the edge of his hair, cradling his head against him, his voice tender with affection, “I love you with all my heart and soul.”

> Missed out on each other now

“ _I love you, Ryosuke._ ”

This time, Yuri didn’t move, didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink when Ryosuke jerked back from him, his eyes wide, his expression pained, his eyes searching for an answer, for a confirmation that the words were real, not just some illusion that his imagination had finally produced from his ongoing need for this exact reality.

> Realize, realize, realize, realize 

Yuri moved his hands, slowly, cautiously–as if he were afraid to startle Ryosuke out of this moment, not wanting him to shy away, but desperately _needing_ him to see the truth, to see him–he brought them up between the two of them, his fingers touching Ryosuke’s cheeks tenderly, marveling at how soft the skin was and then his eyes snapped to his, “I love you.”

The words were absolute.

There was no waver, there was no lie in them, and Ryosuke had no choice but to see the truth, as Yuri had done nothing but bare his very soul to him in that moment, every weakness, every shortcoming, every single moment of his life that had led to this single page in time, it was reflected there in his eyes, wanting Ryosuke to verify the truth, to believe him, to know, to truly and finally see.

“I have loved you for _so long_ ,” Ryosuke’s voice was shaking, a tear sliding slowly down his cheek, one of his hands moving, gripping Yuri’s wrist, squeezing it, taking a shuddering breath.

Yuri raised his other hand, grazing slowly across his cheek, smoothing away the tear as his lips curved into an understanding smile, blinking away his own tears, his fingers running across his jaw and behind his ear, his fingertips sliding through Ryosuke’s hair as he cupped his head, drawing him forward, and he saw it–in fact, he understood it, the fear, the concern, the uncertainty that tainted Ryosuke’s face.

This would change everything.

There would be no undoing it once it was done.

They wouldn’t be able to pretend.

They wouldn’t be able to go back to how things were.

This…this would make everything different.

It would change everything.

For good or bad. 

_Forever._

Still, in that moment, Yuri couldn’t bring himself to remotely care, not at all.

_I want this._

He was going to have it, even if there was hell to pay for it.

_I’ll pay it._

All of the worries, all of the fears, all of the unknowns, all messy and ugly as they ran chaotic through his mind–he saw the same thoughts in Ryosuke’s eyes, yet, he _knew_ , maybe even understood, he _had_ to know, had to be sure enough, had to be certain enough for both of them– _this can work_ –this could be it, they could do this, and they could find happiness, they could have this, it could be theirs.

_Me and you._

“It’s okay,” Yuri whispered, surprised when he felt a tear falling down his cheek, his eyes bright as he tried to make Ryosuke understand, “It’s…it is, it really is okay…”

He saw the hesitation, the way Ryosuke’s head shook ever so slightly, and he saw it before it happened, knew that Ryosuke was going to run, he saw it when he decided it–but he wouldn’t let him go, instead, he pulled harder, insistently on Ryosuke, his heart clenched, feeling like it was breaking under the understanding of all of the obstacles that were standing in between the few inches dividing them.

“Stop,” Yuri whispered, begging, “ _Please, stop_.”

He felt Ryosuke frozen there under his gaze, “You don’t have to do everything…you don’t have to do it all by yourself.”

Yuri tried to think of the words, tried to figure out how to make him understand–and somehow, he wanted to just scream it out loud–

_I SEE YOU._

_I KNOW YOU._

_I KNOW WHAT YOU THINK._

_I SEE HOW YOU HOLD EVERYTHING TOGETHER._

_I SEE HOW YOU STAND SOLID FOR THE REST OF US._

_I SEE WHAT YOU DO._

_I SEE THE SACRIFICES._

_I SEE WHAT YOU FEEL._

_I SEE YOU._

“ _I see you_ ,” Yuri said the words with such conviction, such power that Ryosuke trembled under the weight of them, “I know…I know…please, hear me.”

He wanted to fall to his knees and beg him, all of his worries and concerns and reasons why this was the worst idea falling away to the only remaining truth–he wanted to make this boy happy.

_It’s all I want._

“You don’t have to be alone,” Yuri murmured, his fingers twirling the ends of Ryosuke’s hair, then gripped his neck to make sure he wouldn’t be able to move away from him, “You don’t have to suffer, deny yourself, always be alone to be our Ace.”

He wanted to take it back, wanted to say he was sorry when he saw the way the words stabbed Ryosuke, almost as if he could see the wound open and gaping before him, the way it visibly shook him, and he nodded, understanding, and Yuri felt confidence flow through him, because this was true, _he knew it_ –bending his head, to force him to look into his eyes, the words more concrete now, “You don’t have to be alone. I don’t want you to be alone anymore. _I’m here_.”

_Please accept me._

_Please need me as much as I need you._

_Please._

Ryosuke tipped his head down, his body quivering as he struggled, and Yuri could feel it, he could feel the air between them charged with something new, something born out of all of the time that had led to this, directly into this moment, that they were both creating together, a new feeling, a new expression, and when Ryosuke lifted his head to look into his eyes again, he saw it–the crumbling, the slow fall into submission, into letting Yuri be sure enough for the both of them.

_I’ll show you._

_Every single day for all of my life._

“You _think_ too much,” Yuri whispered, grinning, watching Ryosuke’s shoulders loosen as he spoke the words he needed to hear, “You always think too much–take on all of the responsibility for everything all the time, but now, _you can stop_ , let me help you– _I’ll handle this_ , we’ll sort it, but…don’t run anymore…I’m here.”

Ryosuke’s body shook with a strained laugh, and he _wanted_ to run, he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t there–and he knew he couldn’t hide it–he was fully aware that Yuri could see it, that he wanted to run away like every single time they’d danced around the feelings that had been growing between them, his voice barely audible, “I’m so scared.”

“Don’t be, I love you, and…besides…” Yuri spoke with such confidence, such assurance, Ryosuke tilted his head, “ _It’s me_.”

It was as if those simple words were enough to make Ryosuke quiet the whirlwind in his mind, everything going silent within the former chaos, and he blinked, frozen, the only words that mattered, the only ones that meant anything in this moment floating through his mind.

_It’s always been you._

Yuri saw his resistance falter, watched the blossoming hope, recognized the play of emotions as Ryosuke realized, this was real, it was happening, and when Yuri pulled against him, attempting to draw him forward he held still, pushing back against his hand, yet, Yuri wasn’t worried, he wasn’t afraid, because he could see it in Ryosuke’s eyes– _the truth_.

“I’ve got you,” Yuri whispered, “I’ll take care of you, we’ll take care of each other now,” and this time, when he pulled against him, after a single breath, Ryosuke moved forward willingly, and when their lips met, they were so soft, so tender on his own, his eyes fluttering closed even though he really wanted to keep them open, and Ryosuke groaned, his fingers moving to grab Yuri’s head, pulling him toward him as he opened his mouth, his lips gliding across his own smoothly, everything in the world feeling quiet and peaceful, as the words Ryosuke couldn’t seem to say were made transparent through this kiss.

Yuri couldn’t help but think how absurdly _normal_ this was. 

That it was so stupidly _normal_ , soinsanely _easy_ , so utterly _natural_. 

He always thought that there was some skill involved, some knowing, some need to learn, but it felt so perfectly innate, so perfectly _perfect_ , as if the only purpose of his existence was to be in this very moment with Ryosuke.

Yuri sighed, breathless as Ryosuke took the lead as he’d _always_ known he would, guiding him, and making a complex situation so very simple–and Yuri knew, it was just as it was meant to be, perfection, and it was only that way because it was Ryosuke.

When the kiss deepened, the intimate slow dance drawing them together, everything about the movements lingering and purposeful, the give and take and the way the sensations seemed to captivate all of their senses, spreading like whispers fluttering, light touches brushing across awakened skin, their souls singing in perfect harmony. As the depth of feeling and emotions layered together, the two of them created the most beautiful moment in time, at the very start of all things they would remember about this day, about the truth of their confession. 

As Yuri felt Ryosuke pressing against him, drawing him closer, into him, sheltering him, felt his heart beating wildly in time with his own, his thoughts became lost in the nearly overwhelming feeling of love that was enveloping him, of the way the air around him felt somehow softer, that all of the concerns he’d ever had were completely lost in that moment–and in the most beautiful of ways, the two of them came to experience their first kiss just as they’d experienced a million other firsts in their lives.

_Together._

* * *


	7. [1.6] Real (Post Confession 24-hours)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Post Confession 24-hours)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/5-real-24-hrs-post-confession/)
> 
> * * *

##  ****

##  **January 13, 2014**

It was the kind of kiss you got lost in, the kind that was slow at the start, cautious, and then it gave way to layers of emotions, one building on the next, until somehow it was laced with a distinct intensity unmatched by other experiences in life. A flowing work in motion, tangled hands discovering the world anew–every motion trailing sparks along their skin, every caress seemingly imbued with an ancient magic that awakened every sense.

It seemed to them that everything within their reach was moving with a slow and purposeful grace, and yet, the world and all of the colors and sounds and forces that move nature to create scenes of beauty and destruction spun in the ether surrounding them–held back by the power of their confession–by the words that were spoken into life, into being, with tears and with laughter–imprinted upon their hearts in a permanent way, indelible and impossible to remove, yet, words that neither would be able to quote no matter how they tried as if the language they used was not one of their design, but instead, one of their very souls.

These words, delivered into the world with such emotion, such simple truthfulness–that instead of either of them capable of taking mental notes of what was said in detail–their souls seemed to greet one another, draping the words as a mantle around them, enveloping them in the soft, safe cocoon of feelings they were surrounded by.

_Acceptance._

_Hope._

_Joy._

_Desire._

_Protection._

_Need._

_Certainty._

_Absolution._

_Clarity._

_Passion._

…and more than any other, the one feeling that was like a new layer of skin across their bodies, across their souls, was the impossible to describe truth of such complete and breath-taking love.

_Unconditional._

_Unconditional in every way._

They knew each other, they knew the worst parts of one another–in fact, they knew it better than maybe anyone else on the planet, because they’d had just that kind of friendship. The kind where you could say the worst things, be the terrible person you took great care to hide from others, but revealed to that one you trusted, and the other accepted, waited it out, and didn’t ever try to change you, or make you feel badly for being so completely human.

They weren’t the idols with one another, no, not at all, they were the most ordinary humans to be found–yet, in this moment, as they gasped for breath, laughing lightly as they reluctantly broke their first kiss, drew each other into a powerful embrace–in this moment? They felt like gods–two ethereal beings who had somehow managed to form a completely new world with one broken moment of confession.

When Ryosuke drew back from Yuri’s arms, his face still wet with tears, his hands raising to hold his cheeks in his hand, Yuri’s hands snapped up to grab his wrists, his eyes twinkling in happiness as he smiled, “This really happened? This is real? You…you and…I…we’re…”

“This is _real_ ,” Ryosuke smiled, leaning forward, testing a soft kiss on Yuri’s lips–a different one than before–slow, and careful, drawing back, unable to contain his smile that seemed to radiate between them, “I–I can’t believe it.”

“Me either,” Yuri agreed, his eyes bouncing across Ryosuke’s face, trying to memorize it, trying to remember this for his whole life, this moment where they both stood with the days ahead of them stretched out like lovely pages of a book waiting for them to fill each blank space with all of their adventures, with the story of their life together.

Yuri’s eyes moved over Ryosuke’s shoulder to the counter where his phone had made a chiming sound, but Ryosuke didn’t move, instead, his fingers ran through Yuri’s hair, his eyes moving across his face, taking him in, trying to convince himself that it was all real.

When the phone chimed again, Yuri looked at Ryosuke, smiling, “Should you…”

“It’s Yuto,” Ryosuke grinned, shrugging.

“Yuto?” Yuri tilted his head.

“He…I guess it’s right to say he’d figured it all out,” Ryosuke answered, laughing as Yuri’s eyes widened.

“He figured it out?”

Ryosuke hummed softly, “Yes, and today before he left he told me that it was a now or never moment…he…he gave me a lot of courage, told me some stuff…” Ryosuke took a deep breath, the memory of the conversation playing through his mind, and he knew he would need to do something to make sure Yuto know how much his support meant tot him, he looked back up at Yuri, “Well, I mean he told me some stuff I really needed to hear–he’s the reason…well, I mean, without him–it might have been ten more years.”

“I see,” Yuri couldn’t help but laugh, gesturing to the phone again when it made a sound, “You should probably let him know…”

Ryosuke nodded, his hand on Yuri’s hip not moving as he twisted to grab his phone, sliding his thumb across it to unlock it as he turned back to face Yuri, his eyes bright with humor as he read the messages, turning the screen around to show Yuri.

> **Yutti-Patootie:** And then…..
> 
> **Yutti-Patootie:** Seriously…Yama-chan…did you do what I said?
> 
> **Yutti-Patootie:** Please tell me you did…please?

Yuri burst out laughing, grabbing the phone from Ryosuke, “Does he know you have him labeled as ‘ _Yutti-Patootie_ ’ in your phone?”

Ryosuke blinked, and then laughed because he wasn’t sure, “I don’t know, actually…” he shuffled to lean against the wall next to Yuri, “What…what do I say?”

Yuri turned to lean his shoulder on the wall, studying Ryosuke’s face, “The _truth_.”

Ryosuke nodded, humming, and then grinned, “We can at least mess with him first, can’t we?”

Yuri caught on instantly agreeing as they set up a picture to send to Yuto.

> **Yutti-Patootie:**

They laughed when the image loaded, and Ryosuke thought maybe he shouldn’t tease Yuto after all of the support he’d given him but he just couldn’t resist.

> **Yutti-Patootie:**

**Yutti-Patootie:** WAIT, WAIT!!!! Does this mean…I mean…like _did you_? Like did you tell him and he…did this happen? DID IT!?!?!

> **Yutti-Patootie:** OH MY GOD I AM SCREAMING HERE I AM DYING I AM LITERALLY DYING _DID YOU TWO ACTUALLY KISS_!? Like a real true kiss!? Is that what you are telling me?! IS IT WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME?
> 
> **Yutti-Patootie:** IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME!?
> 
> **Yutti-Patootie:** OH MY GOD PLEASE TELL ME! IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME!? 

Yuri burst out laughing, “Oh my gosh! He wants to know if we _kissed_ or not!”

Ryosuke laughed too, reaching over to touch Yuri’s cheek as he turned his head to look at him, “Yuto is okay, he’s known my feelings since your birthday…probably before that…but that’s when I knew he knew…” 

Yuri’s eyes widened at this news, glancing back at the phone, Ryosuke touched his shoulder, “You don’t have to worry, he’s not going to tell anyone.”

Yuri shoved him lightly, “That’s not what I’m worried about!”

“Then what?”

“It’s just…” Yuri shook his head, “It’s so _embarrassing!_ ”

> **Yutti-Patootie:** IF HE IS EMBARRASSED THEN IT IS TRUE IT IS TRUE ISN’T IT!?! IT IS TRUE OMG OMG OMG OMG

> **Yutti-Patootie:** I AM CRYING LIKE BAWLING MY EYES OUT OVER HERE AND I CAN NOT BELIEVE AND I AM JUST OMG OMG OMG 
> 
> **Yutti-Patootie:** Give me a minute, I need to process.
> 
> **Ryosuke:** lol okay, calm down–everything’s gonna be okay lol

Ryosuke laughed grabbing Yuri’s hand and dragged him out of the kitchen into the living room, pulling him down to sit next to him.

Yuri twisted to look at Ryosuke, tilting his head, “Does it still feel impossible to you?”

Ryosuke glanced from his phone up to Yuri, humming softly and then nodding, “It does.”

Yuri drew his legs up onto the couch, tucking them under him as he turned to face Ryosuke, his eyes were wide as he stared at Ryosuke who had no idea what he was doing. 

Yuri didn’t speak, just moved his hands up to touch Ryosuke’s hair, running his fingers through the soft strands, his fingernails sliding on his scalp softly, causing Ryosuke to close his eyes for a moment, humming quietly. When Yuri moved his hands to run his thumbs across his eye brows he opened his eyes again, studying him, but he wasn’t paying a bit of attention to Ryosuke, the entirety of his attention was focused on his fingers as they moved down his face to touch his ears, his fingers tracing the edges of them, and then moving forward to touch his cheeks.

His finger smoothed across the surface, and then he drew his thumbs down to touch his lips, softly and gently with great reverence, and then down his neck to his shoulders.

Ryosuke shuddered, hoping that Yuri wouldn’t notice, because the attention was more than he’d ever known in his life from anyone apart from his family, and this was _nothing_ like that. He could feel his heart thrumming wildly in his chest and he knew there was no way Yuri couldn’t feel it. Though, kindly, if he did, he didn’t comment, just ran his fingers across his shoulders, then grazed slowly down his arms, his fingertips squeezing softly as he memorized the way the muscles felt under his hands.

When he reached Ryosuke’s hands he picked one of them up, pulling it toward him, turning it over and back again, tracing the veins and then he looked down, placing the hand on his own hip.

He did the same with the other, and once he finished, his head bent forward, and somehow he seemed to curl up into a tiny ball as Ryosuke’s hands drew him closer still until he was sitting on his lap, as Yuri shifted to lay his head on Ryosuke’s chest, his ear pressed to his heart.

Ryosuke’s hand moved slowly up Yuri’s back, sliding through his hair as he held him there, and when Yuri hummed contentedly he felt his eyes flutter closed in satisfaction, leaning his head down to rest his cheek on Yuri’s hair.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that, somehow it felt like forever, and yet, it still wasn’t long enough, when Yuri shifted, rolling over onto his back, his legs stretching out behind him as he looked up at Ryosuke from his place on his lap.

Ryosuke reached down and stroked his cheek, smiling, “What did you decide?”

“It’s real,” Yuri grinned, turning his head to kiss Ryosuke’s palm quickly before he drew it to his chest, holding it tightly against his heart, “See?”

Ryosuke hummed, leaning forward, curling his body inward, pressing his lips against Yuri’s so softly, so gently, almost a whisper against his sensitive skin, and their eyes remained open, staring at one another, truly seeing one another, and then Yuri’s hands grabbed him, pulling him closer and Ryosuke let him, his arms wrapping around him to pull him up to hug him, squeezing him tightly, “I _do_ see.”

He drew back, holding Yuri up in his arms, and he was moments from kissing him again, maybe multiple times when his phone chimed. He rolled his eyes, “This is how it will be now, isn’t it?”

“Probably,” Yuri admitted, the message tone sounding again before he reached his hand to grab Ryosuke’s phone out of his back pocket and holding it up to him.

Ryosuke opened the phone and then turned it around so Yuri could see the messages.

> **Yutti-Patootie:**

> **Yutti-Patootie:** I really mean it, guys, I can’t even tell you, I am just really happy for you, and I know you know, but remind Chii-chan, he doesn’t need to worry about me telling anyone or anything, I swear
> 
> **Ryosuke:** He knows, thanks Yutti–I don’t think we’d be here if it were not for you
> 
> **Yutti-Patootie:** Shut up! Go do coupley type things together and have a good first day of officially being adults

Yuri shifted, grabbing the controller off the table beside them, quickly turning on the TV, “Can I pick the movie?”

“Absolutely not,” Ryosuke shook his head, trying to grab the remote from him, but he was entirely too fast.

“Why not?!” Yuri huffed, crossing his arms, his hand around the remote with a death grip.

“Because I know what you’re going to pick, you pick the same three movies, and they are all animated…”

“They’re classics…what do you have against that?”

Yuri stuffed the remote under his leg and then held his fist up on top of is flat hand, “We’ll play for it.”

Ryosuke sighed, part of him knowing he would lose, because he always loses janken, but at the same time, maybe since things seemed to be going his way, perhaps this would be the one time that he won.

It wasn’t.

Ryosuke found himself wide awake, his eyes fixated on Yuri who was currently sprawled out on the couch, his head resting on a pillow in his lap, his breath coming out in adorable little puffs as he slept. He’d made it about halfway through the movie before he’d grabbed a throw pillow and tossed it into Ryosuke’s lap, who watched wide-eyed as Yuri shifted quickly, twisting to lay down with his head on the pillow, his hands folded under his head between the pillow and Ryosuke’s leg, and without any words fell immediately to sleep.

Under ordinary circumstances, Ryosuke would be irritated since Yuri had won their janken battle, elated to pick a movie he knew that Ryosuke would never watch under ordinary circumstances—some animated film that Yuri adored. He had at least been somewhat distracted by watching Yuri’s reaction to the movie, but then when he’d made a huge display of yawning, Ryosuke didn’t take long to piece together what was going to happen next, and he’d been exactly right.

Still, even with Yuri asleep on the couch and the theme song to the movie playing over and over again, he just couldn’t be bothered. _Not tonight._ Maybe not ever again—because he had Yuri, he was right here, sleeping on his couch.

It wasn’t like he’d never seen Yuri do that before, and it also wasn’t like he did anything any different. He’d certainly slept in his lap a million times before tonight, but…somehow…this was like the first time he’d ever had the ability to fully see, to embrace every color in the spectrum. 

It felt like a night filled with all new experiences–all new moments–that despite having been seen and done a million times in the past, suddenly every moment held new meaning, new value, new memories, and Ryosuke was bent on relishing them one by one.

Ryosuke smiled when Yuri hummed in his sleep, his knees curling up toward his chest, and he wondered if he might be cold. He drew the throw blanket down off the back of the couch, trying to move as softly as he could to keep from waking Yuri, spreading the blanket out over his curled-up form, drawing it up to cover his shoulder and then biting his lip when his eyes landed on Yuri’s sleep filled ones looking up at him.

“I should go home,” Yuri mumbled, yet somehow his body seemed to curl into an even smaller ball as he drew the blanket up underneath his chin, as if burrowing closer to Ryosuke for warmth.

Ryosuke wanted to kiss him, again, but he settled for running his fingers through his hair, leaning over him to whisper, “We don’t have work tomorrow, you can just say _here_ …tonight.”

The word ‘forever’ had flashed in front of his eyes but he knew that it might be too much at this point to say such things–though, clearly his psyche wasn’t interested in what was too much or not—the floodgates had been opened and restraint was not in his subliminal mind’s vocabulary.

_Take your time._

_Calm down._

_We have a lifetime._

“Okay,” Yuri murmured, nestling into Ryosuke’s leg.

“Well,” Ryosuke smiled down at him, “We should go to bed though.”

“I’m already here,” Yuri spoke softly, lifting his head as if he were allowing Ryosuke to stand up.

“I thought…” Ryosuke watched as Yuri rolled his head, laying it back on his leg, blinking sleepily up at him.

“What?”

Ryosuke reached down to touch Yuri’s cheek, “You don’t have to sleep on the couch, that’s all. There’s room…if you…I mean, in my b-bed…there’s plenty of space…”

Yuri’s eyes widened a little bit for a moment, and then he sat up, swaying from his sleepiness, his voice cute and child-like, “I can sleep there?”

“Sure?” Ryosuke nodded, reaching over to hold his arm, afraid he was going to fall off the couch any second, then concerned he might have the wrong idea, “I mean, just to…sleep, I wouldn’t want to… _you know_ …just…”

“Shut up, I know that, dummy, and yes, I want to,” Yuri nodded, and then slowly, he laid back down on the couch again, his head back in Ryosuke’s lap, eyes fluttering closed.

“Yuri!” Ryosuke spoke softly, but firmly, and he blinked up at him, “Hmm?”

“Let’s go to bed then.”

“O-Okay…” the word drew out into a long, loud yawn.

Ryosuke smiled, nudging Yuri who furrowed his brows without opening his eyes, “You have to get up though.”

“I don’t _want_ to,” Yuri shook his head, frowning.

Ryosuke laughed, because this was so…so… _Yuri_ …and he knew that this was how he was once he’d fallen asleep, so he wiggled, shifting until he was able to move out from under him, standing up to look at him, “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…”

“I’m _always_ cute,” Yuri announced, his voice muffled from the blanket he’d drawn up to his face, curling up further.

“You are,” Ryosuke admitted, leaning over and pulling him up into his arms. Yuri rolled into him, one arm grabbing around his neck as he moved through the room to the hallway.

“Thank you, Ryosuke,” Yuri whispered, his breath soft on his cheek.

“For what?” Ryosuke couldn’t see his face to read what kind of tone he meant the words in.

“For loving me,” Yuri whispered, not releasing Ryosuke’s neck as he laid him down on the bed.

“You’re easy to love,” Ryosuke whispered, kissing him quickly and then forcing his arm down, moving his legs so he could draw the covers up to his chin, “Now, sleep.”

“You, too.”

“I will, don’t worry.”

Ryosuke watched as he fell back to sleep, only moments passing, and then he smiled, because not only was Yuri the cutest, he was now sleeping in his bed, not as another Jump member, not as just a friend, but as his boyfriend–as the boy he loves.

_My boyfriend._

The word ‘boyfriend’ seemed entirely too cliche, and altogether too simple of a word to encapsulate the entirety of their relationship, but he wasn’t sure what else to call him.

_Soulmate._

That would do, but he was positive the word would sound too much to anyone, particularly to Yuri, so he would only allow himself to think it moving forward, but not speak it…at least not yet.

_In good time._

It felt like a new world to him somehow, and he couldn’t help but smile the entire time while he took his shower and got dressed for bed.

_This is real._

_This has really happened._

He stopped at the door way to the bedroom, leaning against the edge, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting in his bedroom. As the form on his bed came into focus, he raised his hand, pressing it against his chest where his heart was suddenly thrumming wildly.

_This is real._

_He’s really there._

He kept his hand there, on his chest, rubbing lightly as he crossed the room, looking down at where Yuri was asleep, curled up into a small ball, taking up barely any room at all–yet, to Ryosuke it was impossible to imagine him not being there now that he was. It was as if nothing in the room had been complete until now.

He knew he was being too over the top with his emotions, too far gone, but he didn’t really care, couldn’t even make himself care–because he’d told the truth, and he’d discovered the truth, and in a world full of so much chaos, confusion, hatred, and evils–they’d somehow ended up with the same truth at the same time.

They really did love each other.

_He loves me._

_I love him_.

_It’s okay to be who we really are now._

_To be who we really are together._

He knew it would be a process to let go of all of the barriers they’d built up between them…and no doubt, they’d be having to talk through a lot of problems they’d face…but tonight?

Nothing mattered.

If he lost his job, all of the things he’d worked so hard for–now, in this moment when he knew that he could have this, could have Yuri–could have a life with him? Well, he’d give up everything to see to it. He didn’t think that would ever happen, they’d be careful, and surely there was a lot they needed to figure out and discuss on how to handle things with Jump and the public and things–but they had time to figure it out–they spent so much time together already, and were already so close, he sincerely doubted anyone would notice unless they were completely overt about it.

He couldn’t be bothered by any of it right now, not when he was looking down at Yuri, so sweet, so peaceful, so _right_. So perfectly right, laying there under his comforter, on his pillows, in his house, in what he suddenly wanted to be _their_ house.

_You have to calm down, you’re going to scare him to death._

He knew his intensity was too much, he knew it and was already trying to figure out how to not be so…much.

_I need to go at his pace…we can take our time…of course we can._

He really considered for a moment to go slowly, to go crawl into his side of the bed, to let him rest and let him be, but he just couldn’t…he had to shake off the edges that kept saying it wasn’t true, even with it clear before his very eyes, the nagging voice kept trying to convince him it was the by product of an overactive imagination and nothing more.

_It’s real._

_It has to be._

He toed off his slippers, and then quickly slid in behind Yuri, carefully moving toward him, and when Yuri stirred in his sleep, Ryosuke’s eyes were wide, his breath caught in his chest watching as he flipped over, his arm wrapping around Ryosuke as he burrowed into him, curling up into his embrace.

“Yuri?” he whispered his name softly, wondering if he actually knew what he was doing.

“Hmm?” Yuri responded sleepily, his eyes remaining closed, but his fingers tightened around his chest, proving he was awake.

“Is…Is this…is it okay?”

“Don’t be stupid, Yamada,” Yuri wiggled, adjusting and scooting closer, “I’m _too tired_ to kick your ass tonight.”

Ryosuke laughed softly, wrapping his arms around Yuri, holding him against his side, relishing the feeling of his breath on his neck, of the way he seemed to fit perfectly.

He’d hugged him countless times, he’d held him when he’d had nightmares, or times when he had his feelings hurt, or times when he missed his Mom–he’d always been there, and this wasn’t very different at first glance from those times–but he knew, and somehow he felt sure that Yuri knew too– _everything_ was different.

His hand wasn’t on his chest as a mere place to lay his hand–rather, to him it seemed as if it were placed there with the purpose of touching his heart. His arms weren’t just wrapped around Yuri with the expression of comfort–but now, through his touch he hoped to convey the plethora of emotions that rolled through him.

The strongest emotion at the moment being sheer contentment. This is where he belonged, held close by Yuri, and this is where Yuri perfectly fit–within his own arms.

Everything was just as it should be.

He didn’t know when he’d fallen asleep, but he bolted awake, looking to the side, the nightlight casting shadows onto Yuri’s form beside him, sitting up, his arms wrapped around his knees, shaking as he cried. Ryosuke reached over to touch his back, but he flinched, so Ryosuke drew his hand back, whispering, “Yuri?”

When Yuri turned, Ryosuke thought his heart would break, because he didn’t know how long he’d been crying but his eyes were swollen and his face was puffy from the tears, “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Yuri shook his head, another wave of tears falling as he scooted closer, letting Ryosuke wrap his arms around him, which at least comforted Ryosuke, even if he didn’t understand what was happening, “I’ve got you.”

For whatever reason, this made Yuri cry harder, his body trembling, and Ryosuke didn’t know how to help him, “Just…breathe, okay? I’m here…”

Minutes passed, the only sound from Yuri’s sniffles and sighs, and Ryosuke just continued to console him, to hold him and make sure he knew he was there, “I’ve got you–you’re okay, I’m here.”

After what felt like years to Ryosuke, finally, Yuri spoke, his voice hoarse and rough from crying, “I had a d-dream,” he took a shuddering breath, and Ryosuke tightened his hold on him as he trembled, “I-I th-thought that…that…that it wasn’t real.”

Ryosuke was confused, speaking softly, “What wasn’t real?”

“ _This_ ,” Yuri whispered, patting Ryosuke’s chest softly.

Ryosuke understood instantly, “ _Oh, Yuri_ …I’m sorry,” he pulled his head to his chest, holding him there against him, tilting his head down to kiss the top of his head, “I’m here, this…it’s real…trust me, now that I know how you feel, it will be hell to get rid of me.”

He smiled when Yuri laughed softly, tilting his head up, and Ryosuke’s heart clenched as he took in his tear stained face, never wanting to see this kind of sadness from him, but when he smiled, a small sweet grin, he knew everything would be okay, his voice shaking, “You promise?”

“I promise,” Ryosuke leaned his head forward, tapping his nose against Yuri’s, “I’m not going anywhere, ever.”

“O-okay,” Yuri’s body shuddered as he tried to get a good breath, leaning his head against Ryosuke’s chest, his fingers trailing up and down the arm in front of him, “I…I don’t want to be like that…scared…I don’t want to be.”

“Then _don’t_ be,” Ryosuke said the words firmly, careful to not sound angry or upset, but he wanted, no, he needed Yuri to understand, “There’s plenty of things to worry about, but…me not being here? This not being real…that’s…well, I mean that just isn’t one of them.”

Yuri looked at him then, his eyes wide and unblinking, “Is it okay to… _just be sure_?”

Ryosuke tilted his head, not clear on what he meant at all, but the question vanished when Yuri tilted forward, closing the distance between them, his lips pressing against Ryosuke’s tenderly.

Ryosuke’s hand moved through Yuri’s hair, pulling him closer, humming softly against his lips as he let him take the lead, let him discover what he needed to–because Ryosuke had his own way of confirming this was reality and not a dream, and he knew that Yuri would need to figure out his own methods.

This was, after all, not a bad method, not at all.

The kiss made his toes curl in delight, and he wanted to push Yuri back and take over, but he knew he shouldn’t–he already knew this would be a challenge–to be patient, to not rush through all of the stages of a relationship just because they’d known each other so long–waited so long–but he wanted to savor this, the early moments, the build up, the slow growing into something more–and in his heart he knew that Yuri would too.

So when Yuri drew back, he let him, he didn’t stop him, even though the kiss ending was the last thing he wanted to happen–he let it, because he wanted to remember this, not have a blur of one season into another…but to experience every moment in exclusion.

Yuri’s smile was one of the most precious sights he’d ever seen in all of his life, as he ducked his head, seemingly bashful after the kiss that he’d initiated, and Ryosuke wanted to tease him but stopped himself, instead, he gestured to Yuri’s clothes, “You might sleep better if you put on some pajamas–I didn’t…I mean I wasn’t going to make you do it before, but now that you’re awake?”

Yuri nodded, and Ryosuke moved quickly to his dresser, pulling out a pajama set and handing it to Yuri. Very few things made the fact that they were really in this together real than when Yuri shuffled quickly to the bathroom to change. The stark contrast with the way things would have been done before the confession earlier–it was interesting to Ryosuke to consider that suddenly they were somehow shy with each other–despite having been together and experienced so many life changing events with one another–they were still so innocent and naive about being in a relationship, and he was glad for it.

Glad that they were not seasoned, so thankful they’d be figuring it all out together.

When Yuri stepped out of the bathroom, the pajamas a little too big for him, Ryosuke smiled, because he looked absolutely adorable, and all he wanted to do was hug, and kiss, and cuddle him, “Seeing you look so cute in your pajamas reminds me of why I fell in love with you.”

“Is that right?” Yuri glanced down to look at himself, “Wait til you see me in my Disney pajamas then–you’re going to lose your mind.”

Ryosuke laughed, and a vision flashed in front of his eyes, one where he saw himself standing up and closing the distance between them, sweeping Yuri into his arms and pulling him into a fierce kiss, but he shook his head, dismissing the vision.

_There’s time for that, tonight…sleep._

He reached his arm over, patting the pillow beside him for Yuri to lay down.

Yuri scoffed, his eyes twinkling in the low light, and then darted across the room, bouncing on the bed, shuffling on his knees across the space between them, and then promptly laid down directly beside Ryosuke, grabbing and lifting his arm to wrap around him, then laid his head on his chest.

Ryosuke laughed, the bed shaking under them from his humor, and Yuri sat up, his expression clearly daring Ryosuke to deny him what he wanted,“Don’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t going to,” Ryosuke feigned innocence, lifting both hands in the air in a gesture of defeat.

“Good,” Yuri nodded, laying his head back down, “That’s what I thought.”

Ryosuke ran his hand across his back, then hugged him against him, smiling when Yuri snuggled into him, “I love you, Yuri.”

Yuri lifted his head to look at Ryosuke, smiling, “I love you,” he leaned forward in expectation, and Ryosuke tilted his head up from the pillow, kissing him gently, then laid his head back down, his finger tapping Yuri’s nose, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Yuri wiggled to get impossibly closer to him, and then nestled his head back down, and as Ryosuke had always envied, he seemed to fall directly to sleep.

##  **January 14, 2014**

Ryosuke didn’t know how much time had passed since he’d awakened, as he’d tried to be as still as he could be, lost in the soft sleeping noises that Yuri was making, lost in his thoughts, about how the sun seemed a little brighter coming in through the window this morning–how the birds outside seemed to sing with a little bit more joy, and all he could conclude was this was what true happiness felt like.

He thought, in truth, he’d always been happy–and he knew, he could acknowledge that he _was_ happy before yesterday–but at the same time he couldn’t help but admit–it was pale…like there was a gray filter over everything–then suddenly, thanks to yesterday–everything was in bright, vibrant technicolor, and he couldn’t believe he was so blessed.

He smiled when he felt Yuri shift, watching as he rolled sideways, his body stretching out like a small kitten as he yawned loudly, then he sat up quickly, blinking, and turning instantly to look at Ryosuke, his eyes wide, “Oh, thank God…”

“I’m still here,” Ryosuke mused, glad he’d stayed, because he thought maybe Yuri would wake up freaking out after the dream he’d had, relieved that he followed his instincts, smiling, “I love you.”

Yuri smiled, shifting to lay back down next to him, his hand moving to pull Ryosuke’s face toward him, “I love you, I wonder if we’ll ever get tired of saying it out loud?” 

He didn’t give him a chance to answer, pressing forward and kissing him quickly and then beaming a wide smile, “Good morning!”

“Good morning,” Ryosuke grinned, “I would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm and I didn’t want to wake you.”

Yuri scoffed, “Well, what are you waiting for now?”

Ryosuke laughed, playfully shoving him away as he threw his legs over the side of bed, shuffling his feet to find his slippers, looking down when Yuri’s arms wrapped around his waist, tugging on him, “It’s too cold! Come back!”

He twisted looking back at Yuri who was blinking innocently behind him, “Please?”

“I thought you wanted _breakfast_ ,” Ryosuke tilted his head, blinking slowly, falling more in love with the little monster every second, trying hard to not laugh.

“I do, but _first_ I want you to hug me,” Yuri widened his eyes, his bottom lip pursing forward into the perfect pout.

“You’re seriously going to have your way with me constantly, aren’t you?” Ryosuke tried to hide his smile as he shifted to lay back down.

“Most definitely,” Yuri teased, knowing full well that Ryosuke was just messing with him, _mostly_ , “You better get used to doing what I want.”

Ryosuke wrapped his arms around him, holding him tenderly as he pressed a kiss to his forehead, “I’m pretty sure I’ve been doing that since the first day we met.”

Yuri blinked, his smile full of mischief, “ _Maybe_ , but I have an _entirely new_ set of demands now.”

  



	8. [1.7] It’s Always Been You  (drabbles based on dialogue prompts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine's Day Drabbles based on dialogue prompts that I added to the story! Just some fluffy filler goodies! <3
> 
> “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”  
> “Yes, I watch you sleep. No, not in a weird way!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there! 
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/6-7-its-always-been-you/)
> 
> * * *

* * *

##  _2\. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”_

“I swear! I’m going to kill you if you don’t knock it off,” Yuri thundered, his eyes moving from the game he was playing to glare at Ryosuke, his entire demeanor dark.

“At least you’d notice me if you were going to kill me,” Ryosuke frowned, crossing his arms as he flopped back onto the couch.

“You’re stupid,” Yuri shook his head, looking back to his game as he resumed playing.

His eyes darted to the side where Ryosuke’s toe was nudging his knee at random intervals. It could be he might be able to handle it if he were doing it at some kind of steady pace, some rhythm, but it was like he was purposefully being haphazard.

Yuri sighed, his hand snapping out to grab Ryosuke’s ankle, stilling his foot, “Would you _please_ find something to do?”

“Nope,” Ryosuke said flatly, “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

Yuri pressed the pause button with a huff, reaching out to sit his game controller on the table, turning to look at Ryosuke who was pouting dramatically, “Are you okay?”

“I have no idea what you mean?” Ryosuke shrugged, “I just…” he faded, his eyes moving to the floor, his head tilting down, his voice a whisper, “I just want you to pay attention to me.”

“Since when?” Yuri wondered, twisting further to look at him.

“What does that mean?” Ryosuke narrowed his eyes.

“I’m the needy one, not you,” Yuri admitted, his eyebrows raising in a challenge, “We can’t _both_ be the needy one.”

“First of all,” Ryosuke moved so quickly that Yuri was pulled back onto the couch enclosed in Ryosuke’s arms before he understood what was happening, Ryosuke’s nose touching his own as he held him, “We’ve been a couple for like…I don’t even know…fifteen minutes.”

“Two weeks,” Yuri corrected, shaking his head, “It’s been fifteen days since our coming of age ceremony. We’ve had nine days off in a row thanks to the post-holiday reward schedule. We’ve eaten 38 meals together, and you’ve kissed me eighteen times.”

Ryosuke blinked, his mouth open in shock, “Do you…keep a record of our kisses?”

Yuri shrugged, “No, not a record really…it’s just…so far they’ve all been very memorable–so…I mean…is that weird?”

“No, I mean it’s no–”

“It’s weird, it’s okay for it to be weird,” Yuri cut him off quickly, shaking his head, “I mean…I just thought about it for so long, and now it’s hard to imagine that I’m allowed to kiss you anytime I want to.”

“Well,” Ryosuke began to correct him, but Yuri stopped him, “I mean when we’re alone, of course.”

Ryosuke hummed in agreement, and then smiled when Yuri wiggled closer, his hand reaching up to cup his cheek as he leaned forward, kissing him softly.

Ryosuke let him end the kiss, and then laughed, “Did that one make the count?”

Yuri blinked and then laughed, “I kissed you, I don’t count those.”

“Why not?” Ryosuke asked, genuinely confused.

“They’re different,” Yuri tilted his head, trying to find the words to explain, but before he could speak, Ryosuke had leaned forward, his fingers grabbing the collar of his button up shirt as he closed the distance between them.

Yuri’s eyes fluttered closed, his stomach clenching in anticipation, and when Ryosuke’s lips touched his, it was like magic–the same as every single time and he wondered if he would ever get used to it. If it would ever be so normal that he would no longer feel breathless each moment.

His thoughts stopped, when Ryosuke’s lips pulled gently at his own, his mouth opening, as smooth, soft skin teased gently, and then his teeth nibbled softly on his bottom lip. His hand moved up, fingers grazing across Ryosuke’s cheek as he shifted to entwine his fingers through the curls at the base of his neck, pulling him forward further. 

He relished the noise, the low, deep sound when the kiss deepened, fluttering touches, still shy, not completely seasoned just yet, and still figuring out how to do this kissing–but the practice was the best kind of sweet lessons, and one that he’d gladly submit himself to every day without complaint.

When Ryosuke pulled back, his lips still touching Yuri’s, their quick breath mixing together, his eyes twinkled, “Did that one count?”

Yuri laughed softly, “I might have to count it twice.”

Ryosuke laughed then too, kissing him quickly and then pulling him into his arms, holding his head on his chest, “You know…” Ryosuke drew his fingers through his hair, loving the soft texture, “Maybe we both are needy–which isn’t an issue, so long as we aren’t _both_ needy at the same time.”

Yuri tilted his head up to look at Ryosuke, his expression softened, his fingertips moving up to touch Ryosuke’s cheek, “Wouldn’t that be okay, too?”

“What?” Ryosuke tilted his head, not getting his meaning.

“If we were _both needy at the same time_?”

Yuri had to laugh at the way the red flowed up Ryosuke’s cheeks and then tinged his ears red, shaking his head, “Shut up, that’s not what I meant.”

Ryosuke looked away in his embarrassment, attempting to stand up, “Play your game, you dummy, I’ll go make some lunch.”

“I don’t want to,” Yuri murmured, reaching his arm around Ryosuke’s waist to hold him against him, “Just…maybe I was wrong.”

“Wrong about what?” Ryosuke asked, eyes wide as he melted back into Yuri’s arms.

“I don’t mind it,” Yuri looked bashful, “I don’t mind if you need my attention, too.”

Ryosuke studied him for a moment, then smiled, “I’ve always needed your attention…you’ve just…never been around me so much.”

Yuri hummed softly, he eyes darting away, feeling too small under Ryosuke’s observation, “I can go home tonight.”

He gasped when Ryosuke’s hand shot forward, grabbing his chin none too gently, forcing him to look up at him, his tone fierce, “That’s not what I meant.”

Yuri didn’t want to get this wrong, so he waited, thinking it through, and then he pushed Ryosuke’s hand away, looking down, “I don’t know how to know if that’s true or not.”

“What do you mean?” Ryosuke whispered.

“I know you but this…it’s all different right?” Yuri looked up at him, “I think…now suddenly I am worried that you are going to…I don’t know…I guess…get tired of me?” 

Ryosuke shook his head, drawing in a breath to speak, but Yuri rushed forward, “I mean, you didn’t _ask_ me to stay, I just…I just didn’t want to leave, and then one night was another night was another night…and I just…I didn’t mean to assume you wanted me here…it’s just I was thinking tha–”

“Yuri,” Ryosuke’s voice was firm, cutting him off, “Just shut up for a second…” he watched as Yuri bit his lip, shaking his head, and then he leaned down to make sure Yuri could see his face, “Will you stay here with me?”

Yuri blinked, “Wh–”

“I want you to stay here with me,” Ryosuke confirmed, “I want you to be here, I don’t want you to go home.”

“I mean,” Yuri grinned, “I can stay for a little longer.”

“No,” Ryosuke shook his head, “That won’t do.”

“Won’t…do…” Yuri’s breath was caught in his throat and he didn’t want to fill in the blanks, he didn’t want to think this meant more than it really did.

“I want this to be _home_.”

“Home,” Yuri repeated, his eyes wide.

Ryosuke hummed, his smile curling on the edges as his mind filtered through all the days ahead, “Yes, I want this to be your home, too. _Our_ home.”

“Really?” Yuri blinked rapidly, “Are you serious?”

“I’m selfish,” Ryosuke’s eyes held his fast, “I want you with me…I spent all of these years just wishing and dreaming, now I can’t imagine you not being here to say stupid stuff when I am reading with my glasses on or when I die in my game, or whatever…I just… I want…”

“I want that,” Yuri spoke quickly, his fingers grabbing onto Ryosuke’s shirt, as if he were terrified he was going to leave and the spell would be somehow broken, his insecurities flaring up suddenly, “If you’re sure…I mean, I need you to be sure, Ryo.”

He didn’t think he could handle being asked to leave after he’d been allowed to stay.

“I’m sure, more sure than anything,” Ryosuke affirmed without hesitation.

“This means I can kiss you everyday,” Yuri smiled, “You won’t be able to get away from it.”

“I’ll somehow survive the torture,” Ryosuke grinned, thinking he was so fortunate, so blessed to have this boy in his arms, as he ran his fingers across his cheek, “Yuri, listen,” his voice was laced with emotion, “It’s just…the reason I didn’t say anything, I just… _I wanted you to stay_ …I didn’t know how to ask…but…if you’ll stay, we can keep your apartment, of course–so that if anyone asks–you still have it…I don’t…I mean we have a lot to figure out…”

He faded off, his expression becoming clouded, and Yuri shifted up quickly, to draw him into his embrace, “It’s okay, we’ll figure it out–me and you–we’ll figure it out together, okay?”

Ryosuke’s arms held him tightly, burrowing his face into his neck, nodding, his voice a whisper, “Okay.”

##  _1\. “Yes, I watch you sleep. No, not in a weird way!”_

The sun was bright, causing Ryosuke to blink rapidly, throwing his arm across his face to block the light, groaning, and then turning his head, eyes popping open when he heard the soft laughter next to him, his voice hoarse from sleep, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Yuri shrugged, trying to look innocent, “Just sitting here.”

Ryosuke yawned loudly, his hand batting to the side of the bed to try to grab his cellphone, grunting his displeasure as he squinted to see the time, his eyes moving to look back at Yuri, surprised, “You let me sleep until eleven?”

“You were tired,” Yuri murmured, “You needed sleep,” he whispered, reaching over to take the phone out of his hand to toss it on the other side of the bed as he shifted, scooching into Ryosuke’s arms as he forced them open, “Hug me.”

Ryosuke scoffed at the demand, but his arms wrapped around him, none the less, his smile growing as Yuri burrowed his face into his neck, unable to even pretend to be aggravated, humming in contentment, “How long have you been up?”

“Since eight,” Yuri whispered, snaking his arm under Ryosuke’s to rub his back, “I was waiting for you to wake up.”

“Wai…what were you doing?”

“Waiting?” Yuri’s voice sounded confused by the question, and Ryosuke laughed lightly over his head.

“Right,” Ryosuke nodded, “I understand, but what did you do for all these hours? Did you just come back to the bed when I woke up?”

“No…” Yuri hedged, “I stayed here, since I didn’t want to miss you waking up.”

“Ah,” Ryosuke tilted his head down, wishing he could see Yuri’s face but all he could make out were that his eyes were closed, his breath hot on his skin, “were you playing a gam–”

“I was just watching you, okay? Yes,” Yuri’s voice was defensive, huffing before he spoke again, “I watch you when you sleep.”

“That’s…I mean…”

“Shut up!” Yuri barked, pulling back so he could look up at Ryosuke, “It’s not in a weird way–it’s just…It sounds stupid,” Yuri sighed softly, “but it’s just…it’s calming and soothing to me, and it makes everything seem very simple. You’re so peaceful, and I like to watch you and imagine what you’re dreaming about, that’s all…”

“You could just _ask me_ ,” Ryosuke murmured leaning his head down to kiss Yuri’s forehead softly.

“What?”

“It’s you,” Ryosuke pressed his forehead against Yuri’s forcing his head back so he could look into his eyes.

He saw the confusion on Yuri’s face, smiling broadly before he leaned forward, pressing his lips against his, drawing back despite the whine he issued, his voice soft as he admitted, “The dreams…it’s always been you.”

Yuri grinned, leaning up as he pursed his lips, Ryosuke closing the distance between them all too gladly, his hands moving down his back, and then suddenly Yuri tried to jerk backward, his hand flying out in an attempt to push Ryosuke away but it was far too late, as Ryosuke had his cellphone in his hand, his eyes bright with mischief, “How many pictures did you take?”

“I swear, Yamada–give it back to me right now!” Yuri pushed against Ryosuke’s back as he rolled away from him, his hands scrambling around him trying to get the phone from him. 

He was no match for a well rested Ryosuke, who just pushed his hand into the middle of his chest, holding him back easily as he unlocked the phone and hit the gallery button, his smile widening as he counted how many new pictures Yuri had taken.

“Almost thirty,” Ryosuke grinned over his shoulder at Yuri who had given up, crossing is legs and arms and pouting, “It might be a new record.”

“I hate you,” Yuri frowned, his eyes narrowed at Ryosuke.

“You _don’t_ ,” Ryosuke whispered, smiling, his voice teasing, “after all, the pictures on your phone prove otherwise.”

“Shut up,” Yuri hissed, holding his hand out for the phone, his eyes widening when Ryosuke reached over to set it on his nightstand and then moved quickly to tackle him, a squeal filling the room as Ryosuke pushed him backward, causing him to sprawl out on the bed while Ryosuke straddled him, leaning over him with one of his most devious smiles.

“Take it back,” Ryosuke warned.

“Or what?” Yuri put his hands under his head, looking entirely too relaxed given the fact that Ryosuke had the upper hand since the moment he opened his eyes.

Ryosuke drew back, tilting his head, not actually having imagined Yuri calling his bluff, “I’ll…I’ll…ah…”

“That’s what I thought,” Yuri smiled, his arm moving slowly to reach up to grab Ryosuke’s t-shirt, tugging on it to draw him forward.

Ryosuke slapped at his hand, “You’re gonna mess my shirt up!”

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Yuri smiled, and whatever Ryosuke saw in his eyes, he forgot about the shirt, forgot about everything else apart from the promises they held–ensuring far more than a new shirt.


	9. [1.8] You're The Monster (November 2014)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> November 12-15, 2014, Filming Ryosuke's guest appearance as Zekki in Jigoku Sensei Nube & the results of being on set with Yuri) (NSFW)
> 
> *this part is gif heavy because I am extra and made gifs to match the story haha Sorry if they cause issues for anyone! <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there!
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/8-youre-the-monster-november-2014/)
> 
> * * *

## 

##  **“From the Beginning” _Yamachii Fiction_ Collection**

****Title** : **You’re The Monster  
**Pairing/Relationship** **:** Yamada Ryosuke x Chinen Yuri  
**Chapter Rating** **:** NC-17  
**Collection Rating:** NC-17  
**Warnings** **:** **Chapter:** NSFW, Explicit Language, Erotica **Collection:** NSFW, Explicit Language, Erotica, Public Sex   
**Genre** **:** Romantic fluffy, angst, hurt/comfort, M/M  
**Type** **:** Collection

*this part is gif heavy because I am extra and made gifs to match the story haha Sorry if they cause issues for anyone! <3

* * *

Music Inspiration: Beautiful Soul ~ Jesse McCartney

I know that you are something special  
To you, I’d be always faithful  
I want to be what you always needed  
Then I hope you’ll see the heart in me

I don’t want another pretty face  
I don’t want just anyone to hold  
I don’t want my love to go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
You’re the one I want to chase  
You’re the one I want to hold  
I won’t let another minute go to waste  
I want you and your beautiful soul  
Your beautiful soul, yeah

You might need time to think it over  
But I’m just fine moving forward  
I’ll ease your mind if you give me the chance  
I will never make you cry, c'mon let’s try

Am I crazy for wanting you?  
Baby do you think you could want me too?  
I don’t want to waste your time  
Do you see things the way I do?  
I just want to know that you feel it too  
There is nothing left to hide

* * *

Ryosuke was a little nervous, which was strange because it wasn’t the kind of situation that called for him being nervous. He was an experienced actor, had starred in many shows himself, yet, somehow being on set with Yuri’s show was different.

He’d harassed the living hell out of Yuri to beg the producers to let him make a guest appearance on the show. He was not sure why he was so obsessed with it, though he admittedly loved the series so, sure that was probably part of it. 

Yet, somehow, he knew it was a little more than that.

A little more depth to it.

If he were really honest with himself he’d just admit that it was because it was something Yuri had that was his own. Completely set apart from everything Jump related and even Ryosuke related.

Though it was a fact that Ryosuke wasn’t jealous or intimidated by such things, within his own mind, he’d far prefer that Yuri be the most famous between the two of them–that the world would acknowledge how amazing he really, truly was. Rather, it was more that Ryosuke just wanted to be a little part of something that Yuri had touched.

To see this hidden part of him, the part that he could only imagine existed where he wasn’t ‘Yuri the Idol’ or 'Yuri the Boyfriend’ or even 'Yuri the Spoiled’–but instead, a Yuri that maybe Ryosuke hadn’t ever had the opportunity to see before.

He really wanted to see it.

Their time together as a couple was quickly approaching a year now, and while he found himself amazed every day at the discoveries he was still making about the boy he loved—this felt like something he could only learn through this specific kind of experience.

He wanted to feel that connection, and in this atmosphere, on this set, it felt completely different than anything they would do as Jump members. This was Yuri’s empire, this is where he ruled, and Ryosuke could tell from the moment he’d stepped on set that Yuri was the more famous Jump member here among this cast and crew.

He was clearly beloved among his fellow cast members, and it didn’t take long for Ryosuke to realize how truly admired and looked up to he was. The other members of the cast treated Yuri with respect and spoke to him in a manner that was different than any he’d seen around Johnny’s where he was pretty much the baby among all of the Johnny’s despite there being at least 400 juniors younger than him at any given time.

For his own part, Yuri was poised and somehow seemed clearly confident, a different persona than he would normally see in him on sets of their own shows. Of course, Ryosuke could see the underlying nervousness, the way he felt discomfort when he was put on the spot and such, but still, that was only because he knew him so well–anyone else would just see someone who was more than capable and prepared to give his very best for the show.

_It’s amazing._

_He’s amazing._

_I love him._

Ryosuke had enjoyed watching him, despite knowing that Yuri was somehow keeping him at arm’s length, and though he couldn’t put his finger on what exactly it was, there was a weird atmosphere between the two of them. Truth be told, he’d been a little put out with how he’d been ignoring him.

That said, he thought he understood the unique dynamics that were happening between them until the moment he’d walked into the green room.

  


Yuri had been filming for a while, so Ryosuke had been sitting in the green room with their senpai Maruyama-san talking about upcoming projects and such when Yuri stepped into the room. Ryosuke’s eyes were drawn to him, curious about the expression he had on his face, watching as he crossed the space between them, pausing for a moment, and then moving to immediately settle himself down in Maruyama-san’s lap.

Ryosuke had a moment where he knew his shock and irritation showed clearly but he worked to quickly school his expression to something seemingly normal, unable to tear his eyes away, and when Maruyama-san glanced over at him, he couldn’t help but wonder about what he saw in his eyes.

_Could he know?_

_Surely not…no one knows._

_Don’t be paranoid._

Ryosuke forced his eyes away, gritting his teeth, not liking the way there was a strange gnawing at the pit of his stomach, glancing up when one of the wardrobe ladies called for Yuri who stood up quickly and with a flourish left the room to follow her without even making eye contact with Ryosuke.

In fact, he’d purposefully been sure to turn his entire head away from Ryosuke the entire time he’d been there. All in all he’d managed to completely drive Ryosuke insane for the entire eight hours on set through multiple different ways. He clenched his fists, frustrated at the myriad of feelings flooding through his being.

_I’m going to kill him._

They’d made a habit of arriving to their building at different times no matter what, though that was complicated today since Ryosuke had actually went to work with Yuri. After he’d dropped him off a block away so he could walk to the building, Ryosuke headed home, waiting quite impatiently by the door for Yuri to arrive.

When Yuri finally stepped through the door, he yelped as Ryosuke grabbed him, tossing his bag to the side, slamming the door shut and then pressing him back against it as his mouth descending on his in a flurry of passionate, fiery kisses.

Yuri had a fairly good idea what this was, after all he’d spent most of the day teasing Ryosuke on set by paying undue attention to other cast members, by sitting on his senpai’s lap, and by generally all but ignoring him. The truth was, he wasn’t sure how he’d feel about Ryosuke being there–but once he was, he found himself feeling mostly jealous. 

Not of Ryosuke, not at all in the sense of him being a big star on his set or whatever someone might think, rather it was jealousy in regards to their relationship, because of the whispers in the hallways…the giggles from his fellow female cast-mates who were blushing, squealing, and despite trying to pretend otherwise, freaking out at having Ryosuke on set with them. 

_I mean, I get it, he’s fine af._

_But still…_

Factually speaking, Yuri wanted to drag Ryosuke out into the middle of stage one while everyone was on set and mark his territory–show them all that he was far _more_ than taken, that he was _his_. 

_I don’t share._

Of course, it was impossible, so instead, he tried to act unaffected by Ryosuke’s presence. This fell into the category of ‘ignore him until I can walk through the complex without wanting to pee on his leg in a alpha show of ownership’. At least, he could have a little fun with it, already knowing that it would make Ryosuke positively insane. 

He knew even as he was being mischievous that it really would drive Ryosuke crazy because he wouldn’t understand what he was feeling. It certainly wasn’t that Ryosuke required an undue amount of attention, not at all, but at the same time, Ryosuke would be confused as to what Yuri was doing, and in fact, he’d been counting on it as part of his own personal entertainment value.

Given this, he had predicted that he’d have some strongly phrased words about it when they’d arrived home, but he couldn’t have expected _this_ kind of response, counting on a verbal beat-down from him, he wasn’t prepared for him to exert dominance over him with his entire body alight with a strange mixture of fury, passion, and desire.

_Noted for future reference._

_Yama-chan gets super worked up when he’s jealous._

_I like it._

_Hell, I LOVE IT._

Yuri felt powerful internally at this knowledge, intuitively knowing that Ryosuke had just handed him a very dangerous weapon indeed, marveling when he realized he held a certain kind of control and influence over the situation, besides the fact, he certainly wasn’t going to complain about this response from Ryosuke, ardent as it were–as this was _different_.

Not like a different person, no, because Ryosuke was just Ryosuke all the time. But, in this moment, he felt a raw power that he somehow seemed to always keep under tabs. A part of him he kept in reserve. It wasn’t even that Yuri didn’t know full well that it was there, he _absolutely_ knew, but he’d not found the key to unlocking it.

He wasn’t entirely sure driving him insane with jealousy was necessarily the _right_ method, but he certainly wasn’t sorry that this was happening, a soft sound of approval escaped his mouth as he moved his arms so he could run his hands up Ryosuke’s back and into his hair as he allowed Ryosuke to work whatever this was out of his system.

Part of him wanted to push him, just push him forward.

_Just a little bit._

_That’s all it would take._

He knew he could.

He knew he could break Ryosuke.

Have his way with him.

_I want it so much._

_I could do it._

Still, that was never the picture in his mind, and since he’d waited as patiently as he could for all of his dreams thus far, he figured he shouldn’t just give in this time either. That didn’t change the fact that he could feel the moment quickly approaching.

The moment he _hated_ the most.

The instance when Ryosuke would realize he was getting too lost in the moment–yielding to the fervent passion of their kisses, their touches, and surely, despite Ryosuke wanting to pretend otherwise, Yuri was fully aware of his needs–in fact, most of the time it was impossible to miss it.

Such was the case at the moment, as he felt Ryosuke roll his hips unconsciously, his body all hard and firm as he moved against his own and all Yuri wanted to do was to push him, just a little bit is all it would take, because more than the air around him, all he wanted was to feel Ryosuke’s skin under his fingertips, to explore the soft expanse of his body and the hard planes that teased beneath his clothes, to taste and savor him, every inch of him, to worship him properly, to fully experience all of him–but Ryosuke always, _always_ , infuriatingly _always_ drew back.

_Damn his self-control._

Sure enough, before Yuri could further contemplate the situation, Ryosuke’s mouth disengaged from his, leaning his head down onto his shoulder as he gasped for breath, laughing softly.

Yuri couldn’t move anything except his hands under the weight of his body against his, so he ran his fingertips through Ryosuke’s hair, a slow, beautiful sound coming from him as he felt a shudder flow through his body.

_God, if he only knew what he does to me._

He pushed forward, pressing his body even more securely against Ryosuke’s, knowing full well that he could feel the effects of his 'punishment’, wishing more than anything he would acknowledge that he was equally filled with desire, that they could do something about it. Likewise, he wished he weren’t such a damn coward so that he could just speak up and basically ask him why they should both suffer when they could take care of each other just like they did in every other area of their life.

Of course, that was lost on him, as he surely knew those words would never come out of his mouth, because when it really came down to it, he was relying on Ryosuke to help him navigate these more complicated aspects of their relationship.

There was no way that Yuri could possibly know how utterly ill prepared Ryosuke felt about being in charge of such things, generally feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, and terrified of how deeply he was impacted by both the emotions, and the physical need in equal measure.

Ryosuke lifted his head and Yuri smiled when he saw the flames in his eyes, smirking as he spoke with trembling voice, “What’s _this_ about?”

“Don’t even try pretend to not know,” Ryosuke snapped, his fingertips raising to touch Yuri’s cheek, his voice softened, “You’re a monster.”

“Technically,” Yuri laughed with a sigh, liking the way the movement put pressure on the right parts of his body, “ _You’re the monster_.”

“Monster or not, don’t you dare play those games with me tomorrow,” Ryosuke spoke the words but they lacked any venom at all, his eyes wavering, and Yuri saw the string of fragile emotion that thread its way between them, Ryouske somehow needing affirmation, desperate to know that while Yuri had a large group of people at his show he was friendly with–that he still held first place in his heart.

“I won’t,” Yuri whispered, his fingertips running across Ryosuke’s cheek, “Don’t worry.”

The next day Ryosuke reported to set a little later than Yuri—as they had several scenes to film before he would be appearing. He’d already taken care of hair and makeup while Yuri was with a group of other members of the cast filming a scene on the top of the “school building”.

Ryosuke was waiting to be called to set in the green room when Maruyama-san walked in, taking a seat next to him, glancing over at him before handing him a brochure.

Ryosuke glanced down at it, “What’s this?”

“Just an upcoming event that I thought you might be interested in,” Maruyama-san shrugged, his eyes focused on Ryosuke’s for a moment before he glanced away, “At least, I thought of you when I saw it…”

Ryosuke read the top of the flyer, discovering it was a video game expo coming to Tokyo the next month, lifting his eyes to his senpai in confusion.

  
  


Before he could say anything in response, Yuri walked into the room, Ryosuke’s eyes snapping to his as he could feel the mischief filled energy from him all the way across the room, not missing his sly grin which caused Ryosuke to laugh, his eyes sparkling when they met, then he moved quickly forward, bending over as he dramatically bowed low to him, which made Ryosuke’s cheeks flame with a furious blush that swept up his body.

_You idiot._

He shook his head, dismissing his action completely and then he saw the intent within Yuri’s eyes as one of his eyebrows raised slowly, realizing _exactly_ what he intended as he watched him cross the room. Ryosuke tossed the brochure to the side so he could grab Yuri’s waist when he had instantly settled himself down in his lap, his hand gliding across his back to clutch his neck, pulling him into a crushing hug for a moment before moving it back to hold his shoulder.

  
  


Laughter filled the room as Yuri made a big show of it, and Ryosuke couldn’t imagine what the others thought was happening. In truth, Ryosuke couldn’t guess immediately what the purpose of this was, but he knew Yuri well enough to know that he didn’t do much of anything without express reasoning, so he was positive this exact moment had a very clear meaning to him. 

He felt his breath catch, the sentiment wasn’t lost on him–realizing suddenly–understanding that Yuri was doing this as a way to make up for his behavior the day before. Showing Ryouske who he was, making a very public statement–and then…Ryosuke realized the whole of it.

_He sat in Maruyama-san’s lap yesterday–just so he could sit on mine today._

_He’s showing the truth to everyone, even if they have no earthly idea because he made a point to sit on someone else’s lap first._

_He’s a mastermind._

_And a possessive little brat._

_I love him._

Ryosuke couldn’t help but smile as his fingers clenched on his waist as he held him, words he wanted to say to him flooding through his mind, purposefully avoiding Maruyama-san’s gaze he felt hot on his face.

“Chinen-san,” one of the stunt coordinators called out for him, “We need to go over the choreography one more time please.”

“Of course,” Yuri nodded, his fingers squeezing Ryosuke’s shoulder before he stood up, glancing back with a smile before he made his way across the room to the staff.

Ryosuke cleared his throat, his eyes shifting over when Maruyama-san spoke softly, “Chinen-kun speaks of you _often_ , he clearly holds you in high regard,” glancing around before he continued, “He seems to know you _very well_.”

“I—I…” Ryosuke felt the palm of his hands break out into a sweat, his heart thundering in his chest as he tried to decide if this was him being called out or not.

Before he could say anything, Maruyama-san patted his shoulder, laughing lightly, “I’m glad Chinen-kun has as good a _friend_ as you.”

“O-Oh, of course,” Ryosuke felt like he was shaking but he knew he wasn’t, being a skilled actor, he was more than capable of holding his expression and not betraying his internal freak-out. Still, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from his senpai’s own, laughing nervously when he patted his shoulder again and then stood up.

“ _Take care of him_ ,” Maruyama-san spoke firmly as he glanced down at Ryosuke.

Ryosuke couldn’t speak, certain that somehow, he wasn’t talking about them being mere friends at all, just nodding firmly as he pressed his lips together, a plethora of words passing between the two in their silence.

“Good,” Maruyama-san nodded, smiled broadly, walking across the room to the assistant director who had called him.

  
  
  


Ryosuke had made sure to say exactly his thoughts about Yuri in as plain of words as he could without rousing suspicion when he was leaving the main set, and Yuri gave as good as he got when he was leaving the set. He was so thankful for the opportunity to experience working with him, and to learn more about him through the process.

He’d still filmed the next day in full makeup for Zekki, but it was a closed set and only the handful of actors who had to be there to film with him would be attending. Yuri would be working with the stunt coordinator at another stage for the next episode they were filming, so they’d left in the morning going separate directions.

Ryosuke arrived home late, exhausted, hearing that Yuri was in the shower, he changed into his pajama pants and then went to get a quick snack before bed. After eating a bit of fruit, a horrible dinner he knew, he’d shuffled down the hallway to the bedroom, tired and ready to sleep. They had filmed for nearly ten hours, not something unique to him, as he was fairly used to long days, but he surely wasn’t conditioned to do those kind of long hours in the heavy layers of makeup and prosthetics they’d put on him. 

That said, being a total nerd for the manga he couldn’t wait to see the end result.

He yawned as he approached the bed, tilting his head to listen for the shower and realizing Yuri must have finished up, his eyes closing as stretched lightly. When the door to the bathroom brushed open, however, his eyes widened, suddenly fully awake when Yuri walked out of the bathroom looking like a model.

_A really hot model._

Having finished his shower, towel wrapped around his waist, another one draping across the top of his face as he scrubbed his hair to dry it. There was a part of Ryosuke that wanted to rush out of the room, get away from him, as he’d been purposefully avoiding for _months_ any kinds of situations that might allude to desire or other feelings that he wasn’t sure either of them were ready to approach.

It was a strange situation, of course, given the fact that they were living together, but then…when did they ever do anything simply or normally?

Despite being together every day, while they’d spent an extraordinary amount of time holding hands, cuddling, and he could certainly get lost in Yuri’s kisses for _hours_ –they hadn’t moved beyond that, and Ryosuke wasn’t at all sure how to even bring up a conversation about it.

It wasn’t the kind of question you could ask other people either–while he’d went to his Mom and sisters about advice in the past on how to handle his feelings for Yuri–this kind of question seemed like something that would not only be uncomfortable, but completely mortifying. He didn’t have any friends to ask, as they were, naturally, taking great care to ensure that nothing at all could ever be seen as anything other than friendship at this point in public because neither of them were prepared for the undoubted fallout.

Though he had meant to ask Yuri about Maruyama-san and what he seemed to imply when they’d spoken on set, he knew that no one _really_ suspected anything, not even the Jump members who didn’t already know.

Even with Yuto, who he did have the freedom to talk to about their relationship, he couldn’t imagine asking him a question about this particular subject. Honestly, it wasn’t because he didn’t think Yuto would give him good advice, because he was positive he would, but Yuto was already too involved and the simple truth was Ryosuke didn’t think he could put up with his jokes about _this_ particular subject. He’d skated around asking about what their relationship was like and Ryosuke had been quick to redirect him to safer topics.

He was confused, and he didn’t know what to do at this point, but before he could make up his mind about whether to leave to give him privacy to get dressed for bed or not he startled when Yuri touched his arm, jumping, blinking rapidly, tilting his head when Yuri laughed, “I called your name twice…”

“Oh,” Ryosuke shook his head, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking…”

“Must have been a pretty important subject for you to be so far gone,” Yuri responded, leaning up to kiss him softly, his fingertips touching Ryosuke’s cheek, “Wanna talk about it?”

“Ah,” Ryosuke certainly wanted to talk about it– _he really did_ , but he just didn’t know _how_ to talk about it…how to discuss it, what words to use, this was all new territory and he was at a complete loss, wishing there was an instruction book, or some kind of flowchart that would guide him through these experiences.

“It’s okay,” Yuri shrugged, running the towel through his hair again, “You can talk when you’re ready.”

Ryosuke raised an eyebrow at that, knowing full well it wasn’t in Yuri’s nature to just let something go like that, but then he saw it, the way his brows drew down when he shifted his arm again to move the towel, “What happened to you?”

“Eh?” Yuri froze, “What do you mean?”

“You’re in pain,” Ryosuke snapped, “When did you get hurt?”

“I’m not in pa–”

Ryosuke made the sharp growling noise Yuri knew all too well that indicated he knew better and that clearly Yuri was downplaying whatever was wrong as he moved forward, grabbing the towel out of his hand, tossing it across the room to the clothes hamper, and then moved behind him, drawing Yuri’s arm out, carefully pacing him through the motions he’d just watched, a knowing hum issued as observed his body flinching, his breath caught, “There, what’s wrong with your shoulder?”

“I just over worked it today during the rehearsals for next week’s stunt scenes,” Yuri twisted to look at Ryosuke, smiling, “I do it all the time, you just don’t usually see the after effects.”

Ryosuke frowned, not liking it, not one bit, “You need to be more careful–do you need to go to see a doctor?”

“No!” Yuri laughed, turning around to face Ryosuke, his arm crossing his chest to rub his shoulder, “I’ll be fine, just need to rest it, nothing special about it. I won’t push it for a few days and it will be fine.”

Ryosuke stared at him, squashing down the feeling that was rising that he needed to take him immediately to the emergency room–knowing it was stupid, because he was _fine_ , “…still.”

Yuri sighed, stepping forward to touch his nose to Ryosuke’s, “It’s cute how you worry, I’d tell you the truth if there was something to be concerned about–unlike you, I’m _hardly_ the type to suffer in silence, after all–but right now, there’s not. I’m perfectly fine, I’ll schedule a massage with the therapist’s tomorrow and that will get me through the worst of it.”

“I can do it.”

Yuri blinked, “Do what?”

“Massage your shoulder,” Ryosuke shrugged, “I mean, I don’t mind?”

Before Yuri could say anything, Ryosuke had grabbed his hips, shuffling him over to the bench at the foot of their bed, shoving it away from the bed a bit and then pointing to it, “Sit.”

Yuri smiled, not minding the attention, twisting to watch as Ryosuke went into the bathroom, curious as he heard drawers opening and closing, “What are you doing?”

“Looking for that ointment they gave me for my back,” Ryosuke called out from the other room, then appeared in the doorway, frowning, “I can’t find it though…”

“It’s fine,” Yuri shrugged, “I really meant that you don’t have to worry about th—”

“Whatever,” Ryosuke cut him off, huffing as he moved across the space, pushing at Yuri to turn around. Yuri twisted on the bench, lifting his leg to straddle it, he sighed softly when Ryosuke’s fingertips pressed into his shoulder, because it felt so good to feel his touch.

He always relished any attention that Ryosuke gave him, but since they’d begun their official relationship, there was hardly _anything_ that matched when Ryosuke touched him. Despite having been touched by him a million times, everything was different when it was enveloped inside the aura of love.

_Not just touch…everything is different._

_The whole world._

When his fingers rolled carefully across the tense muscle that had been causing him pain, adding his other hand, his fingers firm as he worked the taut muscle, something between a sigh and a groan escaped, his eyes fluttering closed at how good it felt.

The moment Ryosuke’s fingers touched Yuri’s skin he realized he’d made a _terrible decision_ –because the sigh from Yuri instantly awakened him, startled him, as he realized that he was touching Yuri when he had nothing but a towel around his waist, in their bedroom.

Then…when he’d pressed onward, the sound that Yuri made sent trills of sensations across every square inch of his body.

_Clearly, we really, really need to talk._

_Just get through this, and then maybe we can talk before we fall asleep._

_Come up with a game plan and make sure we’re both on the same page._

He took a shuddering breath, a shaking gasp and he forced his fingers to move, trying to seem normal, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth, as he slowly worked, pinching the area along where Yuri’s neck joined his shoulders, his eyes focused on the way his muscles stretched when he slowly tilted his head down, sighing softly, apparently not having noticed the war he’d ignited within Ryosuke.

_Fuck._

Ryosuke moved his hands gently, working through the muscles along his shoulders to his upper arms, his eyes fixated on Yuri in front of him, on how his shoulders seemed to move down, ever so slightly as he relaxed into his touch. How the tension he always seemed to carry in his neck, in his upper back seemed to be shed as his fingers moved to rub slow circles against the muscles there on his shoulders, gliding downward to his shoulder blades.

He felt a shudder roll through his body, feeling weak, closing his eyes to try to block out the sight, the sensations running from his fingers, spreading through his whole being like a spark of electricity–all of the methods he’d used to keep himself from being too forward, too direct, from scaring or overwhelming Yuri with his desire–seeming to fail him, the connection between them feeling like something tangible in the room to Ryosuke.

For his own part, Yuri had found himself mesmerized under the attention of Ryosuke’s hands, seemingly melting to his very touch. All of his cares felt to him to be falling away as Ryosuke’s fingers worked through the stiff, tired muscles and knots, most of which had plagued him for months, if not years. He wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so much calm, such peace, and as a matter of absolute fact–love.

It was easy to get lost inside his mind, to think, _this is who I am now, someone who can be taken care of…someone who can allow himself to be taken care of by Ryosuke._

He’d spent so many years putting up such vast arrangements of barricades and walls to protect himself from the pain which was sure to follow allowing himself to imagine, to dream of Ryosuke feeling the same for him. Too many, _so many_ moments that he’d rewritten his own emotions, responses, and feelings so that now, it still didn’t come naturally to him, was still so hard for him to accept–to take Ryosuke’s touch as affection and not fan service, or worse just the mere touch of a friend–even when they were alone.

They were moving slowly into this relationship in terms of affection, and sometimes Yuri wondered if it was him or Ryosuke who was the most scared of moving forward with the more physical aspects of their relationship. It seemed to him at least that Ryosuke was completely hands off–not something he was exactly expecting all things considered–as before they declared their feelings for one another it as nearly impossible to keep his hands off of him. Now, all of Ryosuke’s touches seemed tempered, as if they were carefully weighed and measured for impact, that he didn’t initiate contact without a great deal of thought.

He would still brush by him, touch him lightly, anytime he was near, Ryosuke would be touching him somehow–in ways that Yuri was positive were subconscious–a necessary part of being near Yuri.

That hadn’t changed, not for either of them.

In retrospect, Yuri saw it for what it was, of course, _now_ he understood it for the same ever present, all-consuming need that demanded that there be some contact with the other. He’d certainly made up excuse after excuse for his inability to be within twenty feet of Ryosuke and the fact that he would invariably end up beside him, small touches, a brush or a stroke on the arm, a shove with a hip, or even leaning over him, boldly hugging him and holding him, daring the world to tell him no.

_They’d never dare._

In fact, at this point, he wasn’t sure how he’d managed to maintain the distance he did. Now that he had the freedom to touch him, to hold his hand, to run his fingers through his hair, to hug him when he wanted to…now that he was given these freedoms, he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever been able to survive not having them, for even a moment. Despite the level of restraint he’d held up to this point, the idea that he had the freedom to be affectionate wasn’t lost on him.

Ryosuke felt Yuri take a deep breath, his posture relaxing further, and he wished he could feel such peace. Instead, it felt to him like the room’s temperature had raised by twenty degrees, and a sheen of sweat was dotting his forehead, his bottom lip still firmly caught between his teeth, as his eyes feasted on Yuri’s body set before him. Part of him felt badly, because it was clear to him that Yuri certainly wasn’t thinking in terms of seduction or being seduced, let alone of how Ryosuke might be trying to memorize every single ripple and tense of each muscle of his body as he breathed, as he shifted in minute, tiny ways.

He’d seen Yuri hundreds of times in this state of dress, he’d even caught flashes and glimpses of him completely naked after showers, visiting saunas, and hot springs–but he never really paid much attention. Still, as he looked at him now, he saw him, really saw him, and to him it felt like it might be the very first time.

He didn’t realize that his motions had changed, his mind moving in a new pattern, his eyes wide and unfocused as his hands explored his skin, back massage forgotten, rather, his fingers glided gently across his skin, watching as the surface pebbled in response, drinking in the soft, smooth feeling under his fingertips, the way the muscles moved and responded to his touch, and when Yuri’s breath released in an airy gasp, Ryosuke froze, his breath caught in his chest, his heart beating wildly.

His breath hitched as he inhaled sharply, his fingertips gliding across his shoulders, pressing into the skin of Yuri’s arms as he leaned forward, grazing his nose across his shoulder, turning his head, his eyes fluttering closed as he inhaled the rich, soothing scent that was uniquely Yuri. He moved his fingertips softly on his arms as he placed a tender kiss on the smooth skin of his neck where it met his shoulder, smiling when he felt Yuri’s body shiver under his delicate touch.

Feeling bold, daring even, somehow allowing himself the freedom to get carried away, just a little bit by the moment, Ryosuke slowly kissed along his shoulder, and then back again, his mouth opening to taste the skin below his ear, his tongue darting out causing Yuri to tilt his head in response, a clear invitation, a low, soft groan coming from Yuri as the sensation rushed across his skin, his body, when Ryosuke gently sucked on his ear lobe.

Ryosuke froze, his hands resting on Yuri’s shoulders, his mouth closed around the curve of his ear, his mind racing as a shiver ran up his spine from the way the noise he’d made played on every single nerve ending. He tried to breathe, tried to force his hands to move, slowly drawing back, kissing his shoulder lightly, trying to think…but all he could manage to acknowledge at that moment was how utterly, completely and without any other competition in the universe that could compare, how unequivocally exquisite that sound was coming from Yuri.

_Coming from Yuri because of my touch._

“Don’t stop,” Yuri’s voice was a whisper as he breathed out softly, “ _Please_.”

Ryosuke’s hands shook as he began to move them again, his breath accelerated in his mixed feelings of both excitement and fear, the alarms in his mind screaming that this was _too soon_ , _too much_ , that he’d promised he wasn’t going to rush these things because he didn’t want to speed them through the early stages of being a couple after so many years of waiting. He’d do anything to ensure that Yuri would never think all he cared about was demand from an entirely too eager passion…he wanted him to know he _loved_ him, truly, and that what they had wasn’t hinged merely on some physical attraction, some physical need–rather, that what they had was based on what eons of lovers had discovered through the ages, what the saints and poets had spoken of, what bards and minstrels had written songs about– _love_.

He jumped when Yuri twisted, having been lost in his thoughts, shocked when Yuri grabbed one of his hands and pulled it forward under his arm, making Ryosuke lean toward him, his teeth feeling like they were going to bite through his lip, blinking rapidly when Yuri spoke his voice trembling, “Just…ple-please don’t stop…t-touch me, I-I need to know.”

Yuri wasn’t sure when he’d started to consider Ryosuke’s lack of physical affection to be a sign that maybe he didn’t feel as strongly about him as he felt in return–but in this moment, he realized that it was the absolute truth–he was afraid that their feelings weren’t the same somehow.

It was terrifying, and he knew he should discuss it with Ryosuke, but he didn’t _want to_ , he didn’t want to be like that, the insecure one.

Rather, what he really wanted, nay, needed to know was that Ryosuke felt the same constant demand, the same pull toward him that he felt…the desperate need that seemed impossible to be calmed, yet, something he’d managed to subdue, to keep under his control, but there in the way that Ryosuke’s hands were touching him, the way his fingers felt on his skin, he realized that he just really, truly _needed_ it.

_I need to know._

He needed his touch, his affection, he needed him to show him how he felt, what he meant to him, and more than anything he wanted to know that _Ryosuke needed it too_.

He pulled Ryosuke’s hand up, kissing it softly and then he pressed it down onto his chest directly over his heart, looking at the balled up fist resting there and laughing lightly, terrified, in equal parts that maybe this wasn’t something that Ryosuke would want, and alternately, that he _did_ want it and now he’d pushed him forward, downplaying both fears, he spoke softly, laughing nervously, “Relax Ryosuke, I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t w-want to.”

“I–I want to,” Ryosuke’s response burst out instantly, sharp in absolution, and he moved forward, scootching along the bench, keeping a bit of distance between the two of them, not willing to let Yuri know the condition he was really in, glad that he was facing away, glad he had a bit of privacy as it were to process this, process what was happening, he slowly opened his fist, his head tilting forward to rest his forehead on Yuri’s shoulder as he held his hand flat on his chest, feeling his heart beat racing under his touch, the thrumming movement causing his hand to move with each thump.

He held his hand there, taking a deep breath, his eyes popping open to look down at his knee where Yuri’s hand was now resting, his head tipping back until it rest on Ryosuke’s shoulder. Ryosuke shifted his head up, his lips pressing a tender kiss to his shoulder, his hand moving slowly, timidly exploring Yuri’s chest, softly, gently, listening to his breathing next to his ear to tell him what he liked and what he didn’t like, and when Yuri pressed back, his shoulders shifting and his other hand moved up and behind Ryosuke’s head, holding him there, his fingers twisting into his hair, Ryosuke opened his eyes, his mouth opening as he attempted to find the words to express his emotions, yet, the words were failing him, his eyes fixated on the movement of his hand, the way Yuri’s chest rose and fell as he explored, touching, feeling– _learning_.

Yuri’s eyes were closed, his lips relaxed as he tried to breathe, tried to stay calm, because Ryosuke had no doubt touched him a million times over their life together, but nothing had ever felt like this.

_Nothing._

He felt each touch like it was intensified by a million bolts of lightning, rushing across his skin, through his body like wildfire, a slow groan forming low in his throat, not able to stay silent with the way his hand was touching him. When he heard Ryosuke gasp in response, he ran his fingers softly on his knee, and then drew his hand up to touch Ryosuke’s arm.

Ryosuke’s eyes popped open wide when Yuri’s fingers began moving softly against his own, whispering against his skin, like he was trying to express his appreciation, and then he gripped his wrist, slowly pressing his arm downward. 

The moment Ryosuke realized what he was trying to do, what he was intending, he tried to stop him, utterly terrified, attempting to pull his arm away, but Yuri’s hand held him firm, his head jerking to the side, his eyes wide as he stared at him.

His breath shuddered in soft bursts as it hit Ryosuke’s face, their souls feeling intimately connected, and Ryosuke felt his own body shudder in response to the sheer desperation he saw revealed within Yuri’s eyes, the word intense and heavy in the small space between them, “ _Please._ ”

Yuri hated that he was begging, but to him it felt as if he was going to _die_ if Ryosuke didn’t touch him, if he didn’t help him, if he didn’t _want this_ as much as _he_ wanted it–because he’d been plagued with it, and maybe this wasn’t exactly what he’d dreamed of for all of those years…the idea of passion abandoned and wild hands and bodies–instead, finding on a quiet night when they were both tired, a simple soft, quiet whisper, where it felt like nothing in the world mattered beyond the distance of the breath between them.

Ryosuke froze, his eyes piercing as they studied Yuri, and when he realized, when he saw the truth held within Yuri’s, he felt frustration flood through his system.

_All this time I was going slow, thinking I was protecting him…but all I’ve done is given him ample room to think I don’t feel the same way he does._

Yuri felt nervousness course through his system when he saw the moment Ryosuke understood the reality, something he knew he would immediately know if he was brave enough to be honest about it—after all, _no one knew Yuri better than Ryosuke_ …and while he’d done his best to hide these feelings, he knew now, that he shouldn’t have, didn’t need to, never needed to, because he knew beyond all doubt that the only person who could assuage them was Ryosuke.

Ryosuke’s eyes softened, his expression gentled with tenderness as the words whispered, “ _Oh, Ree_ … _I’m sorry…so sorry_ ,” he shook his head lightly, then slowly closed the distance between them, his lips fluttering against Yuri’s, “ _I love you._ ”

Yuri’s response was lost to a moan when Ryosuke’s lips pressed into his, earnest and purposeful, drawing back moment by moment between fluttering kisses to whisper words aloud which had become suddenly so abundantly clear to Ryosuke that he was frustrated with himself that he hadn’t even noticed, how surely it was that Yuri needed to hear them with every fiber of his being–

_I adore you._

_I cherish you._

_I love you._

_I want you._

_You’re all I need._

_All I’ve ever wanted._

_All I’ll ever want._

_All I’ll ever need._

Ryosuke spoke into existence the very words that Yuri had longed to hear, issued into the ether around them, yet speaking directly to his very heart and soul, the confirmation of what he most desperately wanted to believe was true seemed to hit his skin and flow through his body as they were spoken, causing Yuri to draw Ryosuke toward him into another kiss.

Yuri felt his body tremble when Ryosuke’s hand flattened on his abdomen, laying his shaking hand over top of Ryosuke’s as he pressed against him, drawing his body back on the bench, pulling him toward him, and when his hips shifted, Yuri felt the evidence of Ryosuke’s desire against him, relief flooding through him as he realized how _completely stupid_ he was, how _absolutely crazy_ he had been to _ever_ imagine a world where Ryosuke didn’t need or want him as much as he did.

He groaned, his fingers tangling in his hair, pulling Ryosuke into him, the kiss taking on a new element of passion and need as the understanding filled him with such desire that he had never imagined could exist.

Ryosuke’s fingers traced the edge of the towel, feeling Yuri’s stomach draw in as he inhaled sharply at the sensation, undone by the noise Yuri made, he quickly yanked on the towel to open it, his fingertips touching the satin smooth skin softly, his eyes opening when Yuri’s mouth stopped moving, finding Yuri’s eyes meeting his own, his breath labored, his bottom lip drawing between his teeth, and Ryosuke could not pretend to be unaffected, couldn’t act like he was immune to this–rather, Ryosuke understood, his hips pressing forward without his permission as his own body was aching with need, without another thought, he knew all he wanted to do was to make Yuri feel good, to make him feel his love, understand how much he loved him.

His mouth moved gently, drawing Yuri’s lip out from between his teeth, his touch delicate as he tasted, teased–and then, as his hand explored him, stroking him lightly, unable to suppress his own groan into the kiss along with Yuri as he felt him harden impossibly further underneath his touch. Yuri broke the kiss, a low groan as he leaned his head against Ryosuke’s shoulder, his eyes closing as he relished in the sensations, tingling shivers, the intensity of the pleasure spiraling across all of his senses, and in all of his life he couldn’t have imagined, couldn’t have dreamed of what it would feel like to have him touch his body in such an intimate, sacred way.

To expose himself, become completely vulnerable, reveal himself so fully to Ryosuke, and how bound up by so many emotions the moment was–how the emotional content of the moment was so deeply profound, everything about the experience heightened by the absolution of his love.

Ryosuke kissed Yuri’s cheek tenderly as he took in his closed eyes, his mouth slightly opened as he groaned softly, tilting his head down to watch his hand as he experimented–while at first tentative and uncertain, as Yuri responded to his touch, his caresses became slow, with purpose, exploring him, testing, lingering, drawing out the sensations, becoming a student of Yuri’s body.

Ryosuke’s breath was ragged against Yuri’s shoulder as he took in the exquisite beauty before him, of the way his chest rose and fell, the muscles of his abdomen clenching and flexing, the way his legs were trembling, and the intimate parts of him hidden to him before now…more enticing than he could have imagined, not that he’d specifically given much thought to it, rather, perhaps it was only because it was Yuri that he found beauty there.

Yuri’s head rolled on his shoulder, his breath labored, Ryosuke drew his free hand up to his neck, holding him against him, relishing the way the warm air rushed against his cheek as he gasped, the heady emotion of providing this kind of pleasure to Yuri, of being the one to cause him to respond like this, to make these sounds, to writhe against him like this–it was like a blanket over all of his senses, and he shifted forward slightly, pressing against Yuri’s form, desperate for some relief to the ache he was now nearly overwhelmed by–the intensity growing every moment from the evocative display before him, around him.

“Ry-Ryosuke,” the name was a whisper, a plea, and he understood, his eyes connecting to Yuri’s half open ones, as he sped up his motions, torn between wanting to watch his actions, and wanting to watch Yuri’s reaction to them.

He didn’t have time to make a choice, as he felt Yuri’s body suddenly shuddering against him, his entire being seeming to expand and then contract, and then Ryosuke felt it, the way his body seemed to still completely, his breath coming out in a series of gasps, his expression a work of art, a beautiful display of pleasure, as the warmth of the first wave of his release spilled onto his hand followed by his entire body trembling against him–he continued to stroke him, easing him through, drawing out every possible pleasure, his eyes fluttering closed when Yuri’s mouth was suddenly on his, his lips insistent, his fingers pulling hard at his hair.

Yuri’s breath was ragged, yet, his body seemed to melt into Ryosuke as he drew his fingers through his hair, tugging on the ends, and his words were so soft if Ryosuke hadn’t been so close to him, he might not have heard them, “I love you.”

“I love you so much, Ree,” Ryosuke whispered, kissing his neck and then his cheek, pulling back, blinking rapidly in confusion when Yuri was suddenly in motion, brushing Ryosuke’s hand away, shifting quickly on the bench to face him, his entire being overwhelmed by the intensity of the love he felt, of the wholeness he felt in this moment, his lips frantic as he tried to impress upon Ryosuke how important he was, how much love he felt for him, how desperately he needs him, wants him, this day, but yet, every day the same, maybe more as it grows.

He didn’t wait for permission, didn’t feel the need to check to see if what he wanted was okay, he just moved as he was drawn to do, his mouth moving on his as his hand slipped quickly into Ryosuke’s pajama pants, wrapping his fingers around his hard length, groaning at the way it felt in his hand, the idea that he was actually touching his body _, finally_ , in this deeply intimate way, in a way no one else ever had–that Ryosuke was _his_ and he was allowed to offer such a truly reverent act flooding through his entire soul.

Ryosuke gasped, breaking the kiss with a curse, his entire frame trembling as he tilted his head back, giving Yuri room to move, and Yuri smiled as he bent his head, his mouth dancing delicately in a path across his cheek and down his neck, sucking lightly on the skin on his shoulder.

“Yu-Yuri,” Ryosuke panted, not knowing what he wanted to say, not knowing what he was supposed to say in light of how his entire body felt stretched and taut like a wire drawn too tightly across an instrument, pleasure somehow filtered through every note, but a tension underneath that made him afraid, made him worried.

Yuri pressed kisses on his skin as he made his way back up his neck, drawing to his ear, whispering softly, “You’re fine, Ryosuke, It’s okay, relax…I’ve got you… _let go_.”

Ryosuke groaned, somehow, those words spoke to the parts of him that were held in reserve–the fearful parts that he’d kept long hidden, and as the words rushed through his being, his fingers twined through Yuri’s hair. He clutched him to his chest, his breath caught as he inhaled sharply when he realized how quickly he was approaching his release, for a moment it flashed through his mind–maybe he should be embarrassed, or maybe he should stop him–but as quickly as those words formed in his mind, he bit his lip, trying to stop the flood of words warring to be given flight–instead, he resigned himself to a string of unintelligible sounds filling the air when Yuri’s hand reached the top and twisted, moving quickly back down and he was undone instantly.

He jerked his hands away from Yuri, afraid he’d be too rough, hurt him, leaning back, his hands grasping the bench behind him as his body bowed back, eyes clenched shut, the world turning white as the first spasm of his release washed across his body.

Yuri watched, enraptured by the indescribable beauty of the scene before him, his only regret that he didn’t take the time to get Ryosuke undressed before they did this, his view blocked partly by his pajama pants. Even so, his eyes were only focused there for a moment before they were drawn to Ryosuke’s face, unbelievably gorgeous in the delicate tension of pleasure, as he made noises that Yuri wished he could record because while he’d heard Ryosuke sing in a way that made the audience weep, nothing was more moving and breathtaking than the sounds he was making under his touch.

He realized Ryosuke was nearly there, so he did what he liked, not surprised when he gasped, his body stretching further, no longer able to control himself, his mouth opening as he groaned before a string of words flew out, captivating and perfect, his name laced with words he seldom heard come from Ryosuke’s mouth, but he discovered he rather enjoyed.

Yuri tried to commit the moment to memory, his name falling from Ryosuke’s lips in the throes of passion, not the idol, not the worrisome personality that thought he had to control everything, not any of the myriad of characters he played, rather, just Ryosuke, _my Ryosuke_ , falling apart right in front of him–and as far as Yuri was concerned the most important part of that was the simple fact that others might not have noticed, or even cared about.

_He knows I’m the one doing this to him._

That’s all that mattered in that moment, and as he continued to stroke him through his release, he bent forward, his mouth landing on Ryosuke’s chest, his lips tender as he placed a kiss above his heart, wanting to brand him, leave him marked, but knowing that it would be unwise–settling for moving up his neck, and when Ryosuke lifted his head, his eyes glassy, his cheeks flushed, his mouth twisted into a cheeky grin Yuri was _certain he’d never seen before_ , yet he’d _never_ forget, he struggled to find words, to say something that would fit this moment in time.

Ryosuke took the need away, when his lips met his own, all of the words of the ages spoken between them in a single kiss.

Ryosuke had cleaned up and changed, walking back into the bedroom suffused with the warm glow of happiness and peace from their connection, feeling like he was able to take a deep breath for the first time after holding it for so long. As he approached the bed, he discovered Yuri already curled up in a ball under the blankets, his hands folded under his cheek, looking perfectly contented, and positively angelic in his sleep.

He shuffled over, trying to be quiet as he drew the covers back, attempting to carefully get into the bed without waking him, thinking he was the cutest damn thing he’d seen in his whole life.

"Can we do that again?” Yuri’s voice was small beside him, and Ryosuke jumped then froze, his head slowly turning to look at him, “I thought you were _asleep_!”

“I’m not,” Yuri stated flatly, raising his eyebrows in impatience, “Can we do that again?”

“What… _now_?” Ryosuke voice went up an octave as he shifted, laying down in the bed to face him.

Yuri’s hand moved to brush Ryosuke’s hair from his face, “No, idiot, not _now_ …just…that wasn’t like…a one-time thing, right?”

Ryosuke felt heat rise to his cheeks at how forward Yuri was in the conversation but then he chastised himself because after all, they were going to have to have these conversations, _weren’t they?_

“If you want to,” Ryosuke answered hesitantly, worried, because he still really didn’t want him to get the wrong idea.

Yuri sat up instantly, his brows drawn down as he frowned, looking back at Ryosuke, “ _You_ don’t want to?”

Ryosuke sighed, exasperated, suddenly sitting up, his arm grabbing Yuri’s shoulder to drag him backward to lay on him, “I didn’t _say_ that!”

“You might as well have,” Yuri spoke plainly, rejection and disappointment clear in his tone.

“It’s not that, Ree…I just…”

Yuri shifted, throwing his leg across Ryosuke’s legs, lifting up to look at Ryosuke who immediately closed his eyes, trying to hide himself away, which Yuri wasn’t about to accept, “Stop that! Tell me what you mean!”

“I don’t want you think it’s _all_ I care about…” Ryosuke whispered softly, the words fading quickly as his confidence fell.

Yuri laughed, shaking his head, “What in the _world_ are you talking about?”

Ryosuke’s eyes opened, looking at Yuri, his expression filled with sincerity, and Yuri realized that he was very serious about this, whatever it was, so he nodded slowly for Ryosuke to continue.

Ryosuke took a deep breath, “I-I’ve…I’ve been worried about it for a while…a little while…I don’t….I mean, it wouldn’t be good if you thought…all I cared about was _that_ …you know?”

“Why would I think that?” Yuri really didn’t understand, drawing his hand up to stroke Ryosuke’s cheek, trying to encourage him to explain this to him.

“I…It’s just that….I am…” Ryosuke groaned, his hand drawing up to pinch the bridge of his nose while the other held Yuri close, “This is _hard_ …”

“ _It’s not_ , you’re just making it hard, like _most_ things,” Yuri dismissed him fully, not meaning to belittle his concerns, but sincerely finding Ryosuke’s thought process in this matter absolutely ridiculous, “Ryo, listen, I’m not stupid, I know that you love me for more than a hand-job after _eleven freaking months_ of being together as a couple, I mean, _really? C'mon_ …it’s nearly been a year! I think you broke some kind of record for celibacy while living with your boyfriend of something–it’s like you could look into a Guiness world record for bei–”

Ryosuke’s eyes opened, shoving him gently, then he laughed softly, his cheeks pink with embarrassment, “Okay! Okay! Sheesh, I get it, I get it, I guess so…I’m stupid…sorry.”

“You’re not _stupid_ ,” Yuri leaned up to kiss him quickly, grinning as he lifted up more to be sure he could see his eyes, “I don’t think you’re stupid–it’s just that you’re conscientious, that’s all, you want to be clear with me and I love that about you–but Ryosuke…”

Yuri took a deep breath, “I need to know some things, including _these kinds_ of things, and I can’t handle you trying to figure everything out by yourself…we’re in this together, aren’t we?”

“We are,” Ryosuke confirmed, his arms wrapping around Yuri to hold him tightly against him.

“Then…” Yuri shuffled even closer, his nose touching Ryosuke’s as he leaned over him, his lips twisting into a lopsided grin before he spoke, “… _answer the damn question._ ”

Ryosuke laughed, his love for this boy fluttering within his heart, his fingers drawing through Yuri’s hair, his voice soft on his skin, “Yes,” Ryosuke lifted his head, kissing Yuri, his lips gentled, gliding softly against him, then drawing back to look at him, smiling cheekily, his words a clear promise, “We’ll _definitely_ do it again.”


	10. [1.9] A New Tradition (December 2014, First Christmas Together)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue request: “Did you leave milk and cookies?”“Santa doesn’t bring gifts to grumpy-pants.”
> 
> A New Tradition (December 2014, First Christmas Together)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read this chapter and lots of other goodies on my website! I'd love if you visited me there!
> 
> [JulietAlayne.pink](https://julietalayne.pink/9-a-new-tradition-december-2014/)
> 
> * * *

Yuri stepped into the bedroom from the bathroom, having taken a shower and put on his new pajamas that had adorable little snowmen on them. He smiled when he saw Ryosuke stretched out on the bed, looking cute as could be in his matching pajamas.

He loved Christmas, and he loved Ryosuke, so having both at the same time was the most amazing feeling ever!

_Best Christmas EVER._

Feeling his gaze on him, Ryosuke’s eyes fluttered open, glancing over at him, “What?”

“You’re the cutest human being in the whole entire universe,” Yuri announced, moving quickly to bounce on the bed, crawling over to him, propped up on his hands and knees as he looked down into Ryosuke’s amused eyes.

“It’s our very first Christmas together,” Yuri’s voice was filled with awe at how many years he’d dreamed of such a thing, often thinking it an impossible fantasy, yet here they were.

“It is,” Ryosuke smiled at his enthusiasm, reaching his hand up to run his fingers across his cheek, smoothing through his hair to cup his head, drawing him down for a soft, tender kiss.

As he pulled him closer, realizing how much he’d missed him, Yuri pulled back from him, breaking the kiss, his eyes wide, “Did you leave milk and cookies?”

“Wha–” Ryosuke tilted his head, confused, groaning in his annoyance of Yuri leaving when he was feeling so desperate for his attention, trying to clear his head, he repeated, “What?”

“ _Milk and cookies_ , did you leave them?” Yuri lifted up, leaning back onto his heels, causing Ryosuke to growl at the growing distance between them, his head tilting up to stare at him.

“Get back here,” he reached for Yuri’s hand, tugging on it gently, “C’mon!”

“I will!” Yuri insisted, “I just need to know if you took care of the milk and cookies, did you leave them?”

“Leave them _where_?” Ryosuke shrugged, exasperated, not sure what he was on about.

“By the tree–for Santa!” Yuri threw his hands up in the air, “ _I told you this!_ ”

“I thought you were kidding,” Ryosuke admitted, hesitating when he saw how quickly Yuri’s expression changed, his eyes narrowing.

“I was not _kidding_ , don’t you want Santa to come here!?” 

“Ree,” Ryosuke started to explain, “I think you should underst–”

“Nevermind!” Yuri hissed, scrambling across the bed, hitting the floor as he moved to the door, “I’ll do it myself.”

“Fine!” Ryosuke threw his hands up in the air, “Go leave milk and cookies for SANTA while you ignore me!”

He didn’t appreciate being rejected for some fantasy figure that supposedly brought gifts once a year, thinking he was really glad he loved Yuri as much as he did.

He jumped, startled, when the bed shook, having assumed Yuri had left the room, his eyes wide when he leaned over him again, “Santa doesn’t bring gifts to grumpy-pants.”

Ryosuke frowned, looking at Yuri’s wide-eyed expression, honestly feeling a bit chastised, biting his tongue, “I’m not grumpy.”

“He knows _everything_ , don’t try to pretend,” Yuri shook his head, clicking his tongue, “You’ll never get by with it.”

Ryosuke rolled his eyes, “First of all, that’s creepy as fuck, and second of all, I think I’ll take my chances, thanks.”

“Your loss,” Yuri stated in his best matter of fact tone, shaking his head in that very unique ‘you’ll get yours’ kind of way he’d mastered long ago.

Ryosuke just sighed dramatically, pushing him away, causing Yuri to laugh softly as he moved to leave the room, “Don’t blame _me_ when your stocking’s empty tomorrow.”

Ryosuke watched him walk out into the hallway, the room feeling infinitely colder the moment he crossed the threshold, slamming his palms down on the bed in frustration, “I don’t even _have_ a stocking!”

“That’s because all you’d get is COAL!” Yuri called out as he disappeared out of view.

Ryosuke huffed, rolling over onto his side, tired and now extremely grumpy for real because he just wanted to squish Yuri, if someone asked him to write to Santa and tell him what he wanted, he would literally say “I want to squish Yuri.”

_That’s it._

That’s all…just that, but weeks had flashed by and thanks to all of the chaos of work and concerts and appearances and everything else it felt like they hadn’t had any time together at all.

_I just want to squish him!_

_Damn it!_

_Is that asking too much?!_

He shuffled backwards, getting under the covers in an effort to get warm, burrowing down into them, sighing as he tried to think about happy things–it was, after all, Christmas Eve.

He startled, not having realized he’d fallen asleep until the bed swayed under the weight of Yuri climbing in. He blinked sleepily as he watched him crawl under the covers, gingerly scootching himself over until he was touching his nose to Ryosuke’s. 

Even with half asleep foggy head, Ryosuke couldn’t help but smile at how cute he looked–his eyes all glittering from excitement and the only thought Ryosuke could process was how stupidly happy he was to be right where he was.

“I love you,” Yuri whispered, tipping his head forward to kiss him softly, his fingers running through Ryosuke’s hair, causing him to make a noise that sounded almost like a purr under his attention.

“I love you,” Ryosuke murmured softly. 

His eyes widened when Yuri climbed over him, shuffling a bit until he’d pulled Ryouske back into his arms, holding him tightly as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

Ryosuke hummed in contentment, not used to being the one who was being held like this, but feeling rather loved and cherished by the way Yuri’s arms felt around him, by the way he could feel his heartbeat on his back, feeling nestled and cocooned there in his arms.

“So good,” Ryouske whispered, half asleep, as he drew up Yuri’s hand to press a kiss against his palm, then tucked it under his arm to hold it close to his heart, the sheer amount of love and protection and peace of the moment giving him the freedom to drift off to sleep.

* * *

Ryosuke blinked his eyes open, leaning up as he heard Yuri squealing loudly from down the hall.

He couldn’t help but smile, quickly throwing his legs off the bed to slide his slippers on, dragging his robe off the hook to wrap around him as he shuffled out of the room. Getting out of the warm bed was more than worth it when he entered the living room, as he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Yuri be so animated and excited and adorable.

“LOOK!” Yuri squealed, pointing to the stocking that was hanging on the hook he’d placed on the wall when they’d decorated, “Santa came!”

“Is that right?” Ryosuke laughed softly, thrilled with Yuri’s joy and enthusiasm, shifting to lay down on the couch to watch Yuri as he moved over to retrieve the stocking.

“YES!” Yuri was there in a blink, sitting on the floor, in front of Ryosuke, excitedly dumping out the stocking full of toys, novelties, small electronics, and candy, his excitement bubbling over at each new discovery.

_I’ll have to send something special to his Mom to be sure she knows how much this meant to me._

“He ate all of the cookies, and drank the milk,” Yuri spoke proudly as he opened up one of the boxes of miniature Star Wars legos, “I told you.”

_If she hadn’t shared the details of their tradition, I would have totally failed him today._

_Their tradition…_

He shuddered at the thought of a broken-hearted Yuri on Christmas morning, thankful such a thing did not exist on this bright, beautiful morning.

_Now…_

_A new tradition._

_Our tradition._

_Thank you so much Mama-chii!_

“You were certainly right,” Ryosuke agreed, smiling at how absolutely freaking adorable he was, his hand reaching out to ruffle his hair affectionately, “This is one time I am glad to be wrong.”

He stifled a yawn, blinking rapidly when Yuri was in his face upon opening his eyes, his voice filled with excitement, “You have a stocking too!”

Ryosuke was dumbfounded, shaking his head slowly, but before he could speak, Yuri had scrambled up and raced across the room, retrieving another stocking that had been placed next to Yuri’s and returning to where Ryosuke was still staring blankly.

He tilted his head to look past Yuri who was practically vibrating with excitement, his eyes fixated on the new hook that had been hung there that was most certainly NOT there when he’d filled Yuri’s stocking in the middle of the night.

“Wha–”

“Look!” Yuri pushed the stocking forward toward him.

Ryosuke sat up, confused, as he took the stocking from Yuri’s hands, watching as he turned to finish going through his goodies while Ryosuke looked down at the candy and gadgets that peeked out of the stocking he now held.

He reached in, pulling out the box of his favorite candies from a local bakery, his mouth watering at the thought of eating one of the strawberry confections. He was shocked by the items he could see, his eyes lifting to find Yuri watching him.

The moment he was caught, Yuri cleared his throat, immediately going back to intently investigate his own stocking again, but Ryosuke understood.

“I’ll have to thank whoever left me this sto–”

“Santa.” 

Yuri’s eyes connected with his, and there was a moment that passed between them–one of those moments his mother had often described to him. 

A moment to make or break a relationship. 

_Sometimes you should stand firm like an oak with the deepest roots, other times you should bend like the willow touched by the wind._

_A good relationship is composed of those who know the right time for the right tree._

Ryosuke realized this was one of those times in life, in relationships that you just loved the other person enough to let them have the thing they wanted, whether it confounded your own sensibilities or not.

“ _Yes_ ,” Ryosuke nodded, his heart blossoming with joy at the way happiness positively radiated from Yuri the moment he realized that Ryosuke was going to play along, “I’ll have to be sure to thank Santa.”

Yuri shuffled forward, pressing a furiously excited kiss against his lips before drawing back, laughing softly, “ _Thank you_.”

Ryosuke touched his cheek, falling more in love with him by the second, smiling broadly, “ _Thank you._ ”

He knew in his heart that Yuri understood, and he was glad to know that somehow, in that moment, he truly understood too.


End file.
